Signs of a cheat?

[Guest]

What are signs of someone cheating--my b/f has not given me many signs over the past year and a half but i keep looking and trying to double check that nothing is going on. He knows i am untrusting and its hard for me.

 

He does not go out much without me, usually available when i call him, i usually speak to him 2-3 times a day depending on the schedule..i usually see him at the end of the week--we dont live close by--but if suddenly i say lets see each other on a monday--more than likely he would just say ok. His cell hardly ever rings when i am with him--unless he is forwarding calls or something i have no idea..

 

A few times he brought his cell with him into the shower--and i thought it was really suspicious--i told him about it and that i dont like it and he said fine, he wont do it again. Another time i could have sworn condoms were missing--i did not bring it up to him right away--and then i mentioned it casually and he asked why i chose not to say anything and i said what would you have told me--and he said i guess nothing b/c there is nothing to tell.

 

Either he is really good at the game of cheating or i really don't have much to worry about--what are signs that people give even when they are trying and good at covering their tracks. He has gotten very angry at me for this trust issue and arguments and we almost broke up over it.

[JadeStar]

It must be hard for you to feel the need to check up on him. It also must be hard for him (if he is doing nothing) to deal with someone who is not trusting or suspicious. Doesn't sound very healthy. However, you can do a search on signs of cheating. But please remember they are just what they say they are, SIGNS. It doesn't mean its 100 percent proof of anything going on. I think sometimes when people look up signs of cheating they have a tendecy to read to much into those signs and the mind starts to play tricks on them, and they sometimes will convince themselves their partner is doing something they shouldn't, when that might not even be the case. JMO.

 

 

 

Jade

[incognito]

Hmmm....here's what I learned as far as the signs of cheating:

 

Hides his cell, email account, access to computer from you, deletes texts right away, has multiple email accounts that you are not allowed access to, answers cell while walking away from you/doesn't hold ANY conversation near you, cell is always on vibrate and he doesn't answer calls when he sees who it is

 

Signs your BF is actually MARRIED and is lying to you:

 

Only calls you at certain times of the day, only calls you from the cell, says he doesn't have a home phone (yeah right), must plan days to see you (no spontaneity), won't commit to you no matter what, calls you constantly when he's away from home ..i.e. travelling, in the car, etc, is evasive about personal information...i.e. won't give you his home address, won't fill out forms in front of you

 

...I'm sure i could come up w/ more

[hchris6738k]

The only thing that sounds even a tiny bit suspicious to me might be that he brought his cell phone into the shower! but, on ,the other hand, i bring mine in the bathroom &put outside of the shower so I don't miss a call.

 

If you are paranoid about him cheating though, even if he isn't, the smallest things can seem like a sign he is cheating. I think you should re-evaluate yourself and your relationship with him and figure out why you don't trust him, and maybe try to change your way of thinking and be a little more self confident in yourself!

 

I've dated a few men who never trusted me, yet I never had secrets and never cheated, never even came close, but the smallest thing would get them convinced that i was cheating, like, i couldn't answer the phone on my desk when he called at work, or even they called me and I got a call waiting call, they were sure it was another guy, i got home from work 10 minutes late-didn't believe there was alot of traffic, or, i got stuck in a long line at the grocery store, it goes on and on, you need to know that the person on the other end who is always being accused of cheating is getting more and more miserable all the time with you,because it is very waring and hurtful on that person, they start to feel they have to explain their every move, including people they know and why, and after awhile you don't look so good to them anymore because you're so insecure.

 

i think you should concentrate on building your self esteem, go to counsiling or at least get a good self-help book, because you sound like you're not very happy with yourself, and , no one is going to be happy to be around you until you are, i don't mean to be harsh-not trying to hurt your feelings!

[Guest]

Well then i know he is not married lol

 

But how would i know he deletes his texts? obviously i wouldnt be there to see it--and he has a lap top but does not use it much so i don't have access to his e-mail, it never really came up.

 

Sometimes his phone is on vibrate but he says the button on the sides sometimes gets pressed--usually its on normal mode and he keeps it out or on the charger where i could just walk by and see if he has a missed call or something...he hardly gets any calls when i am with him..makes me think he is forwarding them or something but i had a friend call from a restricted number when i was with him and it rings. He has fallen asleep

 

He doesnt keep his phone on lock but we have had arguments where i shouldnt be going through his phone like that. He has fallen asleep a few times where i could have went through his phone but chose not to those few times. Thinking some condoms were missing one time really got me freaked out but my friend said other signs would be occuring along with that if he was up to no good.

