Am I being silly?

[Nur]

I was mentioning to my boyfriend today that I don't get "that look" from him very often. I think girls know what I mean -- that glow in a boy's eyes when he thinks you are absolutely gorgeous. When he does give me his "sexy" look, it seems feigned to me. Once I called him on it, and he agreed, laughing. He was "just playing around."

 

I try hard to look pretty for him. I spent extra time on my hair today, trying to make it less frizzy. I wore a brand new outfit and took some time with my makeup. All he said was, "nice shirt." Probably because the shirt was obviously new. He doesn't notice if my hair is crappy or not, or if I have any makeup or not. He only tells me I am pretty if I am standing outside at night in the dark.

 

I know he loves who I am, but sometimes I just wish I felt PRETTY around him. Other guys at college have "that look" or tell me how beautiful they think I am, even when I'm not trying at all. It just makes me feel confident and sexy when I see that.

 

I asked him if he thought other girls were hot. At first he says he hasn't seen any lately, but he sounded like he was lying. Then he described, in great detail with a light in his eyes and a warmth in his voice, the beautiful body of a girl named Mary Beth. He talked of how she was just so naturally beautiful, without even trying, and so smiley all the time, and about her soft black hair and her "above average" boobs (mine are 34 B, dead average).

 

For some reason, that really hurt. The fact that he could get an erection from another girl just by glancing at her body, while I have to kiss him and touch him to get him into it, and after he's had his satisfaction the rest is forced. The enthusiasm in his voice when he spoke of her stung as well. I am not usually the jealous type, but it just hurts to think that someone else is turning your boyfriend on without effort when you do all sorts of things and barely get noticed. When I talked to him about it, he said, "But I love who you are, I don't notice things like attraction much anymore." Bull. After I asked him further, he said, "You're not hot. But you can be sexy." Of course I am sexy, trying to make out with you!

 

Just out of curiousity, I looked her up in the yearbook. I wanted to see what my boyfriend's definition of "hot" was. To my amazement, the girl was extremely plain! She had a big old nose, way overplucked eyebrows, and looked kind of wide in the shoulders. As I re-read the name, trying to make sure it was right, his ex-girlfriend sprung into my mind. She was fat, and plain as dirt. Another girl he's liked had a nice enough body, but a jutting chin and depression. I decided he must have pretty bad taste in girls. I called him and told him as much, saying I don't care if he thinks I am pretty or not, because all the girls he likes are woofers. Of course, I was still hurt and bitter over the earlier conversation, but he got mad and I still feel like crap.

 

Am I wrong to be hurt over what happened, or I am being stupid? I just feel like he should be more attracted to me than he is. I want his eyes to glow for me, not for some distant memory of a bikini-clad girl. I want him to speak of me the way he spoke of her. The fact that one moment made such an impression on him, and that I have to practically push him to get in the mood for me just makes me feel cruddy. I think I am pretty good looking and he should feel darn lucky to have me. Instead I feel more often than not like either a tool of temporary amusement (he allows himself to be seduced) or a way for him to get off (he fakes his way through seducing me and loses interest once I've done for him). Makes me feel so valued.

[Guest]

No your not being silly, i have the same problem, but opposite in a way.

I have no confidence in th way i look at all, i do believe i am very ugly, but all my byf's ex girlfriend are stunningly beautiful, and i always wonder why the hell he is with me.

He constantly tells me that a girl he works with is very pretty, and i must admit i do get jealous.

He always tells me i'm beautiful, but i just dont believe that any one could find me attractive!

I know how you feel, you need the reassurance from your byf, so that you feel pretty. So in a way i know how you feel!

[Nur]

Well, I talked to him about it. Apparently he was harboring some sort of jealousy of his own, and instead of just being open with me, he kept it all inside and let it build. Then, when the oppertunity arose, he took it and hurt me like I'd hurt him. I do believe he's deeply sorry for his words and actions (or lack thereof) and I hope that in the future he'll talk about what's bothering him, not go and passive-aggressively turn the tables.