I'm the MM and I love my OW - now what?

[Hard2Think]

Hold on everyone - she already KNOWS about the other OW. She has for years. She just doesn't know how far it went. I had fessed up years ago about her but I never told her it was a full blown affair. The situation was different then. For a short period back then, I thought my wife and I had found our way back. But within weeks - it was back to what it was.

 

I'm basically leaving it at that. There's really no good that can come of opening that can of worms at this point. She's already reeling from this one - I can only imagine what that would do to her if I told her the truth about the first one.

 

I know this all sounds wierd - but the truth is .. all I ever wanted all these years is my wife. That's all I wanted and I would have been happy with that. In the first 12 years of our marriage - I had opportunities and come-ons from attractive co-workers and I never tooke them up on it. I didn't even want to. I was fully satisfied with my wife. We were happy together. The temptation was there to cheat when the opportunity presented itself, but it was weak temptation that I had no problem dealing with.

 

But without any attention from my wife, the other woman started to look good. Hey - even a vegetarian will eat a 7-11 microwave hotdog if hungry enough - and that's exactly how I felt. I'm not telling her this, but that's what I'm telling you guys. That's how I felt. I'm not a serial cheater. I wasn't looking for sex on the side. I wasn't looking for that opportunity sex because I can't resist it. It just wasn't like that.

 

I don't know what you all have been through - but just try and imagine getting rejected by the woman you love on a near daily basis. I mean not just sex, but just regular affection. Hugs and kisses getting pushed away as "annoying". Try that for a few years and see how you feel when someone else sees you as attractive and is into you and makes a fool of themeselves trying to get your attention.

 

If you want to know the truth, I didn't like the damn A. It gave me temporary relief after a great lovemaking session, but I hated the lying, the hiding, the deceit. It was exhausting and debilitating. I hated what I said to OW to keep the fires burning. I hated having to make up lies to my wife to see OW.

 

But what I hated worse was that empty feeling that comes from spending yet another evening where I not only got spurned, but I also got yelled at for something inane. I mean damnit - I gave her everything. My whole life I gave her. I did everything to make her life easy and comfortable - because I love her. I showed her affection and praise all the time also because I love her. I wasn't so bad .. so why the hell did I get treated like sh*t? And yet I can't live without her. I love her even when I wasn't getting treated well. I felt like a pathetic lapdog taking abuse and not being able to leave. Only willing to be happy to get table scraps.

 

Sure this thread is confusing. I was confused. This thread I guess refelcts that fact. But I do know what I want .. I just don't know if I can get it. I just want my wife to love me and to show it every once in a while. And that means being able to be loving towards me every so often. That mean that next time (God forbid) I sould be operated on - she actually shows she cares a little and waits in the hospital as I did with her.

 

I don't know if that's even possible - but I'm willing to see if we can get there.

[Hard2Think]

Yesterday was Hell. She raked me over the coals all afternoon and even asked if we could separate. She hinted that she wanted a divorce. This was nearly as bad as the day she discovered OW.

 

She talked about losing her self-respect if she stays with me and how she really needs to find someone else while she's still relatively young enough to do so. She also said she just wants to get out so she doean't have to feel this pain anymore.

 

In the past, when she broke up with boyfriends - she used to just cut them off completely. No phone calls, no letters, nothing. She aid she feels like she wants to do the same with me.

 

By nighttime she hugged me and was affectionate again, but I just don't know if she's going to last.

 

MC is the day after tomorrow - hopefully some good will come of it.

[whichwayisup]

Suggest to her to see someone one on one (maybe eve the MC)so SHE can cope with her feelings.

 

You have to have faith, if not for you, then for her. You can help her by being 100% honest, being there for her when she needs you, letting her be if she needs space. Your actions must show her you'll do all that it takes to fix things between you two.

 

Keep reading Dazed thread! Also, check out Thumbingmyway's - He's another strong one.

[JamesM]

I don't know what you all have been through - but just try and imagine getting rejected by the woman you love on a near daily basis. I mean not just sex, but just regular affection. Hugs and kisses getting pushed away as "annoying". Try that for a few years and see how you feel when someone else sees you as attractive and is into you and makes a fool of themeselves trying to get your attention.

