Guest Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 I will be honest with you , i am a single 29 year old guy,very shy no friends and at the end of each work day including weekends i stay home i never go out to party. On Monday this girl walked on the train, our eyes met and she smiled at me. her stop was the same as mine, when i looked in the window to see her reflection she smiled at me as i look at her. when she turned to go another way she turned around with a smile and told me to have a nice day. which i responded back. Come Tuesday i actually waited for her, when she saw me she smiled again amd told me to have a nice day. i ended up tellling her i was waiting for her. which she was pretty shocked. so for 2 days i've been seeing her at lunch. but here is my problem, at lunch she is with her co-worker who is older and married, and she is not Single she has a flippin boyfriend. and i hardly say anything because i am shy. Honestly i need some advice. Guys in work are telling me she could be looking for another guy? and a older female friend is telling me i should end it because i am taking it as the wrong idea, which might hurt me. Should i ask her why she smiled like that at me, or should i except her just as a friend (she would be my only female friend). or tell her how i feel even though she has a boyfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
engravefeelthevoid Posted July 26, 2006 Share Posted July 26, 2006 mm well my dear friend..it seems this is a common situation..problem is..it's difficult to go to a discussion involving love relations or something similar without making it sem that ur interrested...still i would advice the following..note that this will not make you her bf or lover, this will break the silence and give way for future development.... first of all you have to go out a few times..if you can't go out with her often, see her in the train station atleast..the main aim is to try to lubricate the situation, next you could start a conversation by the phrase.."so..hows your love and romantic life going?"make it seem normal..as if ur just interrested in knowing.. at this point you will be able to talk more freely to her and all, she might also reveal some thigns u need to know...after a while if she enjoys ur company and findsout she doesnt like her bf..you could invite her to a dinner..or you can be enough with having her as a friend.. Link to post Share on other sites
LexiB Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 I'm a little confused, this is a stranger that you've seen in passing on the train right, so...what feelings do want to tell her about? Unless she's been making some effort to get to know you or going out of her way to be friendly to you, I'd definately refrain from mentioning "how you feel" to her...especially after you told her you'd been waiting for her...might come across as a *little* creepy, but that's just my opinion (out of curiosity, what exactly was her reaction to that? shocked-shocked or shocked-flattered?) I dunno, I'm gonna have to agree with your older coworker and tell you to drop it. Just sounds like harmless flirting to me ~ especially if you've seen her traveling around w/ someone you presume to be her BF. Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
mariJane Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 o GAWD do not ask her why she smiled at you!!!!!!!!!!!!! like that!!!!!!!!!! oh no no no no NO, you could ask her in private though if she is happy with her bf, does your bf treat you right? Link to post Share on other sites
Infinity0530 Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I once started a chat with a girl in the gym, she was very flirtatious, asked ME for my number halfway through the conversation. Randomly enough, we had a mutual friend in common, through which I found out this girl was dating another guy, yet she seemed so clearly interested in me. I tried the whole calling her to go out and get to know each other thing, but there would always be something that came up and she would cancel plans. I eventually just stopped bothering calling her, I realized theres no way I am going to compete with her current boyfriend. Basically, my point is, is that sometimes girls can just be friendly and I think us guys mistake that for being forward and/or looking to date. In my experience, I have rarely found it possible to date a girl and or take her from a current boyfriend, so your co-worker might be on the mark when they said it might be best to drop it! Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Just cause a lady smiles at you and is nice to you doesn't mean that she is interested in you..that way. I am nice to everyone. I am just a friendly person. Next thing I know, I am being pulled aside and asked out by a guy that I thought was just a friend. Makes things awkward from then on, and I find myself not being so nice anymore...for fear of leading him on. So, before you become too bold with her, I would make small talk with her and then say something to her like, "I went to such and such place this weekend, have you ever been there?" Now, whenever a guy starts asking me about my weekend...I start to read in between the lines. At that point, if I don't want to "go there" with him, I will either answer short and sweet, then get quiet and physically back away. If I AM interested, I will answer his question, smiling ear to ear while facing him. Either way, you will have your answer and very little harm was done to your ego. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Honestly i need some advice. sorry but this is out of my scope....I will have to refer you to my junior partner, WESTERNXR Link to post Share on other sites
