Guest Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 I'm in a fairly new relationship with a man I've known for many years. He is living at home (with his folks for the summer) so I can't stay there. He frequently stays the night on the weekends and he's on break right now from school, but is going back in a couple of weeks with a very heavy school and work schedule. It seems to me that we will not be spending much time together once class starts again. He frequently wants to get dinner or hang out or have a drink a drink or two, but then he wants to go home. What gives? Also, I've resorted to not being intimate with him on these nights because I can tell he's going to leave. We've talked about it, but he doesn't want to change and says "sometimes I just want to see you" and he acknowleges that sex and then leaving is crummy, so we don't. But I'd almost prefer not to see him at all if he's not going to stay over. Am I being unrealistic and should understand that he wants to be at home in his own space and bed? Should I just be happy that he wants to see me? I feel like I can't even say "I want you to stay the night" because he'll feel too pressured. But frequently he does just stay. What gives? Link to post Share on other sites
AwkwardMan Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 How old are both of you? Is he working during the week? Is his folks' home closer to his work? Does he go to work early in the day? I don't see what's wrong with having sex and still going home for the night. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 We're both in our late 20s his work schedule is veeerrryy flexible, I have to be to work by 8. I own my condo and the distance to his work is roughly the same as from his house, as in, not very far at all (less than ten minutes). How old are both of you? Is he working during the week? Is his folks' home closer to his work? Does he go to work early in the day? I don't see what's wrong with having sex and still going home for the night. Link to post Share on other sites
abitconfused Posted July 29, 2006 Share Posted July 29, 2006 Sounds like to me he does not love you and does not really care to be with you that much. If something comes up and you break it off for something else does he care/mind? Link to post Share on other sites
HopefulOne Posted July 29, 2006 Share Posted July 29, 2006 I do not think this is a good sign. If he isn't going to change and it's not what you want then I think you should find someone who wants to be with you!! How often do you see him? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 29, 2006 Share Posted July 29, 2006 Some people have a bigger need for personal time than others. If he is happy to spend the night with you on the weekends, but wants his weeknights to himself, I don't know that you need to be all that concerned about it. As he said, he just wants to see you...isn't that a compliment to you? He's willing to respect your feelings about having sex and leaving...he wants to see you and spend time with you talking and laughing over dinner or a drink regardless of whethere he's 'gettin' any'...isn't that also a compliment to you and a sign that he loves your company? What if he didn't want to see you during the week? What if he just called or sent email or text messaged you - or didn't contact you at all during the week - and ONLY wanted to spend time with you on weekends? Would you be happy with that situation? You don't have to spend the night together every time you see each other to love each other. It sounds like you are with a man who needs more private time than you do. If it makes you insecure, then you're likely to have problems together in the future. If you were to live together, he'd still want some private time, and I suspect you would take that personally as you are taking this. You two might not be a good match for each other in the long run. Link to post Share on other sites
Sally00 Posted July 29, 2006 Share Posted July 29, 2006 You don't want to see him if he's not going to stay over?? Aren't you asking for a little too much there? What's wrong with just seeing him? I can understand being at home in his own bed having his own space. When I slept with my boyfriend (literally just closed our eyes... no premarital sex for ME!), it was nice. But sometimes I get crammed and not able to move around often... So I can see where your boyfriend's coming from. Just be happy he atleast wants to see you!!!! I had a b/f once who didn't even seem like he wanted to see me. I always had to ask when I was able to see him. Atleast your boyfriend isn't like THAT. You should really be thankful for someone who atleast lets you know you exist... Don't expect so much. You don't wanna ruin what you have with this guy because of petty things. Being needy is a turn-off. Link to post Share on other sites
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