Chandler Bing Posted July 25, 2006 Share Posted July 25, 2006 Hi, i love my fiancee, just not in the "spend the rest of my life with you" (yet) sense. We are due to get married, and as we are getting closer, I am feeling more and more opposed to the idea. I really don't want to hurt her or disappoint lots of people and this makes it worse I am thinking of suggesting we postpone it (even though this will cost us a lot of money) I don't think I want us to break up at all, but will this be inevitable if I cancel our wedding? anyone been in this situation or could advise me? Link to post Share on other sites
Heavenseventeen Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 You need to tell the truth as soon as possible. If this is more than cold feet, then she really needs to know. It is better to be honest now, than wait until you are in front of the priest, or when you are on the honeymoon or in the divorce court. If I was her, I would want to know. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Having broken an engagement, yes, your relationship will be over. In my case it was before any wedding plans were made. And we did get back together and did marry...and still are married 16 years later. I would definitely postpone the wedding if you are not ready. However, please consider that many many people develop cold feet because they place too much on the idea that they are getting married ...instead of thinking that this just means that I get to spend the rest of my life with her/him. It is better now to break and engagement than tommorow divorcing and ruining a family. Link to post Share on other sites
superconductor Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Before you do anything, try and determine exactly - and I do mean EXACTLY - why you're developing these feelings. Are there red flags with her that you've ignored because you love her? Is it the frantic - and horrifically expensive - wedding day that's stressing you out? Do you have friends or relatives that are cautioning you to wait another year or whatever?You may be just getting the standard pre-wedding jitters, which is perfectly normal. Or your subconscious may be warning you of trouble ahead if you go through with it. Whatever it is, get specific, then once you've got that figured out, make a decision based on that. Link to post Share on other sites
Walk Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Personally, I think if he's to the stage of asking "how do I call it off?" Then it's more than pre-wedding jitters. I went through the same kinds of emotions prior to my wedding, and I wish to hell I would've listened to them. Instead I chalked it up to nerves, and convinced myself I was doing the right thing. I didn't want to end the relationship, I just wasn't ready for marriage. Except, if you cancel the wedding it'll ruin the relationship. Basically you promised her she could have you for the rest of your life.. and now you're saying.. wait, I changed my mind. I take it back. You're not really the one, or at the very least, if you are I don't put much stock in it. If you're asking how to call it off... then don't get married. It might be nerves, it might be something more... but either way, you'll hate the wedding day. You'll feel like you just signed your life away, or entered prison, instead of having it be a joyful wonderous day. Not a good way to start a future together. You'll have to just tell her. Point blank. No preamble, or confusing lead in. Just tell her. Then prepare for all hell to break loose. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts