Is this odd?

[Sarah]

Before I get started, I'll let you know that I'm 16 so that if this problem is one normally occuring in highschool boys, it will be easily recognized.: ) My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now. We get along great and he is the first guy I've ever loved. The thing is, whenever we have any sort of misunderstanding, he just clams up and won't say a word. During this time, he stops telling me he loves me. But only when we have any sort of fight, big or small. The latest problem isn't a big deal to me, I don't see why it bothers him but here it is: he doesn't want to go to our school's homecoming with me because he says he can't dance. That's fine with me, I told him that I wouldn't try and make him go but if he wasn't going, then I was going to take Matthias, a guy from another school who needs a date for the sole purpose of getting into the dance. He got upset by this, and said he'd be more comfortable with Joel or Matt (his friends) taking me. Today in school I was informed that my friend Steve would take me. I'm trying to be fair to him by not pouting and whining and trying to make him go but I think he is being unfair to me by trying to set limits on what I can do. And, of course, through out all of this he has stopped telling me he loves me. Just a week or so ago, he questioned me and asked if I honestly loved him and said he was absolutely positive he loved me. Now I am thinking, why does this love seem to stop when we disagree on something? I think I'm going to confront the issue with him tonight and ask why he does this. I know that it will probably get me no where though because it will only make him mad and then he'll stop talking and answer all my questions with "I don't know". I'm sorry to have rambled but any advice would be appreciated, as well as similar experiences and there outcomes.

[Totally Confused]

Before I get started, I'll let you know that I'm 16 so that if this problem is one normally occuring in highschool boys, it will be easily recognized.: ) My boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now. We get along great and he is the first guy I've ever loved. The thing is, whenever we have any sort of misunderstanding, he just clams up and won't say a word. During this time, he stops telling me he loves me. But only when we have any sort of fight, big or small. The latest problem isn't a big deal to me, I don't see why it bothers him but here it is: he doesn't want to go to our school's homecoming with me because he says he can't dance. That's fine with me, I told him that I wouldn't try and make him go but if he wasn't going, then I was going to take Matthias, a guy from another school who needs a date for the sole purpose of getting into the dance. He got upset by this, and said he'd be more comfortable with Joel or Matt (his friends) taking me. Today in school I was informed that my friend Steve would take me. I'm trying to be fair to him by not pouting and whining and trying to make him go but I think he is being unfair to me by trying to set limits on what I can do. And, of course, through out all of this he has stopped telling me he loves me. Just a week or so ago, he questioned me and asked if I honestly loved him and said he was absolutely positive he loved me. Now I am thinking, why does this love seem to stop when we disagree on something? I think I'm going to confront the issue with him tonight and ask why he does this. I know that it will probably get me no where though because it will only make him mad and then he'll stop talking and answer all my questions with "I don't know". I'm sorry to have rambled but any advice would be appreciated, as well as similar experiences and there outcomes.

Well, I am much older than you and believe me I have experienced similar situations several times. They always work out fine and if you play your cards right, you'll get your way. Here's the thing, and you'll learn it's true the older you get. Men like to control and they like to control their women, especially if they're in love with her-not all, but a lot of them. Here's the thing. When he doesn't talk to you and tell you he loves you, it's because he pouting, because he's not getting his way. when a baby pouts, ignore it and go about your business. that makes them even angrier. it's going to make him want to be with you more. he'll threaten to break up with you, he'll withdraw and hold back his feelings for you, but it is all a ploy to get you to do what he wants you to do. now the trick to getting what you want, is to keep ignoring him. ignore his threats to leave you, because he definitely doesn't mean it and ignore anything else he does. ignoring him and his threats will make him so angry. act like nothing he says is getting to you and continue to get another date for the dance. whoever you want, not who he wants. i guarantee, if you follow this, he's the one who will be going to the dance with you. i've seen it 1000 times. i was dating a guy who i wanted to go to a wedding with me. he said no, i don't want to go. i told him i was bringing my brother's best friend. he said absolutely not. then he said, if you do that, you can't go to the wedding. I said, excuse me, who are you to tell me i can't go to my own cousins wedding. who do you think you are, my owner. i told him, i will take whoever i want and there's nothing he can do about it. he said, if i did that, he'd break up with me. i said, fine, break up with me, if you're that shallow. he said fine. because i didn't let him see me get upset, he ended up getting angrier. well, after a couple of days, when he saw i wasn't giving in and he couldn't control me. he came to be and started telling me he loved me and asked for me back. i said fine. we can get back together, but I'm going with my brother's best friend. he said please, i'm begging you don't. i said the only way i wouldn't go is if he went with me. he ended up going with me to the wedding.

 

You have to understand that this guy may not be around 1 or 2 or 5 yrs. from now and you'll have the memory of this dance for the rest of your life. That's why i think you should go with who you want to go with and will have fun with. your bf is being really selfish. he could go and not dance fast, just hold you and dance the slow dances with you. he's the one that is causing this fight. whenever he starts acting like a jerk who's mad cause he's not getting his way, picture him in a diaper with a baby bottle on the floor pouting. you'll at least get a laugh.

 

anyway, good luck with whatever decision you make and remember, it's about you and not him. if he can't trust you to be faithful to him, then he's not for you, he's insecure. let me know what happens.

[Karen]

Hi honey,

 

I am 23 and have been with my boyfriend since I was your age. I see the situation as a conflict of interests. Why won't he take you knowing that he doesn't have to dance. Does he not have any desire to go be with all your friends? I think there may be another reason why he doesn't want to go to the dance. My man never enjoyed dancing too much at all, but we always went to the dances together and when it came to dancing I would join other friends on the dance floor while he chatted with his buddies about cars or something. I would ask him what the real reason is for not wanting to go.

 

Also, I would re-evaluate if this is the kind of relationship you want this early in life. Go have fun! Don't let boys keep you from doing things that you want to do!

[Sarah]

Last night was the Homecoming dance and I went with Matthias, the guy from another school. I had a great time with him, he's such a cool guy. So today I called Kyle and he asked about the dance and about Matthias. I wasn't going to lie, I told him I had a really good time there. He had been fine with this for awhile, he got over his original temper tantrum that occured a week ago and acted fine again. But after this conversation, he acted pissed and used the usual one word answers. I'm sick of this because he's making a bigger deal of it than it is and is acting childish. I know some of you will tell me to stop dating him, but it isn't that easy. I won't give up on him because I love him and this would be a stupid reason to break up. I know we're young, but that doesn't mean that relationships aren't important and can be ended painlessly. Anyways, I just wanted to give an update, but he got off the phone pissed so I still don't know what will happen. I'll keep writing if anyone cares to read it. : )