Sand&Water Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 If you, really, like this girl and perhaps see something romantic budding down the road - then hang out with her. Build a good friendship, and see how that goes. If you and her don't 'click', then at least you would've gained your first female friend. If you jump too quickly and spill your feelings, you may end up hurt. Get to know her slowly (IMO). There are tons of other girls, to pick out. Discover your likes, and dislikes - that means going out and meeting a lot of people. The more you put yourself out there, the more likely you'll find a girl that suits you. Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 I met a girl on a train once. It was about 15 years ago and I was very shy in those days. It was a near empty carriage but this gorgeous brunette came up and sat right next to me so close that her hip was touching mine. I kept glancing at her as she read a magazine (though she never turned the page)but I was too shy to say anything so I concentrated on remembering cricket scores, anything to defuse the situation that was going on in my pants. She got off at the stop before mine but I still wonder if she wanted me to do something (sigh). Anyway, in your situation I would try to make conversation with her and then just say 'if you aren't busy, would you like to go for coffee?' and play it by ear. Good luck, amigo Link to post Share on other sites
Rikka Posted August 8, 2006 Share Posted August 8, 2006 I agree... just because she is friendly/nice doesn't necessarily mean she is interested. But there is no harm in making a new friend at the very least. Casually approach her and talk to her. Get to know her. See where that goes. Link to post Share on other sites
katriel Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 First of all, I tend to agree. This lady has made it clear that she probably isn't interested in getting involved with you as more than friends. First of all, you know that she has a boyfriend, and second of all you mention that she brought a friend/coworker with her when you met for lunch, both of which suggest a platonic interest. Now, that having been said, I think that, if you can put aside any romantic aspirations, you might consider taking that as it is and remaining friends. You mention that you are pretty lonely and don't have any real social outlets right now. If you want to meet people, it's unlikely to happen sitting at home alone every night(online dating aside), and it might not be bad to have a friend that can help you get out of your shell a bit. Plus, if this is the type of woman you like, she probably has friends that are somewhat similar to her, whom you might meet if you remain her friend. Of course, if you are incurably smitten and will continuously try to make something happen with her, it's probably best if you let even your friendship slide. Having been the guy who latched on to a friendship in hopes of its blossoming into something more, I can say that it's no fun and promotes an unhealthy/unrealistic attitude. But if you can accept her as a friend, this could be a great opportunity for you otherwise, good luck, Katriel Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 I thought you said she has a boyfriend ? If so , why are you persuing her ? Link to post Share on other sites
TattooedPrincess Posted August 11, 2006 Share Posted August 11, 2006 I will be honest with you , i am a single 29 year old guy,very shy no friends and at the end of each work day including weekends i stay home i never go out to party. On Monday this girl walked on the train, our eyes met and she smiled at me. her stop was the same as mine, when i looked in the window to see her reflection she smiled at me as i look at her. when she turned to go another way she turned around with a smile and told me to have a nice day. which i responded back. Come Tuesday i actually waited for her, when she saw me she smiled again amd told me to have a nice day. i ended up tellling her i was waiting for her. which she was pretty shocked. so for 2 days i've been seeing her at lunch. but here is my problem, at lunch she is with her co-worker who is older and married, and she is not Single she has a flippin boyfriend. and i hardly say anything because i am shy. Honestly i need some advice. Guys in work are telling me she could be looking for another guy? and a older female friend is telling me i should end it because i am taking it as the wrong idea, which might hurt me. Should i ask her why she smiled like that at me, or should i except her just as a friend (she would be my only female friend). or tell her how i feel even though she has a boyfriend. If she told you she has a boyfriend that is a big sign she isn't interested in you. Smiling is just a friendly jester nothing more. Link to post Share on other sites
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