I'm the MM and I love my OW - now what?

[Mascara]

Right, dammit, everyone who says you need time alone etc etc is going to disagree with me, but I don't care. There's no passion in doing any of that. And yes you might all be right, but to hell with it.

 

H2T, move out. Now. Find a place TODAY. It's not a case of having to support two households, divorce changes the rules and if your wife doesn't work, she'll have to start. Go to your countries child support website and find out how much you are likely to have to pay and pay it. The rest is yours to live on. So you might have to cut back until the OW is living with you and bringing in a wage too, SO WHAT??

 

Then call the OW and tell her how desperately you feel about her. Never mind that it's too needy and desperate, let me tell you that every woman needs a great passion once in her life. So tell her she is the reason for your existence, make a huge gesture, let her know that when you see a beautiful sunset all you can think of is her face, be as cheesy as you like but make it BIG and back it up with acion, ie leaving the marital home.

 

You know what? Me and my other half have little in terms of money because the ex gets it all. She doesn't work, we both do in order to support her. When I get stressed about money (which is brief and not often), he holds me and says "Yeah..... but look at what we HAVE got". And he's right. All I need is him, after all these years I still look at him and think I am the luckiest woman alive.

 

Be bold and make her feel that way about you.

[Hard2Think]

I'd love to do that ..! But won't the courts see me as having abandoned the household and thus lose my chances of getting decent custody rights with the kids?

 

That's really the only thing that has stopped me thus far from doing just that.

 

Right, dammit, everyone who says you need time alone etc etc is going to disagree with me, but I don't care. There's no passion in doing any of that. And yes you might all be right, but to hell with it.

 

H2T, move out. Now. Find a place TODAY. It's not a case of having to support two households, divorce changes the rules and if your wife doesn't work, she'll have to start. Go to your countries child support website and find out how much you are likely to have to pay and pay it. The rest is yours to live on. So you might have to cut back until the OW is living with you and bringing in a wage too, SO WHAT??

 

Then call the OW and tell her how desperately you feel about her. Never mind that it's too needy and desperate, let me tell you that every woman needs a great passion once in her life. So tell her she is the reason for your existence, make a huge gesture, let her know that when you see a beautiful sunset all you can think of is her face, be as cheesy as you like but make it BIG and back it up with acion, ie leaving the marital home.

 

You know what? Me and my other half have little in terms of money because the ex gets it all. She doesn't work, we both do in order to support her. When I get stressed about money (which is brief and not often), he holds me and says "Yeah..... but look at what we HAVE got". And he's right. All I need is him, after all these years I still look at him and think I am the luckiest woman alive.

 

Be bold and make her feel that way about you.

[tinktronik]

I'd love to do that ..! But won't the courts see me as having abandoned the household and thus lose my chances of getting decent custody rights with the kids?

 

That's really the only thing that has stopped me thus far from doing just that.

I did see the former post , You are however right h2t , many states do consider it abandoning your family if you move out before a sep agreement is filed with the courts. I can understand wanting to run away and do something romantic to get your OW back , but try to remember that your OW should not be your first priority here , YOUR CHILDREN should be !!! They have not made any of the choices here.

[Hard2Think]

I did see the former post , You are however right h2t , many states do consider it abandoning your family if you move out before a sep agreement is filed with the courts. I can understand wanting to run away and do something romantic to get your OW back , but try to remember that your OW should not be your first priority here , YOUR CHILDREN should be !!! They have not made any of the choices here.

 

I agree - but I also get Mascara's point. All this is very practical and necessary, but it's so unromantic. I can't really think of anything romantic to do without seeming overbearing at this point ..

[tinktronik]

I agree - but I also get Mascara's point. All this is very practical and necessary, but it's so unromantic. I can't really think of anything romantic to do without seeming overbearing at this point ..

H2T , you are just beginning a divorce .That IS what is going on in your life , that is what WILL be lasting ,and that is what you should focus on. Chasing around your OW may take your mind off of your problems , but exerting too much energy into it will mean less focus goes into whats really improtant here , your kids ,your divorce , and the lasting effect of those things over the rest of the time your children have untill they are at least grown . Your standard of living here (depending on your state) depends on how you conduct yourself here , almost every divorce gets nasty ,do you really want to load your wifes amo yourself? Its all nice to be romantic , but you should do it when you are free and clear from reprocussions , this woman may or may not be around in the future , but you will have to live with the actions you take right now , if you are caught , even if you are not , and be with yourself forever.

