I'm unsure if I am interested

[abc973]

Relationships mean a lot to me, and due to my shy nature, are also difficult to develop. Only recently did I form a friendship with an incredibly nice girl, and during that period I believe she had a crush for me. Since then we continue to very subtly flirt (perhaps she believes I'm "playing"), however there is no tension or discomfort between us.

 

What sparked my interest in her; she was having an argument with another person in my class about movies and music, and she spoke with such a passion that I could identify with and it stirred me, because not so long ago I used to feel the same way. I understood her, albiet briefly, and since then I have discovered that we do actually have quite a lot in common (bordering on the side of "freaky"). I really look forward to times when I can see her, and she's more than often in my thoughts when I cannot.

 

I'm concerned that the feelings I feel for this girl are not of a "true" nature so-to-speak. How can I differentiate a natural interest from obsession, infatuation, limerence etcetera? Whether I'm going to sacrifice the friendship I've formed with her is not for discussion, I'll settle that myself. I'm hoping for your input to aid me in recognising if I actually have a healthy interest in her or not.

[magichands]

I'm hoping for your input to aid me in recognising if I actually have a healthy interest in her or not.

If you have to ask that question, then you are obsessed.

 

But seriously - you don't even know if she is interested, yet.

[dgiirl]

If you are wondering if you are infatuated with her or not, i believe ALL relationships start in infatuation. Only in time does a real healthy relationship develop.

[abc973]

I should add that I've only been in 1 relationship previously, so my knowledge about these emotions is limited, as is my experience.

[Outcast]

They all depend on the extent to which she occupies your thoughts and what sorts of thoughts you have. If you think you can't live without her, start stalking her because you're jealous, and think about her every second of the day, it's obsession. Tone it down about a half and take out the stalking and 'can't live without' and it's infatuation. Limerence shares characteristics with both but isn't either.

 

Think of the wrong kind of 'love' as similar to an addiction; it's not healthy for either of you, not about truly wanting happiness for the beloved - more about I MUST HAVE. Then you know it's not good.

[abc973]

Thankyou, everyone, for replying. I understand threads don't live long in these forumns and that's okay. I would not have started this thread if I believed your replies would not be of any value.

 

Certainly, if anyone has any input they would like to give - feel free.

[TJettman]

How are you thinking about her? Do you think about how her smile has a slight angle, how her perfume makes your mood lighten everytime you're around her? Or are you just thinking about sex? I think if you think about the small details, something that alot of people including her don't notice, there might be some love there.

[abc973]

My thoughts are basically comprised of the times we spend together, her smile, how she feels and smells when I hug her goodbye, her tremendous understanding and non-judgemental character, etcetera. Cliche right? I could go on forever. I can say confidently that the only sexual thoughts I have had are my imagining kissing her; and honestly I don't believe many people would consider her attractive (I do, by the way). She does seem sad too - a very minor depreciation of self-worth concerning her relationships in general - she gives herself less credit than she's due.

[TJettman]

Man, all that sounds so familiar. We sound alot alike. I've gotten myself in the same kinda situation right now with my "friend". Don't know what to call the feelings I've got but I think of alot of the same things. She tends to be self depricating alot as well. I think personally it is a healthy interest as long as you are not disrupting her life.