AriaIncognito Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I've been single for 32 days and no contact for 18 I think. I have up and down days. Some days, I feel like he'll come crawling back when he realizes what he gave up. Some days, I feel like there's no way I'd take him back because why should I want to be with someone that was so easily able to leave me. Today, I've run the gammut. I've gone from giving advice to a fellow heartbroken person to just move on and live life, to sitting here, reading an archive of our old IMs from when we first met, and started to get down about it all. Yes, I know, my own mistake for opening the archive and reading. I'm well aware of my flaw there. Any pain i'm in now, is really self inflicted, so to speak, because well, he's not in contact with me. He's out living life. Hell he could have a new gf by now for all I know. I've been out pretending to live life. I guess that counts. However, I feel detached. Depressed, I suppose is the word. I guess I don't really want to admit that I'd be depressed over someone that doesn't even want me enough to stick around. Seems so moronic. Logic tells me that it's dumb to want anyone that wouldn't want you. Then again, logic also told me not to read the archive of our messages, but i did that. I guess i'm just grasping for whatever little pieces I've got left of it all. And yes, that's dumb. And yes, if i do that, I'll continue to set myself back. I know all this. I guess I'm just venting. I logically know all the things i need to do and not do. However, my heart doesn't like any of it still, even though it's been a month. He's logged into his online dating account too, so I know he's "looking". Then again, i've logged into mine, so I can't read into that too much. That's the problem. We women read into everything. Any little bit of information we get, we process like crazy. Someone doesn't come online for a few days will instantly mean something bad. It's amazing what the mind can conjure up. Someday, I'll be freed of this man. I just wonder when I'll let myself let go. I wish I knew where my breaking point was, where I'd say f him, I'm letting go. Thanks for listening... Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
trillium Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I was wondering how you were doing. Today doesn't sound like a good day for you. I can't tell you anything you don't already know. You'll delete those conversations when you're ready. I can only say for myself it helped a lot to clear everything out. Nothing to tempt me into the past. I can only sympathize how hard it is and how it sucks when your mind starts running over every last little bit of info trying to make sense or figure out what the other might be up to. When really, you just don't know. Hang in there....every day is another day closer to getting past this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AriaIncognito Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 It feels really nice to know that there are people in this world that wonder how we've been doing, even though they've never met us, and have nothing personal to gain from it. So, thank you. I really appreciate the fact that you were wondering how i was. It means a lot to me that I've got others to talk to about this, and that somehow, we all become a little bit a part of eachothers lives, even though we never meet. I hope each day is finding you better, Trillium. You're right, we are a day closer with each day we get through. I just hope the day when we all feel great, is sooner, rather than later. Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
loveinlife Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 It feels really nice to know that there are people in this world that wonder how we've been doing, even though they've never met us, and have nothing personal to gain from it. So, thank you. I really appreciate the fact that you were wondering how i was. It means a lot to me that I've got others to talk to about this, and that somehow, we all become a little bit a part of eachothers lives, even though we never meet. I hope each day is finding you better, Trillium. You're right, we are a day closer with each day we get through. I just hope the day when we all feel great, is sooner, rather than later. Jennifer That is such a kind thought. Really open my eyes that we will be better one day. If not soon, it will be later, but its this positive attitude that we all need to learn from Jennifer. Thanks for sharing that. =) Link to post Share on other sites
trillium Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 It feels really nice to know that there are people in this world that wonder how we've been doing, even though they've never met us, and have nothing personal to gain from it. So, thank you. I really appreciate the fact that you were wondering how i was. It means a lot to me that I've got others to talk to about this, and that somehow, we all become a little bit a part of eachothers lives, even though we never meet. You're welcome. Keep us posted on how you are doing. I know one of these days I'm going to read one of your posts telling us how well things are going. It's been comforting to me that you've shared your story here. It helps me to feel less alone to know that someone else is going through what I am. Grieving can feel so isolating when the people trying to support you aren't there. They care, they console but they