 

I really DO understand this statement. That is another reason I will not judge you. I sit next to you. My wife was actually nauseated by kissing within the last year. Go figure. Now that I am on the other side...things are the exact opposite...I can see what we were missing. And you are right, it is not just sex that you want...it is the feeling that you are her man. When I had someone "throw" herself at me, I can say I was no stronger than you. I am thankful that she (the OW) was stronger than me.

 

H2T, personally I would let the first OW stay in the past.

 

Does your wife have a bipolar disorder? You may have said already. Her mood swings seem more than just as a result of this affair. Maybe I am wrong.

 

Anyhow, hang in there. I am quite certain that the majority of us posters do understand and are right there with you...BUT...don't forget, everyone's experiences can become your solutions.

[Ladyjane14]

What your wife is doing is completely normal for a betrayed spouse to do, H2T.

Think of it as a Recovery Script. Yeah... there are differences in individuals, but in terms of generalities, she's doing what BS's do.

 

She's going to question you again, and again. She's going to wonder if she's had the whole story, and she's going to be searching for ways to prove to herself one way or the other if she can trust you. Personally, I checked for MONTHS before I felt certain I could believe my husband. I searched through his closet and his belongings, the computer, our financials and phone records.... almost daily. It's kind of like a compulsion. I finally had to MAKE myself stop.

 

The fact is.... you LIED to her. Now she can't trust you to tell her the truth without verifying the verasity of your words. Believe me, if the shoe was on the other foot, you'd be doing the same. You'd be questioning her endlessly in order to verify that the story stays the same.

 

A BS needs to talk. The same thoughts are swirling through their minds endlessly. They go through their day, trying to keep in 'normal' for the sake of the kids.... but inside their mind is fixated on the infidelity. It's like a scratched record, stuck in the same relentless groove. For the WS, it's like dealing with an OCD personality where there was no OCD personality before.

 

This is a HUGE challenge for the WS, because in general terms, he's coming from a place where, like you, his ENs have gone unmet. He's out-of-balance himself, and suddenly in a position where he needs to be steady for his mate. That's why alot of folks FAIL.

 

As I said before, she'll feel better when she's in your physical company. Her mind will give her a litany of 'stinking thinking' when she's not. And at some point, she'll have to address the barrage of doubting thoughts. She'll have to take control of the duality existing inside her, regarding the question of 'should she stay or should she go?'

 

The journaling I recommended to you earlier should help. Possibly a separate 'venting' journal where she can answer her "stinking thinker".

 

I can't speak for everyone, but I had endless conversations with that particular dual personality, the one who thought I was a fool for staying. Every time I was even the least little bit put out with my husband, she rushed to the fore and taunted me for not running when I had the chance. She thought I was stupid, and she thought I was getting what I deserved for choosing POORLY when I chose my mate.

 

Anyway, my point is that in the early days after an infidelity, the BS is having a bit of a mini-breakdown. Thus, the rollercoaster of emotions. Your only hope for reconcilliation as a WS... is to bear with it, to be steady. It really DOES get better. But it takes a long time. (Alot of times, you'll see a repeat of the anger phase 6-8 months in. )

 

This is why you'll want to think of the recovery phase as a period of approximately two years. This is a generalization of course. Some recoveries will be shorter and some will be longer. But it takes TIME, and you can't expect to waive a magic wand over the whole mess and get instant results.

 

If you stay in recovery, your wife will eventually LEARN what your ENs are. You'll learn hers too. But it's a process. You can't worry about the dirty dishes in the sink when your HOUSE IS ON FIRE.

Right now, it's enough that you're working together to put the fire out. Just staying together, one day at a time, is progress.

[Ladyjane14]

Yesterday was Hell. She raked me over the coals all afternoon and even asked if we could separate. She hinted that she wanted a divorce. This was nearly as bad as the day she discovered OW.

 

She talked about losing her self-respect if she stays with me and how she really needs to find someone else while she's still relatively young enough to do so. She also said she just wants to get out so she doean't have to feel this pain anymore.

 

Actually, I think it's a pretty good sign that she's allowing you to "answer" her stinking-thinker. She's giving you access to her doubts and fears. She's looking for reassurance.

 

The fact that she's still talking to you gives you an opening to acknowledge her pain and to comfort her.

[Hard2Think]

Thanks LS,

 

Yeah I understand she's in terrible pain. I feel awful about that part now. I really wish I hadn't done this if for no other reason than to prevent causing her pain.

 

It's just difficult not knowing whether or not we'll be together in the end. It makes me hesitate about investing myself too much emotionally lest she decides to break off or have her own revenge A.