[JackJack]

If infact your b/f is NOT doing anything he shouldn't, and if you keep being insecure and paranoid about what he may be or may not be doing, you will eventually drive him away and destroy the relationship unless , you get your insecurity in check. There is nothing wrong with being aware or alert if things are not going good or something seems wrong, but to continusly think something is up, can be a problem.

[Rooster_DAR]

I agree if you are too untrusting, paranoid, and asking questions all the time this can cause major issues. But at the same time, the partner should do their best to ease this kind of thinking by sitting down and having a discussion about it (At least in LTR's). Think about it, if you truly love the other person and are completely committed, you should not be hiding or deceiving. Here are some of the signs of cheating, or infidelity that I have learned over the years. Keep in mind, that this is not direct proof, and accusing someone can have dire consequences. Here are some things to look for.

 

Keep in mind, some of these may be just signs of pulling away instead of cheating.

• You have a sinking feeling in our gut (Gut Instincts, this is a big one)
  
• Being secretive or hiding something
  
• Not telling you about people they are talking to, having lunch with, or spending casual time with
  
• Calls you by your first name when they used to call you honey, babe, etc...
  
• Deliberately tries to refrain from talking about cheating, infidelity, or quickly changes their religious beliefs
  
• Quits wearing your gifts, wedding/engagement ring (Huge red flag)
  
• Cell phone calls being hidden, or keeping their cell phone with them at all times
  
• Clearing the history of their web browsers and cache (if they know how to)
  
• Mentions a new friend of the opposite sex, and you have never met them. This one folks is another big one, and a lot of times they will just vaguely mention this other person. (I went to a business meeting with (person), (person) gave them advice about something, (person) said that was a good movie
  
• Mentions movies that were great, but you didn't see it with them and you've been together for a long time. (Be careful, it may just be with a girlfriend while you were out of town)
  
• Says to you "I need my space", "I feel were growing apart", I love you, but I'm not in love with you" etc...
  
• Goes on trips with friends and you two don’t anymore
  
• Business trips that were purchased on her/his CC card, and business trips spanning weekends and holidays
  
• Takes phone/cell calls away from your presence
  
• Sudden change in appearance, listens to new music, changes their wardrobe, is suddenly focused on their appearance
  
• Turns the table on you when you ask a question. (They make you sound like your being to suspicious, and make you feel bad for asking HUGE RED FLAG!!)
  
• Accuse you of cheating out of the blue (Another RED Flag!)
  
• Does not welcome you to do anything for them that indicates a future together. (Doesn't want you to wash the car, put in a sprinkler system, paint a room, etc..)
  
• Her/his friends are uncomfortable around you
  
• She/he is having problems at work. If there is something going on with a co-worker, chances are somebody at work will notice (Getting in trouble, stress, etc...)
  
• Secret email accounts that you're unaware of. (This is grey area, but worth mentioning)
  
• Sudden lack of sex, or more of it with different things tried
  
• Separation of emotions, pulling away
  
• Stating you are just friends (Big one here)
  
• You feel like your riding on a rollercoaster. One minute she is digging you, the next day she is absent
  
• Very preoccupied, fails to do things around the house, pulls away from friends and family (Another big one folks)

Again, this is not a for sure thing but if this list sounds familiar, watch out. If I were to give a percentage of how correct this is, I would have to say it's around 90% accurate that she/he is cheating or pulling away from the relationship. It's also important note that some forms of depression can cause a lot of these issues too. However; that is also the excuse a lot of women use to not own up to what's really going on.

 

[littlepiggy1]

Nothing you've posted sounds that suspicious to me. I sometimes take my phone in the shower (well, bathroom ) so I won't miss calls. That doesn't mean he's cheating, though.

 

I would work on trying to become more secure and confident in your relationship. As someone who dated an insecure girl, I can't tell you that it's not very fun to deal with someone else's insecurities.

[Rooster_DAR]

I think you need to read the posts again, apparently you missed everything that was being addressed. Better yet, maybe you posted to the wrong thread by accident.