Am I a problem drinker?

[milvushina]

Here is my story... I really, really like to get drunk. For about 6 years I drank pretty heavily every night with friends and the guy I used to be with.

A year and a half ago I moved in with my current husband and he does not drink, so after a few months I started to cut back. I would say now that I normally go three or four days without drinking at all, but I always have problems sleeping.

 

And when I do start, it often goes on every night for days until I end up feeling pretty sick. I guess it is kind of like a binge. We can't buy whiskey or wine to cook with, because I'll drink it all. And I can't ever seem to have just one or two drinks. If I drink at all, it's like a constant stressful battle to stop before I'm totallly ****faced.

 

The thing is, I don't know if I have a problem because, I don't get in trouble at work, drive drunk, or make people mad. The worst that happens is that I do have some arguments with my husband, because he doesn't like it when I get belligerantly drunk and pass out early or can't remember things because I was drunk.

I talked to my doctor about stopping, and he gave me antabuse. It makes you sick if you drink. Only I don't know if I'm an "alcoholic", because alcohol withdrawals are really bad, and the worst I have had is insomnia and nervousness. I don't get shakes or hallucinations or anything. In a way, I feel lame because I know people who have such worse drug problems. Even my husband is skeptical about whether it is necessary; he says just drink less! But once that ball starts rolling it's hard to stop, and I think about having a drink almost constantly.

 

I want objective opinions from people who have experience being around problem drinkers. Am I over reacting? Being dramatic, making up a problem I don't really have?

I don't know, it is very confusing.

[amaysngrace]

I would search engine 'functioning alcoholic' or 'normal alcholic' and see if that doesn't ring a bell.

[Chinook]

I'd say that you're probably not an alcoholic... but there is a very real danger that you may become one. My father was an alcoholic and he drank every single day. Each alcoholic is different. The issue isn't really how much, it's the dependency upon it. This is why I say there is a danger for you because you say that every 3-4 days you get nervous without drinking. You think about it all the time and it's somewhere you seem to escape to. I had a friend once who did exactly the same thing, He continued to hold down his job as a nurse and he continued taking relatively good care of his family. But over time his tolerance and dependency grew and he needed more and more to satisfy the need to drink and be drunk. I don't think your Doctor's solution is particularly helpful. Detox programmes usually consist of counselling too in order that the person can address any underlying issues.

[norajane]

It doesn't have to affect your work for you to be an alcoholic. Your relationship is already suffering...you just haven't hit bottom yet.

 

You have many of the symptoms - you can't stop with just one or two, you can't keep alcohol in the house without drinking it, you drink til you pass out, you can't stop til you're sick, you can't stop thinking about alcohol. IT controls you; you are not in control of your drinking.

[milvushina]

Unfortunately I guess that's pretty true, but I feel awfully guilty about it. I felt the same way when I went to therapy for anxiety and depression. I don't have the right to have psychological problems; I had a good childhood etc.

 

And I feel stupid, like a poser (dumb but I can't think of a better term) when I complain about drinking problems because I know of so many people with real addictions like speed and such .. isn't that kind of weird?

[Chinook]

It doesn't have to affect your work for you to be an alcoholic. Your relationship is already suffering...you just haven't hit bottom yet.

 

You have many of the symptoms - you can't stop with just one or two, you can't keep alcohol in the house without drinking it, you drink til you pass out, you can't stop til you're sick, you can't stop thinking about alcohol. IT controls you; you are not in control of your drinking.

 

I agree with this.

 

But that said, I also went through a period after my chemo treatment finished and my relationship ended when I did these things too. Now, I don't drink at all. I can buy alcohol and have it in the house and not drink at all. I can go out with friends and drink one or two and not drink any further. I don't think these things necessarily make someone an alcoholic.

 

I think it depends whether there is an underlying problem. For myself I was diagnosed with clinical depression and treated. Following that and counselling, I resolved (mainly) the issues which plagued me. Well, no I didn't resolve them because fear of cancer returning can't be resolved but... I learned to deal with the issues I had differently and so didn't feel dependent upon running away and escaping.

[The slayer]

I agree with what Chinook says here.