 

I'm doing everything I can to make it easy for her. I take her anger and don't give any back. I keep telling her how much I love her and how I very much don't want to lose her. It's hard because I was already at the end of my rope from the emotional and physical neglect - and now it's even worse because of the circumstances. It's like a nightmare and it won't end for a long time. That I can see.

 

But I'll be sticking it out as long as she lets me ..

[Ladyjane14]

It's just difficult not knowing whether or not we'll be together in the end. It makes me hesitate about investing myself too much emotionally lest she decides to break off or have her own revenge A.

 

This is the leap of faith. She's going to have to make one eventually, but YOU are going to have to make it NOW. Otherwise, you won't be there to catch her when she's called upon to make hers. You'll have lost the game before it was even begun.

 

None of us have any guarantees in our relationships. The only thing we can really count on is that we're going to get our feelings hurt from time to time.

 

Don't tell me it's not painful to be a WS.

In some ways... you've already been to the font on 'pain'. You already know what it is to lose the one you love and feel like you're forced to walk away. You've already experienced the moment of loss, when you thought it was over. And you survived it. You'll survive again if need be.

 

Yeah... she might still leave you. But if you don't INVEST now, it's pre-ordained. So... you walk out onto that branch knowing that if it doesn't hold you up, you're going to land on your feet. You've already experienced the loss. It's not an unknown quantity anymore. You have EVERYTHING to gain.

 

Your old marriage didn't work. But the good news is that there's an opportunity here to build something new that DOES work. As long as she's still talking to you... you still have a chance to turn this thing around.

 

If you allow your anxiety to have free rein though, it's going to cost you that opportunity. So, throw yourself in at 100%. Why not? What do you have to lose?

[Hard2Think]

LJ,

 

You're absolutely right. The fact is - I can't help but invest in this relationship anyway simply because of the feelings I have for her.

 

I do believe she loves me as well and this will very likely work out. It'll take time - but it'll work out. I just get disouraged on bad days .. and so your words are particlularly helpful. Thank you!

[Hard2Think]

We're going to see the MC this afternoon for the first time. For those of you who have been there - can you tell me what I can expect? How should I approach this? Should I just let her do the talking or do I bring up our issues as well?

 

Wife has been warm/cool for a couple of days now. Not even hot/cold - but warm/cool. That worries me a bit right now. Last night she just said she really doesn't think she'll ever be able to get over the A and she thinks she needs to move on. Then a half hour later, she seems to change her mind. Now this morning she's likewarm again. Agh!

[whichwayisup]

All I can say is wait until you get afew sessions in. I personally don't have experience, but one of my closest friends and her husband are having problems in their marriage (not involving an affair or anything, they just have other issues and fight alot) she really believed there was no hope and more or less thought they couldn't fix things. Both of them want to fix things though...After ONE session, they both now realize it can be fixed.

 

My suggestion is, just keep an open mind and listen to what your wife says. Understand her pain, sympathize with her - Though, with that being said, she must give you the same respect back. Ofcourse the cheating isn't her fault, but she can look in the mirror and see what part she played in helping you make that choice...

 

Let us know how it goes and I really hope the counsellor is good. If neither of you are comfortable or feel weird about him/her, find another one. Good counsellors that you trust is so important.

[Hard2Think]

Ok we went to MC. The guy was great! He even let the session go a half hour over with us.

 

He listened to my wife's story and she cried almost the whole time while telling it. When it came to my turn - he did ask me what I was thinking and feelign at the time of the A. So even though I had no intention of talking about the neglect initially - I felt I needed to bring it up to answer the question.

 

I heard a few surprising things from the wife .. like "I may not have been the perfect wife (meaning I was a damn good wife)" and how she valued the fact that we were "always there for each other when we needed it the most (HA!)" .. but I kept my mouth shut.

 

The interesting thing is that he acknowledged her pain and the betrayal - but he refused to let her make this the primary issue. When she would say that she has tremendous resentment towards me he reminded her that I had quite a few myself.

 

But he also tried to show that there was alot in this marriage that can be saved and is worth saving. He also told her that although it is painful what she's going through - she will get past it just like any other painful life experience that we all have that we no longer dwell on.

 

He also said that the posibility existed that the marriage could get better than it was as a result of this because now we're facing the real issues of the marriage rather than sweeping it under the carpet like we've been doing for the past few years. So he tried to give us hope and take away the feeling that it's all over. But I don't think she bought that part.

