chances are

[patience123]

Hi

I'm on here for the obvious reasons so here goes.....

 

My partner and I have been in a long distance relationship now for four years. Last year we bought a flat together but during this time I had great some fears and insecuritiies (i.e leaving family and a secure job) in making the move.

 

It is only now that I have overcome my fears and feel confident in making the move. Unfortunatley a month ago my partner has stated that he is terrified that if I give up everything and make this move there might be a chance that I won't be happy and he is not willing to take this risk. He has also stated that he will not allow me to make this move as he need to see if this relationship is right for him. He is now having his space and time.

 

I am attempting with everything in my heart and mind to allow him the space he needs but my fears are rising yet again - I know it's only natural. At present, he has allowed me come to the flat - but he continues to need his space whilst I here. I'm now terrified that I once I leave that it will be a case of out of sight out of mind.

 

I am still planning to relocate within the next three months and becoming self reliant but of course want things to be resolved before my move. But I'm not too sure if he can every forgive me for being hesitant over the last year.

 

I am really open to suggestions but the same time at wits end at the moment. Please help....

[francis]

So you bought a flat together at his location which he has been living in since last year?

 

You still visit him but he is unsure about a permanent move for you from your place to move in together?

 

You will move to his area regardless of the relationship breaking down or not?

 

I have been in your position, whereby my LDR boyfriend has expressed great uncertainty over my moving to his country, uprooting myself, him feeling uncertain about the future etc. That was when we were together and a year after breaking up.

 

For me, it came down to the fact he didnt want our relationship enough.

That is just my experience.

 

I think it is natural to have some apprehension in the back of your mind, with such a huge move.

 

But overriding this should be the ultimate excitement and happiness at finally being able to be together.

 

If you really see yourselves as a unit, a couple, facing life's challenges together, then you should be able to support eachother through the tough spots.

 

If you are to make this huge move, it must be with both of you 100% certain that you both want it.

 

I would not move to his area unless you have family and friends there, a fantastic job opportunity there and can face the idea of being in his area alone without him.

 

I've learnt that you cannot convince anyone to feel a certain way, or to want a certain thing in a relationship. He either wants it badly enough, or doesnt.

 

I advise you to wait it out until you reach your threshold barrier and can wait no more. Don't pressurise him, but also bear in mind that your feelings count in this. It's not all about fitting in to his timeframe, when he is ready etc.