lemon Posted July 23, 2006 Share Posted July 23, 2006 Hi everyone I was dumped around 6 months ago by my boyfriend of 9 years. We're both 26. It was a huge shock at first and involved moving out and finding a new place and I was quite clingy and emotional at first. But I've put on a great show of just getting on with my life and have made loads of friends since then and changed my hair, clothes etc (I'm assured this is usual post-being-dumped behaviour!) After a couple of months I was contented to just be friends and we worked through our awkwardness and now have a good friendship. Now I've realised that I'm still completely in love with him, despite my efforts to see other people. I think he's beginning to see that the grass isn't necessarily greener (he just said that it wasn't working any more for him, wouldn't elaborate any more - I think he was scared because I'm his first and only girlfriend and we were talking about marriage etc). I know he's seen someone since, but that didn't work out and was very short lived. He hasn't made any suggestion that he would like to get back together, but he's started to reminisce about the good times we had and pay me lots of compliments on my appearance and wants to see me a lot more. I don't feel that I could bring up a discussion about getting back together, we're not there yet and I really don't want to scare him off or ruin our friendship. My question is this - am I deluding myself into thinking we might have a second chance? I'm planning to just continue being friends with him and see how the land lies, whilst continuing to date others if the opportunity arises. I'm absolutely going to make sure that I don't give any feelings away and am prepared to wait and see if he changes his mind and wants me back. If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd be very grateful for any input or discussion! Link to post Share on other sites
Heavenseventeen Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I think that this break-up was a good thing. You have been together since your teens, and I think it's best that you date other people at least once in your life so you know that being with him (him being with you) is what you really want. Absence makes it clear whether you want to be together or not. You know how you feel, so sit back and see. But after a while, you will have to move on with your life. Hopefully you will know the point when he no longer wants to be with you. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
BeHappy Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 When my x broke up with me, your thread remind me about my situation. We have been together for 10 years. Our relationship hasn't change. We stuck in level one for the longest. i want to get marry and start having a family. Today i thought about you (somehow "lemon" stuck in my head)and wonder how your relationship with your x is going. I am glad that he is starting to realize that grass isn't necessarily greener on the other side. I hope things work out for you guys, but enjoy "single" life for now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemon Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 Thanks guys. I think we make great friends, and everything's fine at the moment. I'm happy we got this far, because things were looking quite rocky for even a friendship at first. But I'm the kind of person who hates uncertainty, and not knowing where this is going is killing me! Especially as I had what I thought was such a stable relationship (obviously I was wrong!) I was wondering whether people would immediately say "forget about him", which is what my friends have been telling me, and I know that it's the logical thing to do but I just can't shake the feeling that actually he's really starting to miss me and that he's still the one. But maybe that's what all people who have been dumped feel like? I've been out with other people and socialised lots, but it's 6 months down the line and I still haven't found anyone who even nearly compares in my mind. BeHappy, what's the situation with your ex? I hope everything's worked out ok, whatever happened. Link to post Share on other sites
BeHappy Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 [We haven’t contacted each other since the break up. He only emailed me to wish me a happy birthday. I emailed him to say thank you. He always wondering if there is someone better other there. After 10 years together, if he is still wondering if I am the “one.” I don’t want to wait around anymore. I dropped hints about getting marry and having a baby. I also thought that we have a very stable relationship. I was wrong. I thought we would get marry. I am wrong again. In the end, he said the relationship is not working out for him and he can’t see me withdraw from him. I tell him I didn’t. I don’t think things will ever work out between us. That is so true. People tell me to “forget about him,” but if he is in your life for a long period of time. It is hard to forget him. I can’t shake the feeling that someday he will miss me and come back. But little by little, I am starting to realize that he will never come back in my life. Have you stay in contact with him all along? Link to post Share on other sites
silentcharon Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Hi everyone I was dumped around 6 months ago by my boyfriend of 9 years. We're both 26. It was a huge shock at first and involved moving out and finding a new place and I was quite clingy and emotional at first. But I've put on a great show of just getting on with my life and have made loads of friends since then and changed my hair, clothes etc (I'm assured this is usual post-being-dumped behaviour!) After a couple of months I was contented to just be friends and we worked through our awkwardness and now have a good friendship. Now I've realised that I'm still completely in love with him, despite my efforts to see other people. I think he's beginning to see that the grass isn't necessarily greener (he just said that it wasn't working any more for him, wouldn't elaborate any more - I think he was scared because I'm his first and only girlfriend and we were talking about marriage etc). I know he's seen someone since, but that didn't work out and was very short lived. He hasn't made any suggestion that he would like to get back together, but he's started to reminisce about the good times we had and pay me lots of compliments on my appearance and wants to see me a lot more. I don't feel that I could bring up a discussion about getting back together, we're not there yet and I really don't want to scare him off or ruin our friendship. My question is this - am I deluding myself into thinking we might have a second chance? I'm planning to just continue being friends with him and see how the land lies, whilst continuing to date others if the opportunity arises. I'm absolutely going to make sure that I don't give any feelings away and am prepared to wait and see if he changes his mind and wants me back. If anyone has been in a similar situation, I'd be very grateful for any input or discussion! Oh, lemon, that sucks. I'm in a similiar situation, though it is fact that my ex is still in love with me but doesn't know what he wants. I basically forced his hand and left him, because I could no longer "wait", and told him nc was the best so we could both move on. I really, really tried to be friends with him, but it was obvious he wanted to be more than friends, minus the commitment, and I couldn't do that. Can you honestly say that you will be able to take things in stride as they occur? Could you stand seeing him date others, and if, I only say, IF he wants to come back, would you take him back without second thoughts? Go ahead, wait all you want, but it isn't going to do you any good, IMO, as you said yourself, uncertainty kills you. Can you stand being friends with him and not wonder whether that hug meant more, whether that cup of coffee he bought you meant something, and whatnot? Keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemon Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 If I thought there was a good chance he would want me back eventually, then of course I could take anything in my stride. I would also take him back without a second glance if I knew he was serious (and I'm sure I would know!) I also know that I'm not strong enough to forget him and I would do almost anything for a genuine second chance. He's bought me dinner several times since, hugged me lots since and initiated a lot of non-sexual physical contact since (playful punches etc) and I really don't think that any of this signifies that he wants anything more. I know that it's not the right time for him and that he doesn't want anything more from me than friendship at present. But I also really do believe that he's starting to miss me as a girlfriend and is starting to realise that the grass isn't greener. Which is why I remain hopeful that in time.... And yes, behappy, there's only been about 2 weeks with no contact and then he started contacting me. Being the weak person that I am, I couldn't not respond. But even now, I don't initiate the contact - it always comes from him. sigh... Link to post Share on other sites
Author lemon Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 One of my friends has suggested that it's now been so long that even though it looks like he may be regretting the break up, his pride might get in the way of saying anything or actively trying to get back together. He might feel that he's already burned his bridges. It's not going to change the fact that I'm just going to carry on with the friendship, and I don't think it necessarily applies here but does anyone recognise this as a potential problem? Or do you think that if the feelings are strong enough then he would just do something about them regardless and pride isn't going to stop anything? Link to post Share on other sites
BeHappy Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 when my x broke up with me... he said he can't go back because of his pride And his friends said that he is too good for me and i will regret it. But i didn't break up with him. To this day, i really don't know what that's mean. Maybe it has something to do with him or his friends. I think being in a relationship with someone. No one knows more about the relationship than the both of them. If his pride and his friends are more important than you can't do anything about it...go out and enjoy your life. If you continue being friends with him, just be careful, because someday you might get hurt if he meet someone. Link to post Share on other sites
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