ex

[mixed up]

MY ex and I broke up about a month ago. We ended it on good terms and agreed to be friends after some time apart.

 

That time apart keeps getting shorter and shorter. He keeps calling me telling me that he cares about me, wants to be with me but he can't commit to me. I've tried talking to him telling him that he can't tell me these things b/c it's not helping me get over him. We hang out every now and then just like we used to. I asked him the other day what the difference was between what we had and what we have now and he just says commitment. He is not seeing anyone else and neither am I for now. I mentioned something about seeing other people last night and he got really sad and quite. He said that is not what he wants. I asked him what he wanted and he could not give me an answer.

 

What should I do? I would like to be with him but do not want to go through this everytime he can't commit. We are both 22 and were together for 8 months. We've been friends for 8 years, so I KNOW we can stay friends.

[Katherine]

I think that if you have an underlying strong friendship, you should be able to be totally honest with one another. It sounds like your ex (sorry to sound cliche) wants to have his cake and eat it too. He wants the security of having you in his life, but also wants the freedom to not fully commit. I think you need to answer the question 'what do you want?' for both of you, and come to a more final decision about the status of your relationship. You are either together in a committed relationship, and it is what both of you want, or you should go your separate ways. If you do part, you need to break off contact for a while. Trying to maintain a friendship immediately after a break-up is just too painful for everyone involved.

 

Don't accept less than what you want. If you want a committment, then don't settle anything else. Walk away and hold your head high. If he is confused, the best thing you can do is just to be honest about your own feelings, and let him go. He may soon realize that he made a mistake. It may be too late by that point. Good luck.

MY ex and I broke up about a month ago. We ended it on good terms and agreed to be friends after some time apart. That time apart keeps getting shorter and shorter. He keeps calling me telling me that he cares about me, wants to be with me but he can't commit to me. I've tried talking to him telling him that he can't tell me these things b/c it's not helping me get over him. We hang out every now and then just like we used to. I asked him the other day what the difference was between what we had and what we have now and he just says commitment. He is not seeing anyone else and neither am I for now. I mentioned something about seeing other people last night and he got really sad and quite. He said that is not what he wants. I asked him what he wanted and he could not give me an answer. What should I do? I would like to be with him but do not want to go through this everytime he can't commit. We are both 22 and were together for 8 months. We've been friends for 8 years, so I KNOW we can stay friends.