 

I'd add that I imagine you would probably gain a much better sense of physical wellbeing if you managed to stop drinking, which from what you say you would probably find easier than cutting down.

[amaysngrace]

I felt the same way when I went to therapy for anxiety and depression. I don't have the right to have psychological problems; I had a good childhood etc.

 

And I feel stupid, like a poser (dumb but I can't think of a better term) when I complain about drinking problems because I know of so many people with real addictions like speed and such .. isn't that kind of weird?

 

I think it's weird that you use a comparison to other people to identify yourself. You are you. An individual. And someone completely unlike any other person.

 

The comparisons seem to be doing you more harm than good. I think you really need to recognize your own importance. It seems like you have been put on the back burner quite often, being made to believe somehow your feelings or actions don't matter as much as others.

 

Could it be that selfish persons in your life are making you believe this about yourself? So the focus is brought back to them?

[The slayer]

Unfortunately I guess that's pretty true, but I feel awfully guilty about it. I felt the same way when I went to therapy for anxiety and depression. I don't have the right to have psychological problems; I had a good childhood etc.

 

And I feel stupid, like a poser (dumb but I can't think of a better term) when I complain about drinking problems because I know of so many people with real addictions like speed and such .. isn't that kind of weird?

 

Maybe it's a sign that you don't value yourself enough?

 

From what you say you definately do have a problem and you are right to question it. The fact that you are able to and aren't denying you have a problem is probably what separates you from he people you know with major addictions.

 

Don't feel stupid or a poser but proud of yourself for having the courage to recognise and face up to a problem before it's too late.

 

Go on do something about it...You're worth it!

[norajane]

Unfortunately I guess that's pretty true, but I feel awfully guilty about it. I felt the same way when I went to therapy for anxiety and depression. I don't have the right to have psychological problems; I had a good childhood etc.

 

And I feel stupid, like a poser (dumb but I can't think of a better term) when I complain about drinking problems because I know of so many people with real addictions like speed and such .. isn't that kind of weird?

 

There is nothing 'unreal' about an alcohol addiction. It's a serious illness. In your case, whether you want to think of it as alcoholism or not, you have a problem because you are unable to stop until you make yourself sick. It will eventually take a huge toll on your health, and it's already taken a toll on your mental health.

 

It can't hurt to get some therapy, and you have as much right to seek help as anyone else does regardless of your childhood.

[The slayer]

ps. guilt is just a damaging and pointless emotion, everyone has the right to find things difficult at times, life is hard and parents really aren't to blame for everything

[amaysngrace]

Nora Jane and Slayer...word, word and word.

[tinktronik]

Medically , you are not an alcoholic unless you have been diagnosed as one . However , if you become beligerantly drunk , why continie to drink at all? I see you are quitting that is a good step. good luck!

[Outcast]

I'm astonished at how many people are reluctant to say that this is indeed the behaviour of an alcoholic. Surely that many LSers aren't drinking that much themselves???

 

I normally go three or four days without drinking at all

 

You don't have to drink every day to be considered an alcoholic. At all. Alcoholics are also binge drinkers - going months without and then drinking themselves stupid for a while. Alcoholics are those who can function at work but are into the booze from the moment they get home until they hit the sack. There's a lot of different sorts of alcoholics.

And when I do start, it often goes on every night for days until I end up feeling pretty sick. I guess it is kind of like a binge.

 

This is not normal or healthy drinking.

We can't buy whiskey or wine to cook with, because I'll drink it all.

 

Again, not normal or healthy.

 

And I can't ever seem to have just one or two drinks. If I drink at all, it's like a constant stressful battle to stop before I'm totallly ****faced.

 

And this most especially. The inability to control the desire to the point that if alcohol is in the house, it vanishes and you can't just have a couple drinks are serious warning signs. And you're probably fooling yourself by telling yourself it doesn't affect anyone. Of course it does.

 

You need to stop now. Women's bodies metabolize booze much worse than men's do - they get a LOT more damage to their organs a LOT sooner. Save your life, admit that you do have an addiction (doesn't matter to what), and get help before it's too late.

[Guest]

if you are questioning it i would say that you have a problem. just asking this post- you dont have to say what it is but i bet an underlying issue is here that you arent sharing, you have prob cuz you asking for help right now, even if it is advice your asking, you are questioning yourself for a reason.