[Hard2Think]

H2T , you are just beginning a divorce .That IS what is going on in your life , that is what WILL be lasting ,and that is what you should focus on. Chasing around your OW may take your mind off of your problems , but exerting too much energy into it will mean less focus goes into whats really improtant here , your kids ,your divorce , and the lasting effect of those things over the rest of the time your children have untill they are at least grown . Your standard of living here (depending on your state) depends on how you conduct yourself here , almost every divorce gets nasty ,do you really want to load your wifes amo yourself? Its all nice to be romantic , but you should do it when you are free and clear from reprocussions , this woman may or may not be around in the future , but you will have to live with the actions you take right now , if you are caught , even if you are not , and be with yourself forever.

 

 

Yes, you're right. My wife and I had a very good talk a few days ago where I assured her that I would take care of her very fairly financially. She doesn't feel all that happy in the relationship either and is willing to go about it the friendly way - no attorneys until the end. She's ok with mediation so we come to an agreement as to what each other wants.

 

I don't care about the money - I'll make more. I do care about making it easy on the kids and so does she. This cooperative spirit will be lost ina second if she knew I was sleeping with another. I know her well enough to know that it would mean war - and I need to avoid that at all costs .. at least until we have an agreement approved by the courts.

[Guest]

Amen, show some passion and grovel and tell her how you feel- get out of the house - I wouldn't bet that love will wait - particularly as you were incomunicado for 2 months...you have no idea what is going on in her head...maybe she is doing everything she can to get over you.

 

I am a woman living with someone who separated his wife to be with me and is now going through the divorce and like Mascara we are short on $ too as he has 2 daughters, etc- but damn my life has NEVER been better- waking up with the man of my dreams- very frequent fantastic sex- we enjoy eachothers company- laugh a lot- committed to giving each other tranquility and peace, and both of us coming out of our own less than perfect relationships knowing VERY WELL how wonderful this love is.

 

As a woman, There is nothing more attractive than the man YOU love expressing his love for you in crazy stalker like ways- again - telling you (and making ) the sacrifices to be together is HUGE to a woman- action action action. Stalkers i think by definition are people you don't like or want near you- their actions on the other hand work fine for a woman who loves the man and is waiting to see what he will do to get her.

 

This whole I don't want her to feel used bla bla bla bla...if she loves you - I think- she will want you to come after her with unbridled passion- at least that's where I am coming from- I had no intention of getting involved with a man who was married and all that baggage and made that clear for a month- but then THROUGH ACTIONS ( financial commitment, going to the doctor with me, spending time with my family, talking about our future children, home we'll buy) he continued and continues to show me his desire to be together forever-

of course I could be all wrong, love is all about risks and this may be just a little bit of heaven I am blessed with for a short time in my life- but he knows my parents and cousins, I know his parents and brothers- and he continues to SHOW me through actions like this where he stands with our love- I think you should do the same if you feel that much love for her...

 

but I know you mentioned there was something about her you weren't sure about- so maybe reserve this behavior for the one you know 100% to be your lifemate.

 

Hey I feel for you. God bless you and Good luck and I hope the children don't suffer.

[Colombiana]

Amen, show some passion and grovel and tell her how you feel- get out of the house - I wouldn't bet that love will wait - particularly as you were incomunicado for 2 months...you have no idea what is going on in her head...maybe she is doing everything she can to get over you.

I am a woman living with someone who separated his wife to be with me and is now going through the divorce and like Mascara we are short on $ too as he has 2 daughters, etc- but damn my life has NEVER been better- waking up with the man of my dreams- very frequent fantastic sex- we enjoy eachothers company- laugh a lot- committed to giving each other tranquility and peace, and both of us coming out of our own less than perfect relationships knowing VERY WELL how wonderful this love is.

As a woman, There is nothing more attractive than the man YOU love expressing his love for you in crazy stalker like ways- again - telling you (and making ) the sacrifices to be together is HUGE to a woman- action action action. Stalkers i think by definition are people you don't like or want near you- their actions on the other hand work fine for a woman who loves the man and is waiting to see what he will do to get her.

