Sleepless.... Posted October 6, 1999 Share Posted October 6, 1999 I have lived with someone for 3 years. We have a less than perfect relationship - but there is one area that is really troubling me. I wanted to see what you thought.... He posts his profile on the internet to attract other women to email him. He answers profiles of other women on the net - and emails with them. I know for a fact he is doing this (don't ask) and when I try to talk to him about it - he either explodes and yells and screams so that he can leave the room without discussing it - or he denies it. The other day he told me that he wasn't "doing that anymore" but that even if he was it would be none of my business. I feel like this is a form of cheating - and the lies - that doesn't do much for me either to say the least. And, to say it is none of my business - that was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Just wanted to see what you thought - have I lost my ever loving mind??? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Totally Confused Posted October 6, 1999 Share Posted October 6, 1999 I have lived with someone for 3 years. We have a less than perfect relationship - but there is one area that is really troubling me. I wanted to see what you thought.... He posts his profile on the internet to attract other women to email him. He answers profiles of other women on the net - and emails with them. I know for a fact he is doing this (don't ask) and when I try to talk to him about it - he either explodes and yells and screams so that he can leave the room without discussing it - or he denies it. The other day he told me that he wasn't "doing that anymore" but that even if he was it would be none of my business. I feel like this is a form of cheating - and the lies - that doesn't do much for me either to say the least. And, to say it is none of my business - that was the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. Just wanted to see what you thought - have I lost my ever loving mind??? Thanks! No you haven't lost your mind. He has, but you haven't. He is cheating. That is a form of cheating. He doesn't need to be talking on the phone or on the net with anyone, when he's got a woman at home. You only look elsewhere, when you don't know if you're happy in the relationship you're in. It also could just be his form of escape. Maybe he's so comfortable in the relationship, that by talking to these other women online is his way of venting and feeling attractive. The only problem is that kind of behavior of needing to feel alive, comes after being married for 10 yrs and feeling old. The thing is, something is not right in the relationship. Yes, he's lying to you, because he doesn't want to stop meeting other women online, but why is the reason that you've got to find out, if you want to salvage what you have. Asking him isn't going to get him to talk to you about it. Men only talk when they want to talk, unfortunately. That's why women have a hard time getting straight answers, which drive us crazy. And the only reason he explodes and screams at you is because he's guilty and you've become the nagging mother. What i suggest you do is to start making it about you and not him. that's the only way you're going to get anything from him on his own. I would sit him down, and instead of asking him if he's online with other women say, "i don't know how i feel about this relationship anymore. i'm starting to feel restless and i feel like maybe i need to see what else is out there." he will go into panic mode. Don't make it about him, because you'll put ideas in his head. when a woman acusses a man of doing something, like, do you like that girl. they probably never thought about it until you said something, so they thing to themselves, that's not a bad idea, maybe i do like that girl. men don't know what they want, you have to tell them what they want. that's why you have to make it all about you and then they begin to get worried. Then they start thinking, oh my god, she wants to see other men, i don't think i like this. then they start to think all about what you're doing. Your guy is probably so comfortable and knows you're so in love with him, you would never look elsewhere. he's bored. give the man a challenge. men are hunters by nature, so stop taking away his job and let him hunt and chase you for a while. men are really very simple creatures. we try to over-analyze them, but we tend to think they think more than they really do. Anyway, good luck and I hope everything works out. Let me know what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
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