[blind_otter]

If you cannot control your use of the substance, you are an addict. This is true of any drug, behavior, or substance. Insomnia and anxiety are symptoms of alcohol withdrawal. Not every alcoholic gets DTs when they quit drinking.

 

Yes, this is the behavior of an alcoholic. Yes, I would recomment that you seek help in stopping since you seem powerless to stop on your own. Never compare your struggles with those of other addicts. You are not them, they are not you, and their struggle is not important to your path.

[milvushina]

Thank you so much for all the responses. Several people suggested I have an underlying issue, I don't know if that is true or not, but, I guess I probably will talk to a therapist about depression and anxiety as well as quit drinking. I've asked my husband to help me because in the past if I had been "good" and didn't drink for several days, he would reward me by taking me out to the bar, buying a bottle of whiskey etc. Haha sounds bad but keep in mind like a lot of people he says, "just cut back," and that doesn't work so good for me.

 

I just told him I felt like I needed to completely stop for a while and he said he will help.

But seriously thanks for all your responses because I wanted to hear something objective and it's not something I really want to discuss with people in real life.

[Outcast]

Good luck in your struggle to deal with this! Actually if you've been depressed and anxious, you could have been 'self-medicating' with alcohol. A lot of people with ailments like that fear taking meds from doctors but drink instead - the drinking's much worse for you as a rule!

 

I wish you the best! And get your therapist to talk to your H and tell the goof not to 'reward' you with booze!!!

[Guest]

Alcoholism is described as an obsession followed by a physical compulsion. The obsession calls for the first drink and the first drink sets off the compulsion that calls for another and another and another. Alcohol withdrawals can take years to show up. Insomnia and nervousness are among the first that I personally experienced. Then came the nausea in the mornings, and the shakes, and headaches, and every other nasty thing that comes along with it.

 

The only person who can tell you whether or not you are an alcoholic is yourself. It's self diagnosed. I would suggest checking out a few AA meetings and seeing if you identify with people there. Generally speaking, the difference between a problem drinker and an alcoholic is that given sufficient reason (i.e. loss of job, trouble at home, etc.) a problem drinker can stop where a true alcoholic may not be able to. If these things have not happened to you, that does not mean that you are not alcoholic. It means that they have not happened to you.

 

Alcoholism IS a real addiction, just like speed, cocaine, heroin, etc. And incidentally, withdrawal from alcohol is one of the most dangerous withdrawals there is. It is the only withdrawal that can actually kill you (seizures) where other withdrawals will make you sick enough to wish you were dead. Once you begin to question whether or not you may have a problem, chances are good that you have one. Social drinkers do not question whether their drinking is normal. It's definitely possible to go through a tough time in life and turn to alcohol as a means of escape. This is alcohol abuse. Difference between alcohol abuse and alcoholism - once the tough time has passed, the drinking subsides as well.

 

I wish you luck, I'd check out some meetings if I were you. It won't hurt you to go and listen and see if you identify. If you feel that you do have a problem, you might spare yourself some of the things that typically happen to alcoholics who do not stop drinking. Good luck!

[scarlyjones]

If I HAD to give my opinion,...I'd say yes,..you are an alcoholic. Normal drinkers dont think its "pretty good" to go four days without drinking. Normal drinkers dont even drink every four days.....or every week. I find it very hard to believe you even need an answer after saying that you cannot purchase wine or sherri or anything alcoholic to cook with because you will drink it. I mean,...geez...theres your answer right there!!

 

And as far as you not being an alcoholic because you havent lost your job, pissed anyone off, lost any friends, got a drunk driving, lost license, got into an accident,....just because none of these things havent happened, doesnt mean your arent an alcoholic. I didnt ever lose my job due to drinking,......until I did. I didnt ever piss anyone off due to my drinking,...until I did. I didnt ever get pulled over and tossed in jail for drunk driving,...until I did.

 

Those things you say you havent had happen,...are what we in recovery call "Yets". They havent happened "yet". They will. You will become an embarrassment to you husband. You will lose your job because you stink of booze,...or call in sick too much,...or you will drink on the job or at lunch breaks. And dont say "Oh God,..Id never do that" Because I said that too,.......until I did. You sound like you have a VERRRRY big alcohol problem. People who dont have a drinking problem,...do not Google "Alcoholism". Or go onto a Recovery website or forum. They just dont.