This whole I don't want her to feel used bla bla bla bla...if she loves you - I think- she will want you to come after her with unbridled passion- at least that's where I am coming from- I had no intention of getting involved with a man who was married and all that baggage and made that clear for a month- but then THROUGH ACTIONS ( financial commitment, going to the doctor with me, spending time with my family, talking about our future children, home we'll buy) he continued and continues to show me his desire to be together forever-

of course I could be all wrong, love is all about risks and this may be just a little bit of heaven I am blessed with for a short time in my life- but he knows my parents and cousins, I know his parents and brothers- and he continues to SHOW me through actions like this where he stands with our love- I think you should do the same if you feel that much love for her...

but I know you mentioned there was something about her you weren't sure about- so maybe reserve this behavior for the one you know 100% to be your lifemate.

Hey I feel for you. God bless you and Good luck and I hope the children don't suffer.

[GreenEyedLady]

Most states are no-fault divorce states. I have not heard of anyone leaving the M and getting a D and the courts calling that abandonment. As long as you pay your support and keep your visitation, that is not abandonment. And these days courts are very generous to fathers. I'm not sure which state you live in, but child support is based on a formula, as is alimony. You say no lawyers til the end, but you really should consult one because whether you end up with your OW or not, later you will probably regret the terms you agreed to without knowing your rights. And just consulting with one will tell you what is fair by law.

[Hard2Think]

Ok - I guess I must really understand nothing about women ..

 

She called me this morning and asked to meet me at lunch. So I agreed. Then she suggested we just meet at her place. I suggested that this may not be such a great idea - no matter how much I actually want to do this. But she so cheerfully insisted that I oftened up and went to see her.

 

We had a great lunch break together. It was downright awesome. I explained to her what I was doing - and how I was planning on moving forward.

 

Then get this ..

 

She said she wasn't so sure it was a great idea for me to get a divorce. So being surprised - I asked when would we see each other ..? She replied that we could meet during the day and a few evenings here and there. We didn't stay on that subject for long .. but I'm a little confused.

 

I suspect that maybe she has gottne used to and enjoys her independence. She has a 9 year old son and a nice comfortable home with a rather carefree routine. Although I wouldn't be moving in with her .. maybe the reality of me leaving for her has scared her a little into thinking that she may suddenly have to spend more time with me. Time that she maybe enjoys also doing things on her own.

 

Frankly I can't blame her for that - I love my free time alone. But I need to figure out what she wants here ..

[whichwayisup]

The fantasy and fun of the affair won't be that anymore when you and your wife split up. The OW knows this and things won't be the same. It's more real, she knows you'll be 'available' now to her, maybe even to pursue a real relationship, instead of having to hide it and sneak around. Yet, that sneaking around is what she probably enjoys - And, when you are married, it's safe for her...She can have you, and not have you - On her terms.

 

Maybe now would be best to not see her anymore, seeing as she seems confused and not sure of what she wants from you. Concentrate on the kids and making things easier for them.

[Makeitstop]

Honestly I think that you should tell your wife about the affair. You never know...it might cause a 360 degree within her. Make it your last attempt at trying to work things out in your marriage. She may not realize how bad she's treating you because she can't see past her own pain. She may not actually see you.

 

You should do this while separated from the OW. That way you can actually tell your wife truthfully that you aren't involved with her. She may not understand the magnitude of the situation...try again...one last time.

[tinktronik]

Most states are no-fault divorce states. I have not heard of anyone leaving the M and getting a D and the courts calling that abandonment. As long as you pay your support and keep your visitation, that is not abandonment. And these days courts are very generous to fathers. I'm not sure which state you live in, but child support is based on a formula, as is alimony. You say no lawyers til the end, but you really should consult one because whether you end up with your OW or not, later you will probably regret the terms you agreed to without knowing your rights. And just consulting with one will tell you what is fair by law.

The state I divorced in is one of the many "fault" states and if you move out without a seperation agreement filed with the court as to your intensions , it is considered abandoning your family .Im sure it's not that way in all states though.

[GreenEyedLady]

TT:That's why consulting an attorney is the smartest thing to do.

[SoleMate]

The problem is that [the divorce] could take months to do with the courts - and by then our love will have waned...

If the love can fade away that quickly, I don't think it's worth much. It is not time alone that would cause your apparent love to wither - it is your ongoing failure to meet your OW's emotional needs, which probably include intimacy and honesty. This realization has got me wondering if possibly your marriage has also withered due to lack of meeting your wife's needs.