aren't knee deep in it. People always say the net is depersonalizing our world, but it really depends on how people choose to use it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author AriaIncognito Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 I think my problem is just a combination of everything right now. Everything hitting the fan at once. I dealt with a death in the family in recent months, work has been crazy busy to the point where I'm seriously considering how worth it is and thinking that maybe I need to get some ideas to get out of here, and then throw the relationship breakdown on top of that. It's just that whole "when it rains, it pours" thing. I know that God only gives you as much as you can handle, but he's got this nasty habit of piling it all on me at once. Happens every 3 years or so...2003 i dealt with a layoff and major surgery (layoff occurring immediately following surgery recovery - however I learned of the layoff while out recovering). 2006 I find a person that i could seriously see myself growing old with, and that leaves. Grandfather passed a few months prior to that ending, and work has been hell all year up to this point. I realize I'm lucky in many areas of life in that I don't have some worries that others have, but man, really, can't it slow the hell down or just have me deal with one heavy burden at a time? I know I'll get stronger from this, but man. Ease up. My ex prob would have broke it off sooner if my grandfather wasn't dying. He was confused the whole time anyway about the non-jewish thing and whatever other excuse he made to cover up the fact that he "just wasn't that into me". Ugh. Whatever. I just really want to know when this downward spiral will hit bottom so i can work my way back up to sanity. Ridiculous to think I dont even think I've hit rock bottom yet, it feels moments away though. I need a break from life as I know it. I wish we could switch bodies sometimes. Put our own on hibernate for a while, and recover from things such as broken hearts and work woes. Jennifer Link to post Share on other sites
Diver012 Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I think my problem is just a combination of everything right now. Everything hitting the fan at once. I dealt with a death in the family in recent months, work has been crazy busy to the point where I'm seriously considering how worth it is and thinking that maybe I need to get some ideas to get out of here, and then throw the relationship breakdown on top of that. It's just that whole "when it rains, it pours" thing. I know that God only gives you as much as you can handle, but he's got this nasty habit of piling it all on me at once. Happens every 3 years or so...2003 i dealt with a layoff and major surgery (layoff occurring immediately following surgery recovery - however I learned of the layoff while out recovering). 2006 I find a person that i could seriously see myself growing old with, and that leaves. Grandfather passed a few months prior to that ending, and work has been hell all year up to this point. I realize I'm lucky in many areas of life in that I don't have some worries that others have, but man, really, can't it slow the hell down or just have me deal with one heavy burden at a time? I know I'll get stronger from this, but man. Ease up. My ex prob would have broke it off sooner if my grandfather wasn't dying. He was confused the whole time anyway about the non-jewish thing and whatever other excuse he made to cover up the fact that he "just wasn't that into me". Ugh. Whatever. I just really want to know when this downward spiral will hit bottom so i can work my way back up to sanity. Ridiculous to think I dont even think I've hit rock bottom yet, it feels moments away though. I need a break from life as I know it. I wish we could switch bodies sometimes. Put our own on hibernate for a while, and recover from things such as broken hearts and work woes. Jennifer You are not alone in your struggles. I quit my job and moved myself to NC a year ago. Moved back in with my parents, wasnt planning on staying where Im at, but found a job locally. Decided to stay and make a go of things. 6 months into the new job, I start dating this woman at work. The relationship takes off big time. Were an item on property, everyones talking about how GREAT a couple we are. Shes in love with me, im in love with her. Boss quits. Im left running a department, with no help, and im completely by myself. 4 months later, I finially find a qualified person willing to take the position, and a week later I get dumped. Sorry, feelings changed, ect ect ect... No further contact or explanation. Except for the fact that she still works there and I have to see her every now and then. You will be fine. I have fallen back on my friends and im getting out and living life. I too thought I was with the woman I could grow old with. I wanted to marry her. We even discussed it. I wont rest until im over this and have moved on to another relationship, even if it takes 3 years or more. The wonderul feelings I had are to precious to me to not want them again with someone else more genuine. I think thats why your subconcious makes you remember those moments. Even though it hurts, you cannot forget the good times. Hold onto your love until your heart is ready to love someone else again. It will get better Link to post Share on other sites
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