Does LDR really work?

[l2hvn]

So what do you guys think about long distance relationships? Do they actually work?

[Becoming]

Like a SDR, it depends on the people. My H of 25 years and I had a LDR for a year before we were married. It was rough and we almost didn't make it but we did.

[magichands]

Of course they can work. They require effort - just like any relationship. And you look forward to the time you do get together sooo much!

 

I guess they require a certain strength of character. It helps when you know you have definitely found the right person though - you want the best, so forget the rest.

 

And it's probably not for the kind of person that needs to be fawning over (and fawned over by) somebody 24 hours a day.

 

It has never been easier with the electronic revolution!!!! Cheap phone calls, IM, webcam, email - not to forget surprise packages via snail mail.

[confusedgeek]

Im pretty happy in mine. Over 7 months and going strong.

 

- ConfusedGeek

[john2776]

So many of my relationships have been long distance. My current relationship started long distance. Yes it can work. The biggest factor is how often can you see each other. When the time frame extends beyond 3 months it gets extremely tough. I don't recommend even attempting such a long timeframe. If you are talking about someone living 3 hours away - no problem. I never had any issues just catching up on weekends - in fact I have fond memories driving to my ex gf's town every friday night so I could see her.

 

Some people however are not cut out for it. If you or the partnet are a jealous or suspicious type, forget it.

[confused423]

yea i agree it really depends on the relationship and what the couple needs out of it. I have to have affection so ive never been able to hold a LDR even if the LDR is just for the summer. And my friends seem to vary but some do work.

[Ukwizard]

Not always, but like some people say, it really depends on the couple, and how `needy` the couple are for each other.

 

My brother had a relationship with a girl 800 miles away. When that relationship finished. His other relationship was from the UK, and she was in Shanghai!

 

I think for some distance isnt a problem. Although time, (not enough of seeing each other) money (cost of fuel, travelling costs) and commitment (how long the couple see themselves in the future as a couple).

 

Overall I think many do fail. Why? Well in the end one, or the other has to make a sacrifice.

 

Who is going to move to be with who? That will be the biggest deciding factor.

[Guest]

So what do you guys think about long distance relationships? Do they actually work?

 

they work IF both people are completely honest with each other AND committed to making it work. it also helps if you both trust each other. otherwise, it might last for a little while, but won't go the distance.

[beachlover]

LDR's can work... but don't expect it to be easy!! I have been in a LDR for two years. We live 300 miles apart (close enough to drive to visit, far enough that we usually visit on long weekends), and believe me it takes a ton of work... not to scare you off or anything!

 

If you decide to have a LDR here are a few things to think about:

-How often are you each willing to visit the other?

-Can you (financially + time wise) afford to visit that often?

-Are you going to trade off with who visits who?

-Are you willing to devote time every (or every other) night to talk on the phone?

 

I don't know what your relationship is like or what kind of situation you will be in if/when you start a LDR so this is somewhat generic advice. Good luck with whatever happens

[Rikka]

Whew! Just the kind of inspiration I was looking for. My boyfriend and I have just begun an LDR. There is a limited time set on it (up to 18 months) and then I know he is returning. It has only been two weeks (and getting better everyday). I am glad to read some of the posts in this thread. It gives me hope that things indeed can work out. Thanks!

[Butterflying]

Success of an LDR depends on the couple. One of my best friends has been in an LDR for 5 years and it's still going strong. However, before entering an LDR, you should consider what you actually want out of the relationship. Is the partner potentially one that you could marry, or have a long-term commitment with. The relationship has to be worth all the extra effort that will be put into it.

 

In the past, I've been willing to have an LDR because I thought my BF was the best man in the world. No other man compared to him. But as soon as my feelings about him changed, the LDR was no longer worth all the trouble. We split.

[Sand&Water]

So what do you guys think about long distance relationships? Do they actually work?

It depends on the people involved, and the strength of the love. I have never been in an LDR - so can't tell you much from my experience. I have heard, though, tons of good and bad stories of LDR.

 

All in all, and in the end it is about taking chances, building determination, and hoping for the best. What about not having a certain date set for the next visitation? Doesn't that close doors, and make the future seem questionable? How do you cope with not having anough money to make the trip? How do you know it will work out, next time you see each other? I'm just wondering, because you never know.