 

I'm not the first to tell you this, but you have a lot to do on your own issues before you even make a long range partnership plan. Please read Love Is Never Enough by Aaron Beck, and The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. The affair intensity is lots of fun, but nothing to build a life plan on.

[Hard2Think]

If the love can fade away that quickly, I don't think it's worth much. It is not time alone that would cause your apparent love to wither - it is your ongoing failure to meet your OW's emotional needs, which probably include intimacy and honesty. This realization has got me wondering if possibly your marriage has also withered due to lack of meeting your wife's needs.

 

I'm not the first to tell you this, but you have a lot to do on your own issues before you even make a long range partnership plan. Please read Love Is Never Enough by Aaron Beck, and The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns. The affair intensity is lots of fun, but nothing to build a life plan on.

 

Thanks for the input. I don't know what went wrong in my marriage - but I'm relatively sure that it wasn't that I wasn't meeting her physical or emotional needs. But then again - I don't know because she never really told me.

 

You may be right about the first part though. My OW probably perceives me as being less honest than I am. She doubts almost everything that I say because she's already suspicious by nature and also because she's watched me lie to my wife for over a year. For the most part - I'm honest with OW. But I do admit that I try to avoid tellign her things or I whitewash things that would otherwise make her fly off the handle completely.

 

I think the next big concrete step I need to take is to move out like a previous poster said. The rest of the divorce is a process she'll be more patient with once she sees that I've made a space for us to have a real realtionship in.

 

In any case - this is a hugely difficult time. And frankly the fault is all my own. I got myself here and now I'm emotionally tied to OW. I'm not unhappy about that part - but I wish I didn't have to go through what I'm going to have to go through to do this. I'm very worried about the kids.

[Hard2Think]

Ok - I know it's over now. And frankly I can't blame her. No need for you guys to beat me up - I'm doing it to myself just fine.

 

I had a vacation planned with the family next week. But we had planned this months ago - when I was not with OW anymore. As you know, I precipitously called OW back to let her know I had announced my intentions for divorce. But I got back with OW too early. I should have already have had this vacation over with and be moved out. We had aonly seen each other 3 times since I we got back together, and none of those times seemed right to mention it. She was already guarded - and besides, I seem to have a character flaw where I put off things like this until it reaches crisis point. Which I did.

 

Funny thing is, when I announced the divorce, W wanted to cancel the vacation - but it was I who insisted we just go ahead anyway. I regret that now. It was dumb. I just didn't want to disappoint the kids. Once I got back with OW, it was too late to suddenly cancel without causing a whole lot of problems at home.

 

So anyway - I finally broke it to OW. I was going to be gone for 5 days. The kids and W. As you can imagine - she flipped out completely and called me every name in the book.

 

The things is - that no matter how bad it must look to her, I'm actually not sexual nor close nor intimate with W. Not in the least. But I can't expect OW to believe that, I guess.

 

I think I'll leave her alone from now on. I shouldn't be with anyone until I'm all straightened out anyways.

[BUTAFLY]

you ow must really hate you for putting her through these head games. explain to me why it is necessary for you to go on vacation. How in the world can you explain that away....I'm not even buying it dude. why can't your wife and kids go alone?

[Hard2Think]

you ow must really hate you for putting her through these head games. explain to me why it is necessary for you to go on vacation. How in the world can you explain that away....I'm not even buying it dude. why can't your wife and kids go alone?

 

 

1) I haven't been on vacation with the kids for 1 year and a half and won't be able to go for awhile yet. I just don't want to disappoint them.

 

2) I still need a nice friendly signature from the wife when it comes time to custody agreements.

 

3) Yes, my OW hates me

[Last Mohegan]

I'm not beating you up, I'm actually in a very similar spot as the xOW and have followed your posts regularly. You give a perspective that has helped me, actually. I'm just picturing myself in your OW's shoes. You have some HUGE decisions to make and if you don't proactively make them they will ultimately be made for you due to inaction.

 

You already know your words aren't matching your actions in the eyes of your OW or even your own eyes. Know this.... if she has friends and family that know of her relationship with you and the roller coaster she has been on, they are telling her to run like h*ll and never look back. They are telling her she has far more worth than to wait for you to make a decision that shows action. They are stunned that she believes you again and then she has to look at them and say, "well, I know he loves me and I know he's not having sex with his wife but yes, they're on holiday for this week"... she feels foolish just as you would. I can tell you from experience that the OW will do almost anything to believe the words her MM is telling her because we long for those words to be true, but come on man, you are making it terribly difficult to find any shred of credibility in what you say.