 

She enthusiastically set the 1 on 1 appointment with him and I set one afterwards. She really wants to talk to him - which pleasantly surprised me. I think she has lots and lots of emotiobnal issues that maybe she's anxious to look at.

 

In the car on the way back - she told me that she wants to see him for herself and not necessarily to save the marriage. She was very angry with me the whole time in the car and was even calling me names. Later than evening she was almost as angry with me as when we were in D-Day. (I don't know how much more I can take .. ).

 

So things have been tense to say the very least since then.

[Mz. Pixie]

I don't know what you all have been through - but just try and imagine getting rejected by the woman you love on a near daily basis. I mean not just sex, but just regular affection. Hugs and kisses getting pushed away as "annoying". Try that for a few years and see how you feel when someone else sees you as attractive and is into you and makes a fool of themeselves trying to get your attention.

 

 

WORD! Gosh, this is exactly what it was like for me in my A.

 

H2T- I hope once things are better for you you don't end up leaving the forum. I personally think that people here could benefit from your perspective as much as I think they benefit from mine.

 

There are so few people here who have cheated and will at least talk about it. And the ones that do are not as active as I am on the boards.

[Hard2Think]

I promise - I'll stick around. I owe LS and all of you guys big time.

 

WORD! Gosh, this is exactly what it was like for me in my A.

 

H2T- I hope once things are better for you you don't end up leaving the forum. I personally think that people here could benefit from your perspective as much as I think they benefit from mine.

 

There are so few people here who have cheated and will at least talk about it. And the ones that do are not as active as I am on the boards.

[a4a]

In the car on the way back - she told me that she wants to see him for herself and not necessarily to save the marriage. She was very angry with me the whole time in the car and was even calling me names. Later than evening she was almost as angry with me as when we were in D-Day. (I don't know how much more I can take .. ).

 

So things have been tense to say the very least since then.

 

Well things have just started and it is a long road ahead. Quit being a wimp about it and stick to it. You cannot blame the wife for your poor decisions and you cannot control her emotions. So if you want to fix it than commit to fixing it and stop whining about it. Of course she is all over the map with this...... for crying out loud a woman showed up at your house stating you have been screwing her..... not exactly news to be taken lightly.

 

Buck up there Cowboy.....It may even get worse for poor lil ole you. But you know if you stick to it there is a good chance you may come out way ahead not just in your marriage but in your own life.

 

Stop the blame game and keeping points and realize you both are screw ups.....just your screw up is more apparent at this point then hers is.

 

Mr. "wants it fixed already" needs to chill..... quick fixes are how you ended up in this mess in the first place.

 

That was your weekly kick in the pants, courtesy of A4A.

[Hard2Think]

It's not so much that I want a quick fix. Not at all. I know I may be in for more beatings. But what makes this tough for me is that I'm trying to save a marriage that was sh*t to start with. All I have is that I love her - but no more.

 

If you were to tell me that I could rewind the tape and go back to where we were a month ago .. I'm not so sure I'd want that either. Yeah my poor wife has been in for a shock over something I did. I let someone else into my life - but where the hell was she? She was unavailable to me. Sorry if that seems self-serving an narcissistic or whatever label anyone chooses to place on that. But I did my part in this marriage. I went over and above in taking care of all her needs - emotional and physical and material. In return I got nothing. And I accepted that.

 

I realize that I let myself stay with a selfish woman. Last night she claimed that she has done many nice things for me over the years. I asked her to name one. Just ONE. I don't care how trivial it is. I asked for one example. I mean anything - an unsolicited neckrub, a nice dinner when I had to be home late, ANYTHING. She could come up with nothing except for 6 months ago whan she picked up some t-shirt for me while she was shopping for clothes for herself.

 

For that I've allowed myself to put up years of abuse. She yelled and berated me incessantly. I got very little if any indication that she cared for me for anything other than my paycheck and my willingness to take a beating. And she has the nerve to say that "she's always taken care of herself and she'll be fine" when she talks about leaving me.

 

On days like today - I'm not too sure I want this crap anymore. She can hold her head up high and tell her Starbuck's shrews how she kept her dignity by leaving me because she's just too good for this. There are plenty of programs on Lifetime that'll support her newfound status as the victim. After all - she was such a great wife.

 

My only hope is that for her sake, the MC or whatever IC she decides to pursue will make her a better person for the next one she meets. Before this all happened, she never would have considered MC or IC.

 

Well things have just started and it is a long road ahead. Quit being a wimp about it and stick to it. You cannot blame the wife for your poor decisions and you cannot control her emotions. So if you want to fix it than commit to fixing it and stop whining about it. Of course she is all over the map with this...... for crying out loud a woman showed up at your house stating you have been screwing her..... not exactly news to be taken lightly.

 

Buck up there Cowboy.....It may even get worse for poor lil ole you. But you know if you stick to it there is a good chance you may come out way ahead not just in your marriage but in your own life.

 

Stop the blame game and keeping points and realize you both are screw ups.....just your screw up is more apparent at this point then hers is.

 

Mr. "wants it fixed already" needs to chill..... quick fixes are how you ended up in this mess in the first place.

 

That was your weekly kick in the pants, courtesy of A4A.

[a4a]

On days like today - I'm not too sure I want this crap anymore. She can hold her head up high and tell her Starbuck's shrews how she kept her dignity by leaving me because she's just too good for this. There are plenty of programs on Lifetime that'll support her newfound status as the victim. After all - she was such a great wife.

 

.

 

 

:lmao:

 

H2T I myself am fed up with the SO...... so I get ya on that. But stick to it so you can resolve this for yourself and your family. Even if your marriage goes (or stays) in the toilet you will come out ahead if you stick to it. So will your kids.

 

hang in there... and you need to focus more on you and your feelings than on how she is reacting to her own. IMHO.

[norajane]

It's not so much that I want a quick fix. Not at all. I know I may be in for more beatings. But what makes this tough for me is that I'm trying to save a marriage that was sh*t to start with. All I have is that I love her - but no more.

 

But that's not what you're trying to do. You're trying to communicate with each other about your feelings about your marital issues - all of them - with the goal of getting your marriage to the same kind of footing it was on when you married and things weren't sh*t. It wasn't always sh*t, right? Remember Paris?

[Guest]

HA..... serves you right!! first of all if you were any kinda of man you would have never skirted behind your wifes back!! you would have been man enough to leave and start your divorce first. Do you expect good things to happen to those who are let me see dis-honest,a liar,two timmer,and most of all your betrail. and as for the woman you were seeing she should be ashamed of herself for even steping in a married mans wife's place. I hope you dont think that you will get support for your belling aches and if you do then they are not much help to you anyways cause they probly have done the same thing and has ended up just like you. and this bit you cant help falling in love with shhhhhhhhheeesh, you may not be able to control that but you can control the actions and have respect for the person you vowed to love,cherrish and honor in sickness and in health. it says nothing in the agrement untill I meet hottie over here and she is willing I can jet. read the Bible in Mathew on marrage maybe you will become a better man.

[TheDiva]

It's not so much that I want a quick fix. Not at all. I know I may be in for more beatings. But what makes this tough for me is that I'm trying to save a marriage that was sh*t to start with. All I have is that I love her - but no more.

 

If you were to tell me that I could rewind the tape and go back to where we were a month ago .. I'm not so sure I'd want that either. Yeah my poor wife has been in for a shock over something I did. I let someone else into my life - but where the hell was she? She was unavailable to me. Sorry if that seems self-serving an narcissistic or whatever label anyone chooses to place on that. But I did my part in this marriage. I went over and above in taking care of all her needs - emotional and physical and material. In return I got nothing. And I accepted that.

 

 

I have followed this thread but haven't said anything. I really don't require an answer to this, but I do hope you think about what I say.

 

The bold part of the quote...

 

Would your wife agree completely 100% with this statement?

 

From what I have read here, your marriage has never had good communication. So I ask how could you possibly know what it is that your wife has needed (more EN than physical or material) throughout your marriage? If communication has never been very strong in your marriage, you may be surprised that she needed something you never had a clue about. I am not trying to beat you or kick you in the pants. Just wanted to point it something I consistantly see in your posts is your assertion that you are/have been/always met her needs. I have to wonder if she would agree, considering she stopped meeting your needs as well. Usually when both partner quit caring for the others needs, then no one is getting their ENs met.

 

I think I am making a mess of this.

 

I hope Ladyjane can pick up the ball and run with it on this, because she is best on this subject. IMHO anyway...