[Kelebek]

I'll let you know, lol. One way or another, I'll find out one day!! My boyfriend and I are 2000 miles apart and going strong. However, when it hits that long a distance, I guess it really doesn't matter if it's 1000 or 10,000 miles apart, because you know it's not possible to see each other "every weekend" as some people are fortunate enough to be able to do, so you just need to deal with it. I will fly to see him in a couple of weeks, and then hopefully he will be able to visit me in the winter, or vice versa. It's tough, but like a previous poster says, it depends if you're cut out for it or not. I'm extremely independent and definitely don't need someone paying me constant attention - I'm not needy at all, and therefore I'm coping ok.

 

However, I do like being part of a couple and when we're together, our time just seems that much more special. I believe I've found someone really amazing, and I'm willing to go through whatever to reach the goal of being together, living an ordinary life. It obviously helps to know he feels the same. You both HAVE to have the same mindset regarding the relationship - just like a 'normal' relationship without the distance. And obviously trust is the most important thing. If you can't trust each other, you might aswell kiss it goodbye.

 

I don't understand why it SHOULDN'T work, if we overcome those obstacles. Other people in "normal" relationships often have bigger obstacles. We're just a normal girl and boy *shrug* I suppose I may only be thinking positively at the moment because I see him really soon...after that it may be a different story lol. But I will be back at university and have other things to focus on, so while it may sound callous, it suits me at the moment!!

 

He's just a wonderful guy, and we have no emotional distance between us, so it's great You can be with someone, have them physically by your side, and be thousands of miles apart emotionally. From experience, I know which one is worse. I'm happy where I am

[Guest]

As someone who has endured a long distance relationship for 4 years, I can say that they do work. I will admit that they are depressing and lonely, but there is nothing more satisfying than knowing that I am with him.

 

One thing that is for sure, is that you must be committed, and utterly in love with your significant other. And if this is the case, then you will find the most creative ways to make it work: phone dates, writing emails or letters, etc. Then when you finally get to see each other, its like love at first sight. My advice, is have faith and commit yourself to love...afterall isnt that why we're here?

[RecordProducer]

So what do you guys think about long distance relationships? Do they actually work?

Hubby and I met online and were in a LDR for 1.5 years before we got married. It worked very well for us.

[Guest]

You could see someone physically every night of the week, yet be emotionally distant.

Or, you could see someone a few times a year and mesh completely

emotionally.

 

Given the choice, I'd pick the latter!!! :-)

 

I think LDR's do require work, but then so do SDR's.

If emotional closeness is lacking in either, then its just not going to work.

If the couple is emotional close, then I think it can definitely work.

In a SDR, you may take each other for granted.

In an LDR, the time you spend together will be worth the wait.

 

LDR's are not for everyone, I know some of my friends cannot survive in an LDR despite their best efforts, b/c they need someone to be there physically for them a few times a week.

Myself, I'm not like that - probably b/c I'm the type of someone who would rather be single than with the wrong person...so I've grown up to be independent, and don't' require someone to be there for me everyday.

 

I think if you love, trust, respect each other....and love and respect yourself enough to be emotionally and physically independent while not with your SO.....an LDR can totally work.

Of course - there has to be a light at the end of the tunnel - you obviously can't be in an LDR forever....one or both people have to move to be together.

It might just be a timing issues - maybe one or both people are in school, or on contracts w/ their job, but after that obligation is finished, the relationship should take precedence!

 

Good Luck......!!!

[Guest]

I think LDR's do require work, but then so do SDR's.

If emotional closeness is lacking in either, then its just not going to work.

If the couple is emotional close, then I think it can definitely work.

In a SDR, you may take each other for granted.

In an LDR, the time you spend together will be worth the wait.

 

I totally agree. I think the key to making any relationship work (especially LDR's) is maintaining a strong sense of emotional intimacy/connection at all times. Just make you sure that you communicate A LOT and share lots of feelings with each other, especially fears, dreams, hopes, desires, etc., on a regular basis. Talk, talk, talk! Use the time apart to REALLY get to know each other on a deeper, non-sexual level. Be creative. Think of cool things you can do "together" to bring you closer.

