scarletletter Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 If finally happened...she caught us. What a freakin' mess! We were at a hotel between his town and my town...20 min drive for both of us. While we were there, the phone rang...which was strange because no one knew we were there. Of course, we didn't answer it. Later, when we left I went to my car, he went to his. She pulled in front of him and blocked him in..screaming at him. She must have followed him there or someone else saw him...we are not sure. He told her.."so now you know..get out of my way so I can leave." He left and I was pulling out at the same time. She blocked me in and screamed..."that is my husband, you are caught!!" I nearly died. I never said a word, just drove on. She turned around and tried to follow me but I lost her. It was a horrifying experience and I knew sooner or later something like this would happen. He tells me today that he is somewhat relieved and that he is waiting for her to file the papers. I feel so terribal. Why didn't I feel terribal BEFORE we got caught. I am beating myself up now...well deserved. We have been so damn careful...this is nuts. He is actually glad he got caught but is devastated that his kids will have to endure divorce. What a damn nightmare for everyone involved. She doesn't love him, but NEEDS him. Very strange situation. I'll keep you posted. Link to post Share on other sites
stillhere Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Everyone gets caught eventually, if it goes on long enough. I'm worried as well, haven't been caught yet.........i'm dreading the day it happens. So many hearts will be broken. I hate that scared feeling, believe me, i know what you were feeling when you seen her pull up. That helpless, "hide me under a rock now" feeling. I hope it all goes well. Be ready for some extremely rocky roads ahead. Is he planning on staying with you? Link to post Share on other sites
BareGoddess Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Can I ask you something? How can you possibly know that she doesn't love him but only NEEDS him, as you say? Have you ever spoken to her? Or are you just going by what your MM tells you? I bet they go for marriage counseling now and work it out. Be prepared to have him disappear from your life. How sad for everyone involved. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Oh my goodness! That's like a nightmare... I am surprised she went to such lengths to follow him there and wait.... She must have been tipped off and waiting for him to meet you.... Good luck to you - if I were you - I would lay low for a bit of time until things settle down a bit... Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Can I ask you something? How can you possibly know that she doesn't love him but only NEEDS him, as you say? Have you ever spoken to her? Or are you just going by what your MM tells you? I bet they go for marriage counseling now and work it out. Be prepared to have him disappear from your life. How sad for everyone involved. Actually, she told a mutual contact of ours that the love was gone from their marriage and that they are really like room mates raising thier children. I would never go by what he tells me..I don't think. Anyway, they have already been to counseling and he will not go again. He stopped going the last time because it was not working. If he disappears from my life...I am prepared. If he doesn't...I am prepared. I am laying low right now and we are commnicating by phone while we are at work. I never really wanted her to find out because of the love he has for the kids. He is taking full responsibility for his actions and says that he is ready to move on and get it over with. I think it has been a long time coming but he didn't really want to move away from the kids. He told me today that he thought the kids would be fine and he is ready for this. We shall see. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 OMG, this is my nightmare! The W is very suspicious and we are so very cautious, but this is my fear too. That someday when we are together she is going to pull up behind us, I think I would just die right there on the spot. I can not imagine what he would do or say to either one of us. We believe someone has tipped her off, but don't know who or where we have been seen together. If I could walk away from this relationship, I would, but I love him, I have tried NC, we got to six weeks and I gave in. I am so torn, we both are torn, because neither one of us wants the other to get hurt. I know eventually she will find out, I just hope I am not around when it happens. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Everyone gets caught eventually, if it goes on long enough. I'm worried as well, haven't been caught yet.........i'm dreading the day it happens. So many hearts will be broken. I hate that scared feeling, believe me, i know what you were feeling when you seen her pull up. That helpless, "hide me under a rock now" feeling. I hope it all goes well. Be ready for some extremely rocky roads ahead. Is he planning on staying with you? We have not made any future plans, for obvious reasons. His kids are 15 and 11 and he needs to concentrate on them right now. I will be there for him when he needs me but I am not making any plans to move him in or move in with him. There is much too much to get straightened out first. If all goes well, we will be together. I always wanted to be a part of his kid's lives and now I have ruined that. They will always think of me as the woman who broke up their home. I am going to have to live with this and I am working on that first. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Oh my goodness! That's like a nightmare... I am surprised she went to such lengths to follow him there and wait.... She must have been tipped off and waiting for him to meet you.... Good luck to you - if I were you - I would lay low for a bit of time until things settle down a bit... I am definately "laying low"...as low as I can go for now. I'm sure that someone tipped her off, which was inevitable. I was totally and completely freaked out and seemed much more upset than she did. It would be our one year anniversary Aug. 19th. What a ride it has been! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 My heart goes out to you and all involved. Best of luck to you. I hope it turns out the way you want it, whatever that may be. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Thank you very much, Green eyed lady, for the kind words. I know that their household is much more stressful tonight than mind and I am going crazy wondering what is going on. Right now I just want him to make things okay with the kids. He needs to just forget about me until he gets that mess straightened out. I really don't want them to lose respect for their dad. He has alot of work to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 My thoughts are with you Scarlet. I remember when we got caught. It was horrific. Brace yourself. Take care of yourself. WA Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 He tells me today that he is somewhat relieved and that he is waiting for her to file the papers. Am I the only one who finds this statement he made to be incredibly wishy-washy and annoying? Bah. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 My thoughts are with you Scarlet. I remember when we got caught. It was horrific. Brace yourself. Take care of yourself. WA Thank you, I know you have had your share of agony and you have come through it pretty well. I hope that I don't have to go through any hell over this. I am totally prepared for anything that might happen. I think I have been prepared the whole time. I was not prepared for her to catch us that way...I don't know if anyone could prepare for that. So much for my happy life and feelings of contentment! Link to post Share on other sites
stoopid_guy Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Am I the only one who finds this statement he made to be incredibly wishy-washy and annoying? Bah. I can understand it, he was in "limbo." Now, the direction is chosen, the decision is made. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Am I the only one who finds this statement he made to be incredibly wishy-washy and annoying? Bah. Hmmmm, I guess I haven't really given it any thought. I think he was just talking off of the top of his head today and babbling from complete shock. One thing is for sure...he was looking for a way out, and now he has it. I just don't know how well he is going to handle it. I'm not concerned about me...I can handle anything (except a crazed wife screaming at me). Link to post Share on other sites
kimba Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Run Run Run as fast as you can. Honestly- if he's going to cheat on his wife then chances are he will eventually cheat on you. It could be you one day screaming at him exactly like she did. I don't know who i pity more, you or the wife or the kids. This will not end in happiness. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Yeah, don't think that hasn't crossed my mind several thousand times. But...I am just as guilty as he is so I really cannot throw stones. Link to post Share on other sites
kimba Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 yeah you are both guilty but he sounds like a real cad. get yourself a guy that is really single. Link to post Share on other sites
Author scarletletter Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 He really has been good to me. I cannot be upset with him for any reason right now. I only have pity for him because of the situation with his boys. If I could change things, I would, but I can't. I cannot be negative in any way toward him. He is a nice guy in a bad situation. Yes, he should have gotten divorced way before now...but what man wants to support someone that he cannot stand? I know it is a pitiful excuse but we were just biding our time and being ridiculously stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 I can understand it, he was in "limbo." Now, the direction is chosen, the decision is made. Er...yeah. I guess that's kind of what I meant, though. Link to post Share on other sites
November-Rain Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Do you have children? Please consider what the children will be going through. Enduring a loveless marriage is probably a better choice for him, rather than leaving his children with an emotional scar for life. If you say his children are everything to him, be prepared for him to try to work it out with his wife for the sake of his childrens well being. When he sees how this will affect them I can almost guarantee you he will have a sudden change of heart. Be strong and prepare yourself for the worst. I know there is someone out there who deserves you more. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 When he sees how this will affect them I can almost guarantee you he will have a sudden change of heart I have to agree with this statement, and because of this his wife will want to try again. Go to marriage counselling and try again. If he decides to go that way, I hope you respect his choice and leave them be. (I don't mean that harshly as it may read...) Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Am I the only one who finds this statement he made to be incredibly wishy-washy and annoying? Bah. FWIW, this situation happened to me quite a few times over 7 years, but not directly like it happened to you. However, the statement he made is the same one exMM said to me. More than once. No matter what he says, its not over yet! I assure you! Link to post Share on other sites
Walking away Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Scarlet, I, as well as many others here, have gone through what you are going through right now. My MM, too, was "looking for a way out," and when given the opportunity, chose to stay in his marriage. As you may remember, I was devastated but honored his wishes and gracefully exited the relationship. As a side note, HE has not, however, let me go. He still attempts at contacting me and telling me how much he adores me and that what we had was true love. Rubbish. True love would have survived. And, in time, you will see if what you have is true love. Looking back, I can remember that her discovery of me and the subsequent decisions that were made proved to be an incredibly hard time for me, but I made it through. I am telling you this to let you know that ANYTHING can happen at this point. Emotions and decisions can change in a matter of minutes. The roller coaster ride now will be incredible for you. Prepare for it. I know you are strong, and I know you will make it through this. No matter what the outcome is, I know you will make it through. Prepare for the worst. Arm yourself with your strength. You are going to need it. I am so sorry again. I am sorry for you, his wife and his children. You, and all of them, are in my thoughts and prayers. I am sure this is going to be a long night for all of you. WA Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 I read the posts maybe 'coping' might be another indication of what may be shared for others, too or 3, um 4? Its' great to read about others, going to and fro, but in all due respect, we all share in our principals or values. Take care, /db Link to post Share on other sites
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