canadian_cutie Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 This is my first post here although I have been lurking around for a while. I wasn't sure about posting here but after reading some of the supportive and insightful answers I decided to give it a try...I'm hoping it won't be too long. I have been dating my current BF for about eight months. (although neither of us can really pinpoint when it all began) We met when we were taking a class together and have pretty much been inseperable since then. However our beginning was weird - I approached him about becoming F*** buddies (I was just coming out of a long term relationship and I wasn't sure I was ready for anything else) I should say that I have never done that before but I guess I was feeling brave that day. Well, he turned me down!! I didn't get it at first because I knew he was attracted to me - later he told me that he really liked me and didn't think that he could do the "no strings attatched" thing. So anyways we went on as friends for a while and then it just kind of happened - not sure when or how - but it has been great. We have fun together, we laugh and we play. We have met one anothers families (he has met my child as well and is great with her) and friends. My problem lies in the fact that we are utter and complete opposites. And while this can be alot of fun at times when it comes to comminication I'm baffled! Is it just that women and men communicate so diffrently? I like to talk and he doesn't talk at all. If I ask him anything he says he does not know or isn't thinking anything. At first I thought he was just letting me make all the decisions because he was being charming - now its just getting irritating (he can't even decide which way he wants to walk if we go for a walk so you can imagine big discussions). We had a really big fight about it yesterday (our first ever) but there seems to be no resolution in sight. I really do try to be understanding but getting nothing from him in return is hard. I have tried not to make a big deal of this - i know he shows me that he loves me and cares about me and that was enough for a while but now I am doubting in my mind. I am beginning to feel like I'm not good enough, cute enough etc.- my inner dialogue has never been this negative. But I don't know how to explain this so he understands - there seems to be no middle ground. I need to hear it sometimes I guess. He says I'm insecure and this may be true but i've never been insecure in any other relationship - does anyone have any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 I am beginning to feel like I'm not good enough, cute enough etc.- my inner dialogue has never been this negative. I'm not sure I understand, either. How does his being a quiet guy (not talking much), and not being able to make decisions become a reason for you to feel as though you aren't good enough, and cute enough? What's the connection between those two things? In any case, yes, men and women communicate very differently. You've heard of that "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" book? Pick up a copy - it covers exactly the communication issues men and women have and how to speak to each other so that they can understand better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author canadian_cutie Posted July 26, 2006 Author Share Posted July 26, 2006 I guess I feel this way because he never tells me anything - like that he finds me attractive, sexy, fun etc. When I say that he doesn't talk I mean he really doesn't - and not just with me - with anyone. I know they say actions speak louder than words but eventually (at least in my case) I need to hear something. I don't need validation all the time but even just once would be amazing!! Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 Read men are from mars, women are from venus, as the wise NJ suggested. Yes men and women communicate differently. We are socialized differently. There are different expectations for the genders. And regarding your inner dialogue, that sounds like classic female insecurity. Not saying you can just "get over it". But feel confident about yourself and do not pin your self confidence on how anyone perceives you. Base your self confidence on how you feel about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
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