[jsouthern]

It doesn't have to affect your work for you to be an alcoholic. Your relationship is already suffering...you just haven't hit bottom yet.

 

Wonderfully said. You don't think it's a problem because it hasn't adversley affected your life yet.

 

Keep at it though, and it will.

[milvushina]

Actually if you've been depressed and anxious, you could have been 'self-medicating' with alcohol. A lot of people with ailments like that fear taking meds from doctors but drink instead - the drinking's much worse for you as a rule!

 

This is actually pretty true. I had almost completely forgotten starting about 8 years ago I had a chronic problem with grinding/clenching my teeth at night, and night time anxiety (panic attacks in my sleep). I think more than the alcohol, I was addicted to passing out dead drunk and actually sleeping through the night.

I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who was nice enough to post their opinions for me. Personally I think the antabuse helped me, it was very nice to have the option to drink totally taken away for a few weeks. Now it's been, I'm not sure I think about a month, and I do feel better, I think that the drinking was making me more depressed than I realized, and I also think that it might have been contributing to the heartburn I've had problems with for years?? Anyway I have to say I love getting drunk, I would probably be happier if I was still at least getting a buzz before bedtime but I think that will pass and I'll be glad for the benefits (I do feel more alert, now that the insomnia has finally started to go away I think I am getting more restful sleep. Also my memory is definitely better haha).

 

But seriously I'd say antabuse might be something to consider- I notice there's a lot of posts here about alcohol problems, mostly a lot worse than mine. I can't afford a therapist and I'm not going to an AA meeting because I'm an atheist. The antabuse helped me get used to be around alcohol without attacking it.

[Guest]

Alcoholism is now a collective term used to describe a number of different (and usually complicated) personal issues with a common symptom of drinking more than is good for you. A simple way to think of it is, if drinking causes you problems, then it's an "alcohol problem".

 

I was not physically addicted to alcohol, or a raving drunk, but I drank too damn much for years. The habit started after my divorce as a coping mechanism and never went away completely. I didn't make myself sick, get a DUI, or miss work, but I did gain a lot of weight, made poor life choices, and kind of put my life on hold. I wasted most of my free time getting buzzed instead of pursuing productive interests. It took getting in minor trouble once to wake me up, and I fell back into the habit a couple times when life got stressful.

 

I still drink, but now I do so responsibly. It's also no longer my main hobby. The effect was that I started making better life choices. I have now furthered my career and started a new family. Something I should have done years ago, but substituted booze for. You'll be amazed how much alcohol you used to buy, once you're away from the 3-4 times a week habit.

[Paysh]

I didn't read any replies, so I apologize if I echo anything previously written.

 

You sound like me.

 

I started off in high school getting pissed up with my buddies, we'd constantly up the amounts of booze to see how gooned we would get. I have an extremely high tolerance for alcohol, so that was always "cool" in school.

 

Fast forward 10 years and it ain't so cool.

 

It's caused me problems in my work, my marriage, and my health. I'm exactly like you describe too. I hate the fact that I can't have just one drink. I feel weak. I tried to "conquer" it by slowly starting to drink just socially, but that didn't work......one drink always turned into thirty.

 

It's been two months since my last drink and I feel the best I have in years, even though I'm going through some ****ty things right now.

 

IMO, AA was so depressing I felt like having a drink immediately afterwards. But there were many people there who benefitted greatly from it.

 

Give yourself a dry-out period. Say a month, or even a couple of weeks. If you're like me, you might need a major wake-up call to make the change, but trust me, you'll feel way better after giving your body a bit of a break.

[Roo]

It sounds to me like you manage your anxiety by self-medicating with Alcohol...

 

not all alcoholics go thru withdrawls many of them spend many hours of the day sober, my mother has for YEARS AND YEARS just as you been a functioning alcoholic and did not suffer withdrawls when she gave it up. Similar to you she didn't seem to NEED to have it but once she started she couldn't stop.

 

Seek help for both the anxiety and the alcohol.