[Hard2Think]

I can say this .. I have bent over backwards asking her what she needs. One time she really "needed to get away" so I immediately booked a week for us at an all inclusive Caribbean resort where the kids participate in daytime activities. Whenever she expressed anything actionable - I acted. I listened and took her seriously.

 

And as far as the rest - I'm very affectionate with her. I've have never, ever in our whole marriage ever denied her a hug, a kiss, or the holding of hands even if we we're "fighting". I always told her how much I love her and how pretty I think she is. Sorry if that doesn't seem to cut it.

 

I'm starting to realize that I better find a way to stay away from my wife today. I'm very angry today and I'm afraid I'll be too tempted to blow up at her today over everything - as opposed to being kind and understanding of her pain.

 

Today my feeling is that she's a sponge who takes and takes and gives nothing. I don't see that changing nor do I see her feeling anything other than a tremendous feeling of entitlement. She thinks she deserves better? Let her go at it. I'm sure she'll find plenty of hot multi-millionaires out there who'll love nothing more than jumping through hoops to please her. Let her enjoy. In the meantine I'll see if I can fool some poor lady into accepting what I have to offer.

 

 

I have followed this thread but haven't said anything. I really don't require an answer to this, but I do hope you think about what I say.

 

The bold part of the quote...

 

Would your wife agree completely 100% with this statement?

 

From what I have read here, your marriage has never had good communication. So I ask how could you possibly know what it is that your wife has needed (more EN than physical or material) throughout your marriage? If communication has never been very strong in your marriage, you may be surprised that she needed something you never had a clue about. I am not trying to beat you or kick you in the pants. Just wanted to point it something I consistantly see in your posts is your assertion that you are/have been/always met her needs. I have to wonder if she would agree, considering she stopped meeting your needs as well. Usually when both partner quit caring for the others needs, then no one is getting their ENs met.

 

I think I am making a mess of this.

 

I hope Ladyjane can pick up the ball and run with it on this, because she is best on this subject. IMHO anyway...

[a4a]

H2T sounds like you have avoided conflict with your wife for a long time.

Still are doing it...... even with such restraint during the MC session.

 

Blowing up and going ballistic is not the way to go.... but you have the right to have your side heard by her as well.... I would use the next MC session to do so.

[Hard2Think]

It won't be pretty .. I can tell you that. I'm at the boiling point right now. I can barely take any more of her self-righteous BS and I don't care if if it's because she met OW. I'm ever angrier at myself for having let myself put up with this garbage for so long. Why did I not stand up for myself? I'm ruthless at work at yet I was such a wuss with her.

 

H2T sounds like you have avoided conflict with your wife for a long time.

Still are doing it...... even with such restraint during the MC session.

 

Blowing up and going ballistic is not the way to go.... but you have the right to have your side heard by her as well.... I would use the next MC session to do so.

[a4a]

It won't be pretty .. I can tell you that. I'm at the boiling point right now. I can barely take any more of her self-righteous BS and I don't care if if it's because she met OW. I'm ever angrier at myself for having let myself put up with this garbage for so long. Why did I not stand up for myself? I'm ruthless at work at yet I was such a wuss with her.

 

well we can sit and boil together H2.

 

I am so pissed myself right now it is not funny.

 

But if you always have backed down and not stood firm with what you want I have to guess that she is really clueless about how miserable you were.

Did she know? Did you tell her in a way that she could get it?

 

Holy smokes my pissed off meter just went up from reading your post

[Hard2Think]

I told her MANY times. I told her so many times, that in our last "talk", she finally told me to shutup and that the subject is off the table.

 

The funny thing is that last night, she accused me of not being forceful enough in telling her. So I asked her what the hell she was talking about. I reminded her of how many times I mentioned it and how she blew it off.

 

So she said that I should have told her that I was just about to screw another woman before I did. Because THEN she would have taken it seriously. I was astounded. So I asked her why it couldn't have been enough to just take what I told her previously at face value - rather than blaming me for not waiting until the night before I screw the OW. What a crock.

 

Yeah , a4a, get mad. I wish I had done so before I did the A. Maybe I'd be in the doghouse - but at least she wouldn't have the A to use as an A-bomb (get it? A-bomb, )

 

well we can sit and boil together H2.

 

I am so pissed myself right now it is not funny.

 

But if you always have backed down and not stood firm with what you want I have to guess that she is really clueless about how miserable you were.

Did she know? Did you tell her in a way that she could get it?

 

Holy smokes my pissed off meter just went up from reading your post