How do I stop being a jealous b**ch!?!

[precious99]

I wish there was a better spin to put on this to make me feel better but there just isn't. Somewhere in the seven months that my BF and I have been together I have turned into a jealous b**ch!! I have never been jealous in a relationship before so a part of me doesn't understand what is going on. My friends tell me that it's because I love him - but come on!! I am thirty years old - way too old for this immature childish behaviour.

 

So obviously in my mind I realize what I'm doing and I want it to stop I just can't figure out what to do. I have been good at hiding it but it is beggining to rear its ugly head to the point that my BF is aware. The other day I freaked out ( not screaming or anything but I completely shut down - no more talking, laughing etc) because he was looking at another girl in his rear view mirror (although he does look at other girls frequently even though he knows it bothers me) It makes me feel weak and clingy and insecure. I don't want to be that. How do I make it go away and turn back into that confident goddess that I was in the beginning?

 

I should say that my BF does not communicate his feeling and express emotion very well (if at all) I don't know if this has any bearing on the situation. What can I do?

[CrushedOrgans]

I wish there was a better spin to put on this to make me feel better but there just isn't. Somewhere in the seven months that my BF and I have been together I have turned into a jealous b**ch!! I have never been jealous in a relationship before so a part of me doesn't understand what is going on. My friends tell me that it's because I love him - but come on!! I am thirty years old - way too old for this immature childish behaviour.

 

So obviously in my mind I realize what I'm doing and I want it to stop I just can't figure out what to do. I have been good at hiding it but it is beggining to rear its ugly head to the point that my BF is aware. The other day I freaked out ( not screaming or anything but I completely shut down - no more talking, laughing etc) because he was looking at another girl in his rear view mirror (although he does look at other girls frequently even though he knows it bothers me) It makes me feel weak and clingy and insecure. I don't want to be that. How do I make it go away and turn back into that confident goddess that I was in the beginning?

 

I should say that my BF does not communicate his feeling and express emotion very well (if at all) I don't know if this has any bearing on the situation. What can I do?

 

his lack of expression is making you crazy with jealousy. if you don't feel like you're getting what you want from him, and then he's checking out other girls, yeah, you should feel pissed off. people who want the right amount of love and attention are always labeled weak and clingy, but they're not (always). it's normal to want that. you're not weak or clingy for wanting to feel like you're important.

[precious99]

I know I have to sit him down and talk to him about all of it but I am dreading it. First, what do can I say without coming accross as out of control and jealous? I guess I'm just feeling really vulnerable and I'm afraid to put my heart out there where it can be stomped on. It would be really easy for him to make this seem like my problem and my issue because I kind of believe that too. I know I have to do something it is just progressively getting worse - some days I don't even want to go out in public with him because I know by the end of the trip I will feel like crap. I should to be fair tell you that he says he isn't looking at other girls but like I said earlier I always know when a girl is behind us when we are in the car just by how many times he looks in his mirrors. Am I blowing this out of proportion? I am not a naieve teenager who can blame my stupidity on my youth but I do feel really crazy right now .

[superconductor]

There are two things that you'll never be able to change:

1. The fact that there are other girls around; and,
   
2. The fact that men, by their very nature, are visual creatures.
   

The only thing you can change is your reaction to the situation.

 

I should say that my BF does not communicate his feeling and express emotion very well (if at all)...

As well as being primarily visual creatures, men just don't express emotions in the way that women seem to want them to. This shouldn't be surprising, really, because the moment a man lets his emotional guard down, he's often jumped on and criticized for being a "wuss," a "pussy," "weak" and "not in control."

 

I can personally attest to this; it's happened to me over and over and over again.

 

Same situation applies. You can change your reaction to it, or you can continue to get upset. The choice, as always, is yours.

[blind_otter]

Work on your self confidence and it won't bother you if he (gasp) looks at other women because you already know you're hot sh*t.

 

werks fer me, anyways.

 

men don't express emotion the same way women do because they are hardwired differently, to the point of having differently shaped analogous structures in the brain. Men process information differently than women do. It's just how the world works. Men communicate using different tools. Men respond to different stimuli, emotionally. You know, different horomones and strict socialization to fit the accepted idea of "man" and all that.

 

And Lord, please send a woman to deliver all women from the morass of insecurity and backbiting that we currently exist in. Amen.