 

My husband and I have been mainly in a LDR for almost 5 years now. I found a 300-question love questionnaire online last year and sent him a copy of it. We agreed to do a certain number of questions (usually 4 or 5) every Sunday night (we pick out which ones to do in advance)... then we handwrite our answers and snail mail them to each other. We've been doing that every week for almost a year now, and we've actually learned a lot of new things about each other and I feel more emotionally connected to him now than I ever have before. Also, as a result of being in a LDR for so long, we've come to appreciate the little time we spend with each other so much more and not take it for granted like we used to. We're actually both very happy right now, considering.

 

Anyways, my point is - yes, LDR's can work. You just both have to put in the effort to stay emotionally connected because once you become emotionally distant ON TOP OF being physically distant, it's all downhill from there.

[guest5555]

im in a ldr right now we are like half of the globe apart. for the past 3 yrs its ok because i trust her and i know that she's not gonna do anything that will harm our relationship. until i found out she's dating someone through friendster ( she thought i don't have an account but i know she got one ) . she got pictures of him all over her page. i talked to her by the phone and she told he's just a friend i didnt believe her. so after that we are ok i forgave her then after 2 days she stopped answering my calls and then she emailed me and broke up with me. i became depressed then we are nc fro 10 days. i called her and she answered the phone but this time i was crying telling her that i love her and i don't wanna lose her. we reconciled but now i dont trust her anymore right now i don't know if what i did is right. im suffering depression right now.

[myflyby]

been going 2 years (with the exception of summer holidays) and its hard at times, but we're still together

[Guest]

I'm in an LDR at the moment, we've been apart about 3 months so far and I hate it. I am on a year abroad as part of my degree and she has finished her degree and has started work. We would originally have been together after this academic year but now she has said we may have to extend it for another year after this 1. I feel like I'm not coping very well after 3 months so I don't really think I can go on all that time. It's so depressing, I feel quite lost, I want to spend my life with this girl but don't know if I can bear all this time apart because it is driving me nuts. I had gotten so used to waking up next to her every day and knowing she'd always be there. I don't think I can carry on being depressed like this for 2 years but what can I do?

I Don't usually post on forums like this, I just did a google search while I was sat here feeling frustrated, it felt good to write it down anyway.

[Rooster_DAR]

So what do you guys think about long distance relationships? Do they actually work?

 

*Stares at l2hvn's avatar*

 

Uhhh, I would like to try a LDR.

[Guest]

My BF and I have been together for 2 years and he actually just moved a couple months 2 hours away I was petrified at first on how it was going to work, I felt like in the beginning of course he is going to miss me, then he will meet people (guys and girls) and that will all fade away... fortunately that is not the case so far! We see each every weekend I go to him or he comes to me and we talk a couple times a day on the phone. It has been great and I think it has helped our relationship. Be confident in your relationship LDR's can work and the last thing you want to do is scare the other person off by being to insecure!!!!!

[YellowLioness]

I have a rather complicated perception of ldrs. I think that distance enhances emotions, both good and bad. I think that both parties involved must put more effort into the emotional aspect of the relationship in order for it to work well.

 

Also, both parties must strive to find things in common- such as reading books together.

 

Sometimes, distance can cover up problems that would be more apparent if the parties lived together, such as cheating or moodiness.

 

It also makes it easier to over look problems, because both parties will tend to cherish what time they do spend together, rather then focusing on said problems.

 

Sometimes, if both are busy, its hard to find time to talk on the phone, or through e-mail. Plus, if your relationship is mostly electronic, it's easy to misconstrue what has been said (even with amusing emoticons:bunny: )

 

I believe that if two people are compatible and are "meant" to be, then they'll find a way to be regardless of distance or other problems. It's also easier if both parties actively plan on being closer together (like moving in, or moving together to the same town, etc) because it gives a time line, or a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

In my experiences, I wouldn't want to be in a relationship that was primarily a LDR.

[Guest]

you know I want to know the same thing. My boyfreind is over 12 hours away from me and it is so hard what do you do to fill that void?

 

 

So what do you guys think about long distance relationships? Do they actually work?

[l2hvn]

Hi guys! Just an update.

 

When I posted this thread, I didn't think it would be for me. But after meeting my now fiance, my perceptions have definitely changed. Yup..... we are engaged!!!

 

Like many others have said, it's a lot of work, but well worth it if you know you've found the right person.

 

"When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible." (When Harry Met Sally)

 

We are moving in together this summer.

 

So.. to answer my own question...

 

It does work!!!