basscatcher Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I am furious that a man would behave so stupidly. For those of you who know my story--- Charlie has been asking me out persistantly and I have been putting him off the majority of the time. I didn't want to go out with him unless we talked and he asked me to come over Saturday evening and he would cook me supper, we could go out afterwards. So I thought this would be a perfect time to corner him and I did. I told him I wouldn't go out with him until that talk happens. So he finally agreed. I had been telling him there are things he and I need to discuss before I would ever start dating him seriously again and give him a second chance.. [He has been persistant at persuing me and he has been asking me out without fail for weeks even with the excuses I put in front of him. At one point I did go out for a drink with him with the intent to talk to him and he opened the evening by telling me he loved me. That through a monkey-wrench in the situation and I was frozen with shock. Well that is over now.] So I told him that I had spent some time with my 'alpha friend' during the past 2 months. I reminded him that I didn't have to tell him this because I had broken our relationship off the end of March and I was free to do what I wanted. I was telling him out of respect that he should know that I have been close to someone during this 3-4 month time and I haven't been sitting around crying over him all the time. He took it better then I thought. I told him that I had slept in the mans arms all night for comfort and that I didn't regret it. Charlie got up walked over to me (I thought he was going to throw me out of his place) and pulled me gently out of the chair and hugged me. He looked down into my eyes and said "YOU WILL NOT BE SLEEPING IN ANY MANS BED AGAIN BUT MINE." I felt that to be a bit of an order and demand and then said if I needed to be held I am suppose to call him.! (I'm thinking 'excuse me?") Anyway, he seemed to take it well and he started to talk and admit to me things about himself that I didn't even ask him to answer. He told me that he treated me like a jerk, that he was unfair to me, that he knows I was patient waiting for him to deal with his Xgf, he admitted that he hadn't been very affectionate towards me, he asked me to give him time and then he asked me if i had noticed any little changes in him. I told him yes but I don't trust them to be lasting. We continued to talk about the events that lead up to where we are today. He admitted his faults but he still couldn't apologize for his out of the line behaviors over the 7 month time frame. I reminded him that he has never apologized about anything to me or even my gfs. He then looked away and mumbled he was sorry. I told him he's not and there was no sincereity in that apology and he was only saying it because I confronted him on it. I told him I didn't trust him to become a loving, affectionate, communicative person now. He said to give him time that he was that way before his XW and his XGF. I told him I don't believe it. He has been this way for years and years and years and I told him I fully believe the reason why both of those women ended up with other men is for the same reasons I have been distancing myself from him.... Anyway, As we talked I thought to myself maybe I will give him a little bit of leeway to prove himself. So Sunday he called me and asked me if I wanted to go riding with him and his XBIL. (on Harley's). I said yes so I met up with them and we went on a 4 !/2 hour bar hoping road trip. We all had a great time. I really enjoyed his XBIL and had so much fun but I noticed Charlie wasn't really paying much attention to me like he always did when he use to go out with my gfs and I. I continued to go about being myself and having fun. We hit 7 bars in 4 1/2 hours, I actually was out on the open freeway going over 75 mph on that bike and I actually enjoyed it... I was quite surprised. I didn't ride with Charlie because he is an inexperienced driver so I was on with his BIL and they babied me so I would freak out. Anyway, after a great day we put the bike away and went for food. I wasn't hungry--my adreniline was pumping to much to eat so he ate. I was exhausted. I wanted to go home and he tried to talk me into spending more time with him. It was already 8:45 pm and I had to be up for work this morning at 5:30am. He stalled me for about 45 mins before he let me leave. He called me before I got home and I was on another line. He kept calling and calling. When I finally was able to answer he started making inuendo comments that were upsetting. The more he kept talking the worse he was. He was ordering me what I can and cant do. He started to tell me that I can't go out unless I invite him with. That I needed to answer his call when he called and end the one I'm on. ( I will finish this when I return from lunch break.) Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Oooh, this doesn't bode well . . . Controlling:eek: Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 sounds like you are someone very very attractive beyond the norm because you don't want him. Meaning, you're a challenge, and he's going to conquer you. Yes, he may have caring feelings for you wrapped up somewhere in that, but the main thing is that he's got to conquer you. pada, run. Change your number. Put a restraining order against him. This sounds like a very unstable situation already, and you don't need it to go any further. the bike ride sounded like fun, though ... Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Ah, yes … alcohol and "emotions". Never been a really good combination for either one of you … eh? Not to mention you both seem to be highly motivated by unrequited love … or a propensity towards feeling strongly attracted to: The One Who Got Away. I can understand how being presented with some sort of challenge can inspire feelings of passion between two people. Stoking the embers, so to speak. But I've also seen these high drama relationships fizzle out, and people become bored rather quickly, once the battle of wills is over and the object of their desire has been won. In the end, some folks can only appreciate, miss, and romantize that rare individual who was smart enough To Get Away … Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Why are you even talking to this guy? Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Why are you even talking to this guy? I think because she is drawn to men like him. Some women love dudes who are controlling, emotionally distant and own a Harley. Those are three traits that are very masculine. THat's just my theory, I could be wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Why are you even talking to this guy? exactly pada stop talking to this guy if its over then its over the more you talk to him the more the guy thinks your coming back to him. but the main thing is that he's got to conquer you. so true so true Link to post Share on other sites
NTB Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I think because she is drawn to men like him. Some women love dudes who are controlling, emotionally distant and own a Harley. Those are three traits that are very masculine. THat's just my theory, I could be wrong. your theory could be right on the money Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Oh this could get ugly....I'm worried about you!! Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 OP, you really need to read Rio's thread on breakups and NC. There is much wisdom there: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t94393/ Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 but the main thing is that he's got to conquer you. ... ehhhh........ I don't know I think Pada has kinda conquered him in a way. Now it is time to really dump him Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 (copy of last paragraph) He called me before I got home and I was on another line. He kept calling and calling. When I finally was able to answer he started making inuendo comments that were upsetting. The more he kept talking the worse he was. He was ordering me what I can and cant do. He started to tell me that I can't go out unless I invite him with. That I needed to answer his call when he called and end the one I'm on. ( I will finish this when I return from lunch break.) (I'm back from lunch, Thank you everyone for your comments so far. I need to finish telling this. Its a way for me to vent this issue instead of holding it in.) To go back a bit--As I left his place he said he would call me in a little bit. I told him I needed to return a gfs call and if I didn't answer it was because I was talking to her and that I also needed to stop at the grocery store on my way home and I don't get good reception in that store. So when he kept calling me he was fully aware that I was on the phone with my gf or I was in the grocery store so for the nerve of him to start making accusations and start ordering me around did not set well with me. My insticts kicked in and the past started to flashback when I was married and the following two BFs after. I told him he was starting to suffocate me, and no one orders me around. I told him he has no right to tell me what I can and cannot do, who I can and cannot talk too. who I can and cannot be friends with. I told him I am not a dog that he can order around. I am not trainable anymore. I am free, I am independant and I won't let a man control me again.. He was giving he indirect grief about my 'alpha friend' and I, he was making subtle hints about me cheating on him with him. I put a halt to his babbling, I told him that he has no right to be challanging me with these statements, comments, suggestions, or incinuations.. I reminded him that I broke up with him the beginning of April. That I was not exclusive with him and if I wanted to mess around with someone else or have sex with someone else I was free to do so. I reminded him that I had not commitment to him and that he has no right to be upset with me for spending time with another man... I also reminded him that when he and I were exclusive he is the one who told me if he was going to speak to his XGF face to face he would tell me ahead of time before doing it and he didn't he met up with her face to face and I noticed he was acting different that week after he seen her and I asked him if he had spoken with her and he told me he did. I asked if it was face to face and he said yes. I asked him if he hugged her and he said yes, I asked him if he kissed her and he said NO... I was upset that he didn't warn me as he said he would but I let it go because I understood that sometimes things happen without warning. But Saturday night after I told him I had spent time with my 'alpha friend' he confessed he and his XGF did kiss that day and she asked him if they could go back to his place and he claims he said NO. So He lied to me when we were exclusive.... He is the one who was wrong not me. I didn't cheat if anyone did it was more him then I. So he has no right to be possessive, controling, ill natured, upset, frustrated or hurtful towards me...!!! He really irritates me.. I am so furious with him. He has burned up my phone since 20 mins to my lunch break. 20 mins into my lunch break I answered otherwise he was going to become worse and I needed to stop him.. I asked him what he wanted. He acted like everything was fine and asked me why I was in a ill mood. I torted at him not to act stupid. He played dumb with me that he didn't understand why I was so upset with him. He claimed everything was good since we talked Saturday and I stopped him and said its not. I told him I don't need his shyt in my life and I am not going to put up with his verbal banting abuse. I reminded him that I lived with that treatment in my life for 16 1/2 years I won't put up with it again... He still claimed he didn't understand. I reminded him about last night and he said last night was fine. I said no it wasn't... I said I am sick of this crap. I wont put up with it. I won't live with it again. I told him I don't want anything to do with him. I told him he needs to get his life straightened out. He was upset by now and he started to almost plead with me that he didn't remember being such a jerk to me. I told him he not only was verbally disrespectful towards me last night but he ignored me on the bike run yesterday and he said he wasn't ignoring me he was watching me. Watching my behavior, watching how I related with his friends, watching how I handled myself. I told him NO.. he was ignoring me, He didn't give me much attention. He was in his own world. He said he was watching me and realized what it is about me that he is attracted to and he said his feelings for me opened up more watching me yesterday. I told him BS.. and he told me in a sincere tone that he loves me and he asked me for a second chance.. I told him I can't and that he has done too much damage. I told him that I don't trust him, He has 3 times now ordered me around and that doesn't fly well with me... I told him in a stern voice that I am not someone's biyatch dog whom can be commanded what to do. I was born as a individual, I am an adult, I am responsible for myself and my own actions, I don't need someone to order me around.. I can take care of myself. I would rather be alone and lonely then to be miserable with someone and loose myself again.... He begged me to give him another chance. He asked me if he and I could get together for supper tonight and I said NO. I don't want to see him or be around him. I told him I am sick of this crap and I don't want to deal with him.. He is feeling desperate now because he knows he screwed up. He had a chance after we talked Saturday night and I asked him to tread carefully. I warned him I am sensitive and on high alert so he better be careful.. Well with the added addition of alcohol yesterday he majorly screwed up.. I was having some considerations for him but I just don't feel that right now. I told him he is too exhausting, too screwed up, he is too much work and he has done way too much damage to us and me.. He wanted to talk more but I had to come back into work and I hung up on him.. I was giving him the situation as it is right now after his stupidity last night and I feeling empathy for him but I am also filled with anger towards him. I am so irratated.. He is really sentimental right now and I don't trust it.. He has barked demands at me 3 times now and I told him he has pretty much struck out. Originally Posted by alphamale I think because she is drawn to men like him. Some women love dudes who are controlling, emotionally distant and own a Harley. Those are three traits that are very masculine. THat's just my theory, I could be wrong. I have been involved with a lot of controlling men in my past, but not emotionally distant or any kind of bike owners. So on one count you are right about history.. I have been pulling away from that type of man. I don't want to be a man like my father.... The men I tend to end up with are clingy, possessive, agressive types who say they can't survive without me.. 'YUCK":sick: Charlie is behaving just like the men in my past.. :sick: Needy, clingy, obsessive, controlling, demanding men who blame alcohol, jealousy and miscommunication for their behavior... Charlie won't win me.. I see too clearly where he is going.. I don't want it.. He needs to straighten himself out before he will be decent enough for any woman.. Quank and Enig--You are both right.. I look so shiney and pretty appetizing right now because he see's me in the distance and feels the seperation finally.. It took for him to hear I was near another man.. I told him he is a fool and it will come back to bite him... Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Such useless drama. All this trouble for nothing. If anyone deserves NC, it's this dude. And OP, get a grip. The more you talk with him, the longer the breakup process is going to take. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Charlie won't win me.. I beg to differ and I'll tell you why PADA. Because your words don't match your actions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 I beg to differ and I'll tell you why PADA. Because your words don't match your actions. Watch and see... They will match up eventually.. My head is so screwed up right now and I see is 'RED" I am filled with anger right now... The 'big-hearted" side of me is feeling his pain but the biaytch in me is trying to smoosh that caring nature I am known for.. I am too nice and too fogiving most of the time... This is an area I have been practicing to harden up... Being so sensitive to other peoples feelings has hurt me more times then I can say... That is one trait everyone tells me 'Pada--Your too nice, your too caring, your heart is too big, your too fogiving!" Watch and see Alpha!