What do I do now

[cantshakethelove]

I am completely stuck in a jam now.... I just do not know what the right thing to do is. As I have stated before my ex has said she would like to get back with me but she does not know if she is ready. She tells me she loves me and she says she doesnt plan to date anybody and I also say the same thing. Basically, we have committed to each other without a title... We have slept with eachother once since we have been in contact with eachother. We have seen eachother everyday thus far and talk on the phone everyday.

 

I am afraid of getting hurt again and I do not want to prolongue what we have now only to later end up hurt and depressed etc.

 

I need advice before I go insane. My stability is pretty weak with her right now and I am afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing something wrong. I do not want to screw anything up between us. I love her so much but I feel like I am just her puppet. I want to take the reigns and have control over this relationship. What do I do?

[MrPot]

The answer is obvious, if you have the strength for it.

 

Obviously you want more than she does, and for some reason you can't be happy with a fun, intimate relationship without a title.

 

Clearly, you have higher interest in her than she does in you. Clearly to me, part of the reason is because she knows that you're in love with her. You're not a challenge. You're being a spineless, wimpy, groveling man, and that's not an attractive man.

 

You need to show her that you have your own thing going on and that you don't need her to be happy.

 

The simple and obvious answer is to become a challenge. Make her work for you. Be busy; make plans away from her. Don't be at her beck and call. At least appear as though you're only mildly interested in her.

[Guest]

I am completely stuck in a jam now.... I just do not know what the right thing to do is. As I have stated before my ex has said she would like to get back with me but she does not know if she is ready. She tells me she loves me and she says she doesnt plan to date anybody and I also say the same thing. Basically, we have committed to each other without a title... We have slept with eachother once since we have been in contact with eachother. We have seen eachother everyday thus far and talk on the phone everyday.

 

I am afraid of getting hurt again and I do not want to prolongue what we have now only to later end up hurt and depressed etc.

 

I need advice before I go insane. My stability is pretty weak with her right now and I am afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing something wrong. I do not want to screw anything up between us. I love her so much but I feel like I am just her puppet. I want to take the reigns and have control over this relationship. What do I do?

 

Just relax and hang out. You are causing pressure where there isn't any. What's the hurry? Why does it need to happen now? Slow and steady win the race. Don't be in a hurry to end up broken up again. Show her you are patient and that she is worth the wait.

[Sun_Conure]

Well, at least you are spending a lot of time with your ex! I think you should be happy for a while with what she gives you. Set yourself a time limit for waiting, like 2 or 3 months. If things do not get better, just leave her telling that you are not satisfied with what you have. Do not mention the word "relationship" though, it should be her idea. This is supposed to work if she is really interested. Otherwise, you do not want to waste even more time.

 

So that you feel better I will tell you want I have. My ex bf constistently and persistenly pursued me for like 5 months after the break up. He asked me whether I wanted to be with him, whether I wanted to be his gf. He told me that he wanted committment (we broke up because I said I could not commit), marriage, babies within a year or so (those were his ideas). Then, when I said it was ok and I was interested, he offered to have "sex for now, then something more." I agreed to that arrangement. However, during the last three weeks we met 3 times and he called me only when he wanted to have sex. He never contacted me for any other reason and never agreed or offered to meet without sex being involved. Finally, I ended it! This was definitely not what I thought would happen. Thus, my point is it seems you are in a pretty good situation, and she is really interested in getting back together. So stop pressuring her for a while, wait and see what happens.

 

Good luck!