 

Your assessment that you should be alone until you have dealt with your own issues is correct. It will be very difficult but you seem to be aware that you are the cog in the wheel so to speak. Believe me when I say that I have huge empathy for anyone attempting to end a marriage. It doesn't matter whether the marriage is horrifying or not, divorcing is very difficult and the reasons to divorce or not divorce seem to shift like waves. But, I also know that your OW is hurting and that she feels like dignity is slipping through her fingers like very dry sand. I've been there and its agony. I'm not saying you don't realize this or that your intention is to be cruel. Selfish, maybe, but there isn't a single one of us that isn't selfish so that's really not the issue here.

 

Its time to fish or cut bait. You must make the decision to either stay married and give 100% or divorce, work on yourself and allow your children to have parents that are on the road to healing. There are a legion of people telling your OW to heed your very telling actions and your attempts that keeping things smooth on the homefront for ammicable negotiations is shaky as well...in all honesty, it comes across as stalling.

 

If you didn't know your OW at all, would you stay married or even try to make your marriage better? Is the only reason you continued the holiday plans because of the children? Really search yourself about this. The "sake of the children" is sometimes very real and sometimes an enormous catch all. Just think about it.

 

Ok - I know it's over now. And frankly I can't blame her. No need for you guys to beat me up - I'm doing it to myself just fine.

 

I had a vacation planned with the family next week. But we had planned this months ago - when I was not with OW anymore. As you know, I precipitously called OW back to let her know I had announced my intentions for divorce. But I got back with OW too early. I should have already have had this vacation over with and be moved out. We had aonly seen each other 3 times since I we got back together, and none of those times seemed right to mention it. She was already guarded - and besides, I seem to have a character flaw where I put off things like this until it reaches crisis point. Which I did.

 

Funny thing is, when I announced the divorce, W wanted to cancel the vacation - but it was I who insisted we just go ahead anyway. I regret that now. It was dumb. I just didn't want to disappoint the kids. Once I got back with OW, it was too late to suddenly cancel without causing a whole lot of problems at home.

 

So anyway - I finally broke it to OW. I was going to be gone for 5 days. The kids and W. As you can imagine - she flipped out completely and called me every name in the book.

 

The things is - that no matter how bad it must look to her, I'm actually not sexual nor close nor intimate with W. Not in the least. But I can't expect OW to believe that, I guess.

 

I think I'll leave her alone from now on. I shouldn't be with anyone until I'm all straightened out anyways.

[Hard2Think]

It all matters not. OW came to the house with love emails I had sent her and gave them to W. Unbeleivable nightmare scenario. W and I haven't slept all night.

 

I wish to God someone was here right now .. this sucks. But it's all 100% my fault. Nobody to lay the blame on here.

 

OW turns out to be a psycho and there's no chance of reconciliation with W. I have mixed feelings about that - but I the electric chair sounds like a great place to sit right now for me.

 

I regret causing W this pain. That's the part I hate the most. At the same time - a huge weight feels like it was just lifted from my shoulders. One moment I wish I could reconcile with W, and the next I feel almost glad there was an event that will finally propel me from my inertia and get a divorce.

 

W is more than entitled to feeling betrayed and hateful towards me. God knows I deserve it. I'm human garbage, plain and simple. She's lucky to be rid of the likes of me.

 

I'm not beating you up, I'm actually in a very similar spot as the xOW and have followed your posts regularly. You give a perspective that has helped me, actually. I'm just picturing myself in your OW's shoes. You have some HUGE decisions to make and if you don't proactively make them they will ultimately be made for you due to inaction.

 

You already know your words aren't matching your actions in the eyes of your OW or even your own eyes. Know this.... if she has friends and family that know of her relationship with you and the roller coaster she has been on, they are telling her to run like h*ll and never look back. They are telling her she has far more worth than to wait for you to make a decision that shows action. They are stunned that she believes you again and then she has to look at them and say, "well, I know he loves me and I know he's not having sex with his wife but yes, they're on holiday for this week"... she feels foolish just as you would. I can tell you from experience that the OW will do almost anything to believe the words her MM is telling her because we long for those words to be true, but come on man, you are making it terribly difficult to find any shred of credibility in what you say.