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 Such useless drama. All this trouble for nothing. If anyone deserves NC, it's this dude. And OP, get a grip. The more you talk with him, the longer the breakup process is going to take. I have a grip--I pretty much have the reigns in my control of what happens in this situation. It's about me standing strong and not letting my caring nature for people get in the way of what is good for me. I have sacraficed myself for others so many times and I am fighting that trait in myself. I have been fighting to change it for the past 3 years. I am much better then I use to be. In the past I would have totally put up with his behavior, said nothing much about it and went with the flow and accepted all his empty promises... I do need to work on not always having to have the last word.... Its a flaw I have developed from my childhood of always being told to "Shut up, sit down, no one needs to hear what you have to say cause no one cares in this world." Well when I became a teenager, I learned attitude and started to really speak up.. I spoke up too much and I now have a reputation of having a loud sassy mouth with my relatives and people in my home town... I was told to shut my mouth for so long that when rebellion kicked in it really kicked in. I still fight to balance that out in myself. I want the last work subconciously and that is why I continue to speak. I have noticed in the threads I've started in LS I very often am the last poster in them too.. I am able to see my flaws most of the time.. I do know I need to go NC with him.. It's a matter of time.. I know people say do it now. Each person has their own level of tolerance and their own line to draw.. I do have boundries now in my life.. Some I need to push out further. That will come in time. I am growing, I am learning, I am making decisions for myself, I am finding boundries I never knew were good. As I told Alpha--Watch and see.. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 As I told Alpha--Watch and see.. Watch & see what PADA? The insane roller-coaster relationship you two go thru before getting married? Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 Watch & see what PADA? The insane roller-coaster relationship you two go thru before getting married? I don't see him as husband material... He is too controlling, lacks affection, and has done so much damage.. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 I don't see him as husband material... He is too controlling, lacks affection, and has done so much damage.. maybe, but this does not change the fact that you love him. Link to post Share on other sites
scrybe74 Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 2 Words.... Restraining... Order.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 maybe, but this does not change the fact that you love him. Right, a part of me does. He isn't a ugly, bad, evil, nasty man.. He has some majorly screwed up senses and way of handling things. He is feeling desperate right now because he knows what he lost-- me --because of his foolish ways. He isn't handling this well. He is acting like a 'wussbag'.. He isn't using his head and being a man about things right now.. He's desperate.. I feel for him but he needs to grow up and learn to handle things better. I can't babysit him, I can't councel him, I can't accept him the way he is. Loving him isn't enough and the love I have for him isn't that big... Truth is--I love my 'alpha friend' so much more then I do Charlie.. I would much prefer to build with him but I know I can't so I accept the 'friendship' I have with him because it is good. As for Charlie I was in the beginning stages of love with him when he repeatedly missed the boat with me and pretty much suffocated what was started. I care about him and a part of me loves him but not enough... (I believe in differenent types and stages of love.) Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Truth is--I love my 'alpha friend' who is this mysterious "alpha friend"??? Is that me? Link to post Share on other sites
Author basscatcher Posted July 24, 2006 Author Share Posted July 24, 2006 who is this mysterious "alpha friend"??? Is that me? You only wish. No sweetie its not you!! But he sure shares similiar values and beliefs as you.. Link to post Share on other sites
EnigmaXOXO Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Truth is--I love my 'alpha friend' so much more then I do Charlie.. I would much prefer to build with him but I know I can't so I accept the 'friendship' I have with him because it is good. Maybe you love this other "alpha friend" more because he continues to elude you. (The one who got away.) And now that you've got Charlie right were you've always wanted him … he now seems like a "wussbag." (???) :confused: See what I mean? Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 24, 2006 Share Posted July 24, 2006 Maybe you love this other "alpha friend" more because he continues to elude you. (The one who got away.) And now that you've got Charlie right were you've always wanted him … he now seems like a "wussbag." (???) :confused: See what I mean? WORD! .............. Link to post Share on other sites
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