When They Come back

[xxrubyredxx]

Hi Guest and thanks for sharing your story.

 

I dare bet that when your ex showed up, you will have gone through the motions like I did. First, shock, then an overwhelming excitement at hearing from him, replaced by the wondering why he'd decided to show up again and after years had passed, what was behind his motive. My head was literally all over the place when my ex showed up. I was having all of these thoughts, feelings and emotions and all at once, wondering as to whether I should go off and meet him or not. I was a wreck to be honest.

If he'd shown up 30 years later as your ex did, my flabber would have been totally ghasted.....that is a LONG time!!

 

Can I ask a few questions? How long did your relationship last? Did you move away with your parents? If you and he knew that you were meant to be together, why didn't you keep up any kind of contact?

 

I understand where you are coming from when you mention that you were left with a hole within yourself and that you searched for what you had with him, yet you never found it, because I too was left with this empty feeling, like something was missing from my life and I've also never ever found, what I had with my ex either. I was at my happiest with my ex, they were the happiest days of my life and I felt alive when we were together. I too had other boyfriends, went on to get married, but I never found those feelings again and I don't feel that I've ever been as happy again since we finally split either. None ever compared to him and I doubt that none ever weill. Sometimes I wonder if that's why I ended up a divorcee, my heart lay elsewhere and I couldn't give my all to my ex husband. I tried, I really did, but it was 10 years of living a lie! My ex H walked out on me. He found what he was searching for, with another woman.

 

But anyway, I decided against going to see my ex, he was married!! It was hard because I wanted to see him, but I knew that it wouldn't work and I knew that he'd never, ever leave his wife....he has far too much to lose also these days. It's funny but when you mention that your ex says he is unhappily married, this was the line I was expecting to hear from my ex, but I didn't. This is the line that they normally give, when looking for an affair, that they are unhappy at home! But my ex never once mentioned that he was unhappily married.

 

How did he manage to track you down again? How long was it after you and he got in touch, that you finally set off to meet him and did he tell you that he was married and unhappily, before you two reunited?

 

I'd guard your heart closely here, as I did. He mentions that he's wanted to leave his marriage for 26 years, why didn't he then? If he found you so easily after all of these years, then why wasn't it so easy for him to find you all of those years ago, if he's missed you, if he wanted to be with you, if he knew that you were the one? These are questions I'd definitley be asking myself and I'd tread careful.

[Ukwizard]

Guest, that is a hell of a story. Almost a 30 year wait. Thats why its important to find somone else, in case it takes that long, or if..........they don`t come back at all!

[sandilynn]

Has anyone ever noticed that the ex always seems to come back when you are finally over them or have found someone else?

Can I hear more stories or confirmations on this?

 

I don't know why ex's seem to re-enter our lives just when we meet someone new and/or when you finally get to a point that you can *move on*. But, both has happened to me as well.

 

Re-entered soon after meeting someone new:

An ex from an off/on 9 yr relationship, called me a few months ago, just as things were starting to get serious with my new BF. The ex was boasing about the house he just bought, telling me about his current GF and how he'd bought a ring for her (he claims it's just a ring, not an engagement ring, yeah right!) ... he wanted to see me again ... after being apart with NC for 16 months! For the first time ever, I did not take him back, like I have in the past. I was so over him. He got the shock of his life, that I refused to go see him. My thoughts durring this conversation were: "How come he would never buy a house when I wanted him to?", "If he is so happy with his current GF, why is he calling me and boasting about how great life is for him?", "This is the same ol' bull**** he's said to me before about *he's a new man* *he's changed for the better* claims". It was really pathetic to hear him say in one breath how happy he is with his current GF, yet in the next breath ask me to come see him! Why he was doing this, who cares? His reasons no longer matter, the fact that everytime I gave us another chance, he always went back to being the same *******!

 

Re-entered just when I got to the place of *over him/moving on*:

Now, my new BF I have broken up with, about 5 weeks ago. The only contact I initiated with him, were a few letters telling him that I did not want to continue seeing him *as friends only* and lots of other emotional hurts he made me suffer. He hasn't read any of them, to date! Also, I went to one of *our spots* 3 weeks after I told him to *stay gone*, not knowing if he'd be there. He was there and told me he'd been coming there everyday since I told him to stay away, hoping I'd come. I had brought with me, things of his that I wanted to return to him. We visited and he asked me to meet with him the next day, I said I would, but stood him up. Then, a week later, I had to go to my work to talk about my schedule. Since he lives a few blocks from my work, I did go to see him, to tell him why I stood him up. It hurt too much though, once I saw him, that I never did tell him why. I just enjoyed spending time with him. He again asked me to meet with him the next day, I said yes, but stood him up again. A week later (a few days ago - Tuesday this week) he shows up at my door to ask me to go on a bike ride with him. I did and we had a great time. I never could bring up *our relationship* though. Six hours later, when he decided to go home, he asks me to meet him the next day. I said yes, or I may not come till Thursday (today)... I did go on Wednesday, but 2 hours late! He was gone. I did not go today. Yes, I want to get back with him. But, he needs to feel and realize he made a mistake when he called off our engagement and wanted to be *just friends*. So, I am giving him *life without me*, for that realization to happen within himself. He's got to be the one who asks for me to come back. Or be the one to bring up *our relationship* and tell me he's made a mistake, etc. Will my strategy work, is my question. I should point out, too, that I had written him off, as never getting back with me. So, when he showed up at my door a few days ago, it was something of a shock to me. As he said he would never come knocking on my door again. But, he did. I put a post about this in *Second Chances* and would welcome feed back from others about this situation. So, if anybody here would like to make a comment on my situation, please go to my thread to post them.

 

Take Care,

Sandi

[sandilynn]

Has anyone ever noticed that the ex always seems to come back when you are finally over them or have found someone else?

Can I hear more stories or confirmations on this?

 

I don't know why ex's seem to re-enter our lives just when we meet someone new and/or when you finally get to a point that you can *move on*. But, both has happened to me as well.

 

Re-entered soon after meeting someone new:

An ex from an off/on 9 yr relationship, called me a few months ago, just as things were starting to get serious with my new BF. The ex was boasing about the house he just bought, telling me about his current GF and how he'd bought a ring for her (he claims it's just a ring, not an engagement ring, yeah right!) ... he wanted to see me again ... after being apart with NC for 16 months! For the first time ever, I did not take him back, like I have in the past. I was so over him. He got the shock of his life, that I refused to go see him. My thoughts durring this conversation were: "How come he would never buy a house when I wanted him to?", "If he is so happy with his current GF, why is he calling me and boasting about how great life is for him?", "This is the same ol' bull**** he's said to me before about *he's a new man* *he's changed for the better* claims". It was really pathetic to hear him say in one breath how happy he is with his current GF, yet in the next breath ask me to come see him! Why he was doing this, who cares? His reasons no longer matter, the fact that everytime I gave us another chance, he always went back to being the same *******!

 

Re-entered just when I got to the place of *over him/moving on*:

Now, my new BF I have broken up with, about 5 weeks ago. The only contact I initiated with him, were a few letters telling him that I did not want to continue seeing him *as friends only* and lots of other emotional hurts he made me suffer. He hasn't read any of them, to date! Also, I went to one of *our spots* 3 weeks after I told him to *stay gone*, not knowing if he'd be there. He was there and told me he'd been coming there everyday since I told him to stay away, hoping I'd come. I had brought with me, things of his that I wanted to return to him. We visited and he asked me to meet with him the next day, I said I would, but stood him up. Then, a week later, I had to go to my work to talk about my schedule. Since he lives a few blocks from my work, I did go to see him, to tell him why I stood him up. It hurt too much though, once I saw him, that I never did tell him why. I just enjoyed spending time with him. He again asked me to meet with him the next day, I said yes, but stood him up again. A week later (a few days ago - Tuesday this week) he shows up at my door to ask me to go on a bike ride with him. I did and we had a great time. I never could bring up *our relationship* though. Six hours later, when he decided to go home, he asks me to meet him the next day. I said yes, or I may not come till Thursday (today)... I did go on Wednesday, but 2 hours late! He was gone. I did not go today. Yes, I want to get back with him. But, he needs to feel and realize he made a mistake when he called off our engagement and wanted to be *just friends*. So, I am giving him *life without me*, for that realization to happen within himself. He's got to be the one who asks for me to come back. Or be the one to bring up *our relationship* and tell me he's made a mistake, etc. Will my strategy work, is my question. I should point out, too, that I had written him off, as never getting back with me. So, when he showed up at my door a few days ago, it was something of a shock to me. As he said he would never come knocking on my door again. But, he did. I put a post about this in *Second Chances* and would welcome feed back from others about this situation. So, if anybody here would like to make a comment on my situation, please go to my thread to post them.

 

Take Care,

Sandi

[briarmoss]

I'm not over my ex one bit but I think she came back recently after a few months because I looked like I was and I was having a great time.

 

She isn't saying she wants to get back together, nor is she saying she doesn't, but there is this huge undercurrent of emotion going on under this superficial veneer of "friends". We'll see what happens.

 

unless we share the same x partner (im joking) there seems to be a hell of a lot of this, I adore and still love my x and we are friends, we have started doing the things we should of done when we were a cple but, as u say under this veneer of friends still, there is that under-current of emotion, but no more, i guess and hope that its very much about attempting to re-establish trust and realisation.