What's More Important in a Marriage - Passion or Compatability

[stillafool]

I just wonder which is more important in a marriage - Passion or Compatability. When I talk to women they always say compatability (meaning educational backgrounds, family backgrounds, career goals, how much money you both make) yet when I talk to men they say passion is key because of the sex they cannot live without. I would like to hear from men on this forum what they think.

[norajane]

You have to have both, actually. His needs and her needs must be satisfied, though they be different. Without one or the other, someone is left dissatisfied.

[quankanne]

I'd like to especially hear from those men who are married yet also involved in an extramarital affair!

[a4a]

What's More Important in a Marriage - Passion or Compatability?

 

$$$ comes first

 

But you have to get along. Without that you just have hot monkey love between the two of you.

[typical]

Passion. I know you want to hear from men, but I wanted to add my opinion. sorry.. (gracefully exiting stage left)

[magichands]

Passion is key.

 

Compatibility is an excuse - all you need is love.

 

And good spelling helps too.

[stillafool]

I have to agree with you guys - Passion is definitely the most important thing for me.

[superconductor]

Passion fades in time.

 

Compatibility is more important.

[quankanne]

compatibility, in the sense that we agree on the important things in our relationship, and the rest is open to compromise, including "passion" in our relationship.

 

why? because I still want to be married 30-40 years down the road, not ****canned after a couple years of marriage because he doesn't "feel" that some burning urge to screw my brains out.

 

though that WOULD be interesting to be having that kind of sex with my husband that far down the road! :laugh:

[bab]

This is an interesting topic. I read an article awhile back about there being two major categories of husbands. I can't remember exactly what they called them, but they basically broke down into those for which you are passionate and those for which you are more compatible. They said that both have their problems.

 

The passionate relationship have a higher amount of disagreements, and there may be resentment about different ideas later in the marriage. These type marriages have more EA's that lead to PA's.

 

For those that most of it comes from compatibility has a high tendancy for the passion that was there in the beginning to fade away and one or both partners being sexually unfufilled. Again, leading PA's.

 

I suppose that the solution is to have a balanced relationship.

[stillafool]

I know quank but isn't it true that you can find compatability with almost anyone but passion is something that some people never find with another person. It can't be created, bought or sold. It's very special in a relationship. Heck, I can be compatable with a roommate.

[amaysngrace]

Seeing how you only spend a minimal amount of time inside the bedroom compared to how much time you spend outside of the bedroom, I'd have to say compatiblity is more important.

 

But they better do it for you in the bedroom too.

[stillafool]

This is an interesting topic. I read an article awhile back about there being two major categories of husbands. I can't remember exactly what they called them, but they basically broke down into those for which you are passionate and those for which you are more compatible. They said that both have their problems.

 

The passionate relationship have a higher amount of disagreements, and there may be resentment about different ideas later in the marriage. These type marriages have more EA's that lead to PA's.

 

For those that most of it comes from compatibility has a high tendancy for the passion that was there in the beginning to fade away and one or both partners being sexually unfufilled. Again, leading PA's.

 

I suppose that the solution is to have a balanced relationship.

 

Thanks for this post. I would agree that a passionate relationship would have more arguments but the making up is definitely more fun.

[Tony T]

Marriage is like a television set. Lose any tiny component and something about it won't work and therefore the television won't function properly.

 

You have to have sustainable passion, compatibility, caring, committment, communication, shared views about children and money, common interests, ability to forgive, openmindedness, flexibility, loyalty, etc., in a marriage. That's why so many marriages don't work...something is always missing in the equation. You can have passion and compatibility up the butt but if other elements are missing...or if there's a bixtch mother in law in the equation, watch out.

 

People ought to get married when they are very young (or on heavy duty drugs) and don't think about all this. Otherwise they would be horrified at the mere thought of nuptuals!

[climbergirl]

I know quank but isn't it true that you can find compatability with almost anyone but passion is something that some people never find with another person. It can't be created, bought or sold. It's very special in a relationship. Heck, I can be compatable with a roommate.

 

Agreed. I have compatibilty with my best male friends, but that doesn't mean that we could ever sustain a LTR.

 

Passion is key (to me). Very hard to come by, hard to let go. Makes you motivated to work things out.

[Outcast]

I don't think it's an either-or proposition. Both are critical. Passion without compatibility is destined to crash and burn dramatically. Compatibility w/o passion will fizzle. And, as Tony T said, there's lots more besides.

 

I think it's dangerous to try to go for simple solutions to extremely complex situations. Life can't be boiled down to choices between a and b. It's not like you can pick one and have a relationship succeed!

[john2776]

Same as outcast - if you are missing either compatability or passion the marriage will not last. Over the course of the marriage things will always change and passion may drop or you may get into different things for a while, but hopefully not both at the same time!

 

For me passion is totally critical. I was in a marriage for 10 years and it all ended when I woke up and realised that there was no passion, never was, and never would be. She was my best friend however, and I still miss that girl for what we shared. But I was totally misserable without that passion.

[quankanne]

isn't it true that you can find compatability with almost anyone but passion is something that some people never find with another person.

 

there's got to be a good balance of both for an ideal relationship, but if I'm only allowed one, then it'd have to be compatibility. I don't like the idea of being in a relationship that depended on fire to exist, because that kind of thing is very hard to maintain 24/7. In my not so humble opinion ...

[lil_angel]

i think it depends on how you define both terms. if compatibility means same income, race, family background, political views, etc. and passion means "omg i wanna have sex every night", neither is a key to success. but if passion is real feelings of love, romantic and otherwise, and compatibility is values, beliefs, communication, etc. then both are extremely important, neither will sustain a relationoship w/o the other.

[lonelybird]

I think compatability is more important. Passion can be renewed. also think that divorce rate so high today is due to people too caught up with own ideal marriage/ ideal relationship/ ideal boyfriend.