 

Your assessment that you should be alone until you have dealt with your own issues is correct. It will be very difficult but you seem to be aware that you are the cog in the wheel so to speak. Believe me when I say that I have huge empathy for anyone attempting to end a marriage. It doesn't matter whether the marriage is horrifying or not, divorcing is very difficult and the reasons to divorce or not divorce seem to shift like waves. But, I also know that your OW is hurting and that she feels like dignity is slipping through her fingers like very dry sand. I've been there and its agony. I'm not saying you don't realize this or that your intention is to be cruel. Selfish, maybe, but there isn't a single one of us that isn't selfish so that's really not the issue here.

 

Its time to fish or cut bait. You must make the decision to either stay married and give 100% or divorce, work on yourself and allow your children to have parents that are on the road to healing. There are a legion of people telling your OW to heed your very telling actions and your attempts that keeping things smooth on the homefront for ammicable negotiations is shaky as well...in all honesty, it comes across as stalling.

 

If you didn't know your OW at all, would you stay married or even try to make your marriage better? Is the only reason you continued the holiday plans because of the children? Really search yourself about this. The "sake of the children" is sometimes very real and sometimes an enormous catch all. Just think about it.

[BUTAFLY]

It all matters not. OW came to the house with love emails I had sent her and gave them to W. Unbeleivable nightmare scenario. W and I haven't slept all night.

 

So it sounds like H2T is on his own. And by this statement

OW turns out to be a psycho and there's no chance of reconciliation with W

it seems like thats what you've been afraid of all the while.

 

Please don't make the OW out to be pycho, this is all your doing. You drove her to those action w/ the last line of bull you fed her about the vacation. I'm thinking his ow must be a saint to wait on you and believe in you for so long and go along with your shaky excuses, dodgie truths.

 

Last Mohegan is right you were stalling...I personally don't think you ever wanted to leaving your wife. Thats why you kept her in the dark, thats why you wont move out, thats why you want to go on a family vacation maybe your wanting things the way they were when times where good. If all that failed, THEN you'll have the ow as a trump card and go to her as a consolation prize.

[Hard2Think]

So it sounds like H2T is on his own. And by this statementit seems like thats what you've been afraid of all the while.

 

Please don't make the OW out to be pycho, this is all your doing. You drove her to those action w/ the last line of bull you fed her about the vacation. I'm thinking his ow must be a saint to wait on you and believe in you for so long and go along with your shaky excuses, dodgie truths.

 

Last Mohegan is right you were stalling...I personally don't think you ever wanted to leaving your wife. Thats why you kept her in the dark, thats why you wont move out, thats why you want to go on a family vacation maybe your wanting things the way they were when times where good. If all that failed, THEN you'll have the ow as a trump card and go to her as a consolation prize.

All true except for the OW. I have no desire to ever see her again regardless of how things turn out. Yeah - I'm at fault here. No doubt about it.

[tinktronik]

Please don't make the OW out to be pycho, this is all your doing. You drove her to those action w/ the last line of bull you fed her about the vacation. I'm thinking his ow must be a saint to wait on you and believe in you for so long and go along with your shaky excuses, dodgie truths.

 

.

The bit about the OW being driven to her actions is bull. No one is driven by another person.We all make our own descisions . This OW did tell him to leave his wife , stay with his wife , leave his wife ect ect ect . She does sound a bit unsure if not unstable . Then for retribution to show up at his home just as he told her he was ready to leave with proof of his A . Pretty schitzy. H2T , now would be the time to make your move , you wanted out of your M . Now you can have your new start or head to M counciling .

[JamesM]

H2T, yes, it is your fault...no one can deny that. And yes, a couple of pages back...or rather a few days ago...or even a week ago, I wondered if your OW would present your wife with evidence. Now she has. Not only are three adults in great pain, but now some children who had no control over the situation are having their lives turned upside down.

 

But truthfully, I feel for you. I am out here in cyberspace feeling your pain. And yes, I mean it. Hang in there...something good may be coming of this. DO not give up. You are not alone...you do have friends on this Board. My first thoughts were sadness for you...not anger at you.

 

At least for us out here, you have underscored the reason why men and women should not engage in affairs while married.