stronger_daily Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I posted about my mother once and got no replies, but it was long so who really wants to read through all that crap? Basically my mother is a selfish brat. She's never cared about anyone for very long except for herself. Today I tried to talk to her about something regarding my daughter and she went off. She never let me explain what I was trying to say and she kept interrupting me. Then she starts telling me that I'm confusing my dtr because I don't give her guidance. Um....no idea where that came from. My dtr is 8. She wanted her hair cut. I told her she could get it done however she wanted, with some guidelines. No dying, no perming, no shaving of the head. Scissors only. Basically I figured if she wanted it short for summer, that was fine. If she wanted to keep some length, that was fine, too. Mom went off about how she needed layers and how a straight cut would be ugly and I told my dtr what grandma meant is that she'll be pretty no matter what and it was HER hair and therefore HER choice. I sent my dtr out of the room and tried to explain I really needed my dtr to not be influenced right then. I needed her to tell me what she wanted and then have a discussion with me about things because she responds better to give and take communication and not just being told what to do with HER body. Mom started yelling at me and telling me that it wasn't her business and she wasn't important and I'm just wondering how the heck she's getting that from me. Then I ask her how she can say I'm a bad mother. She said she never said that and I said, well you're not trusting my judgement and then she just went off again. My husband came in and, being all sorts of pregnant and emotional, I just left and started crying. My husband said, Now look what you've done. We're just trying to give our dtr some independence. He said it, not yelled it. And he honestly just was trying to explain to her and calm things down. So she screams "I'll just keep my f*cking mouth shut!" Where did THAT come from? Am I being totally emotional here or is she really just looking for a fight? Link to post Share on other sites
Outcast Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 If your mother has always been this way, why do you keep expecting her to change? Link to post Share on other sites
Author stronger_daily Posted July 25, 2006 Author Share Posted July 25, 2006 I never said I wanted her to change. I'm just wondering if my perception of the situation is correct. Am I being overly emotional or is she really that out there that she would pick a fight over a child's hair cut? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 She didn't pick a fight over a child's haircut. You aren't overly emotional. You both have issues that you need to work out with each other, underlying issues that boiled over when the haircut thing came up. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 It's not about a haircut. So what IS it about? Control? You want your dtr to have control over her own hair decisions. Your mother wants you to have it. Except that it seems that she is the one who wants to exercise control over how you exercise your control over your dtr. Is that about it? Link to post Share on other sites
mess4u Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 I think Becoming is on to something. I think you should try to work things out with your mom.Your not over reacting she sounds tough to handle Her opinion on the hair cut was rude and I would be pissed if she talked to my daughter like that. Grandmas are supposed to be wise yes ,but sweet. I think giving your daughter her independence is a good thing.You dont sound like a bad mother at all. Your Mom sounds like a Know it all, And You are old enough to voice your opinion to her she dont control you any more, She should be more like a friend with good adviced when asked. Tell her that. Link to post Share on other sites
Becoming Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 My mother, who was abusive to me as a child, actually spanked my 2-yr-old for something inconsequential once. I can still feel the nausea and the shaking as I had to confront her. Inside I was boiling in rage. But outwardly I was calm as I told her she is my daughter and it is my responsibility to be her parent--not hers. I am the one who's in charge of her discipline, not her. Her job is to spoil her with love and kindness. As long as she can do her Grandma job of lovingkindness, she is free to be with my daughter. But since it is my job as her parent to keep her safe, I will not leave her with someone who will harm her with words or actions, not even her grandmother. I collapsed in tears after I said this little speech; it was so hard to do, because standing up to my mother when I was little meant I got hit. Hard. But I was not going to let her perpetuate any more harm--especially on my daughter. Anywho, it worked. They have a wonderful relationship. And a few years later, as my mother watched how I handled that handfull of a daughter, she actually apologized to me for the way she parented, seeing a much-better alternative. Don't let anyone hurt your child. Not even with cutting remarks (bad pun lamentably intended:o ). Link to post Share on other sites
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