Busted by the Wife

[scarletletter]

Why does it seem like they prefer the BS to make the decision Like if she ups and leaves then that's ok they'll deal...but if she stays and wants to work things out then that's ok and he'll do that too.

 

Good point. I think its because they are lazy and don't want to go through the trouble of divorce.

[scarletletter]

This is the funny part...you'll note, elsewhere around these boards, that people sometimes raise that statistic about how so many more women do the divorcing. I have no idea whether that factoid is true, or whether it's a bizarre misperception.

 

But if there is any truth to it, then this kind of situation right here:

 

 

 

- probably has something to do with it, because it happens all the time. Sigh. Yes, y'all this is what I'm saying. Wishy-washy.

 

 

 

scarlet, I don't understand this. I mean, hasn't he been supporting them anyway, with no apparent end in sight - until she "busted" him, that is? It's roundabout and makes no sense. The only way in which it makes sense is he was afraid of confrontation and is plain old relieved to think that now he doesn't have to make any decisions about anything. Oldest trick in the book (but a rather unattractive personality trait).

 

But what if she doesn't file after all? That will be interesting. I wonder what he'll do then.

 

I'm not sure, but I think I meant that he doesn't want to support her when they are divorced OR married, yet he has been doing so. You are right...all was well until we got caught..now he can't wait to get out of the house. It was like a "get out of jail free" card for him, which bothers me.

[scarletletter]

It really has been a long couple of days here. I appreciate everyone's input and advice (even if it did start a few arguments..lol). That is exactly why I posted here. I felt guilty enough to know that I needed that bashing that some are so famous for in here and I also felt upset enough that I needed the support of those who had been there. Thank you all for your kind and not-so-kind words. I needed all of it.

[Last Mohegan]

I did get that turned around! Geez--I can't even communicate my miscommunication properly:laugh: Guess I've just proven once again how important communication is! Lord help me:laugh:

 

hee, I think you meant that the other way around (BS <--> WS). But thank you for the sentiment. And no worries - there was no offense taken.

[scarletletter]

It has been an impossible weekend...never ending! I haven't talked to MM all weekend because he had to go and pick one of the kids up from summer camp. I usually don't talk to him at all on weekends anyway because he is always with the kids. I have been waiting to get a phone call, a visit or whatever from his wife. So far, nothing. I wish I knew what was going on in that household tonight. She has already told her family about me and now they have disowned him...we knew that was coming. I am just sick. I wish I could know what to expect next. Is she going to find out who I am exactly and come after me? Is she going to tell the kids? Is she going to move out? So many possibilities and the waiting is killing me.

[Guest]

Your MM kids are older and even young children know when something is not right between their parents. Children are extremely resilient. They will be hurt, but they will still love their dad.

 

As the child of a scumbag cheater, I HATE this attitude. Children aren't as resilient as adults would like to think. If they were, there wouldn't be a multi-million pound industry devoted to therapy for children, not to mention all the kids that are dosed up with drugs by doctors. Children wouldn't HAVE to be resilient if they were treated properly in the first place.

 

Besides, you can't compare your divorce to the emotional torture of discovering your so-called loving parent is really a selfish, cheating pig who's lied to you over and over, and cr@pped all over your emotional well-being simply to get what HE wants.

 

Why SHOULD they love their dad? He hasn't acted like he loves them.

 

He can say he does until he's blue in the face, but look at how he's treating them. A lot of kids feel that they don't get enough time and attention from their parents. My dad was like that. Always busy busy busy.

 

How do you think I felt when I found out that he had LOTS of free time; he'd just chosen to spend it with his mistress instead?? What kind of parent puts their OW above the well-being of their children? That's what all cheating parents are doing.

 

Once you become a parent, you children's emotional well-being should be of the utmost importance. There is no reason to have an affair, no reason to lie and cheat. If he wanted to be with his wife, he shouldn't have had an affair. If he wanted to be with his OW, all him and her had to do was wait until he was divorced.

 

That's all. Just WAIT, and have a little respect and compassion for the innocent children. Would it really have killed these selfish people to have just WAITED??

 

Of course it wouldn't.

 

He can protest until he's blue in the face that he loves his kids, but he's deliberately risking emotional pain and damage to them, just so he can have his fun on the side. It's a horrible way to treat your children, and exactly the reason why the first thing I did when I found out was to write my father a long letter explaining exactly how a felt; the second thing was going NC with him, as I couldn't see the point of keeping him in my life at all.

 

Love isn't just a word you can throw out once in a while. If you truly love people, whether they're friends, family or it's a sexual relationship, then you DON'T RISK RIPPING THEIR HEARTS OUT in order to satisfy your own selfish desires.

 

Talk is cheap. It's so easy to say you love someone. It's less easy to put the effort in to show it.

 

I really wish selfish adults like him could be forced to feel exactly how much it hurts when you find out your father has lied to you for years, spent hardly any time with you cos he's too busy with his side-scr3w, destroyed your family and ripped out the hearts of the people he's supposed to love and protect.

 

I'm guessing he must live in a mansion, cos it'd take a HUGE property to house such a grossly overblown sense of entitlement and enormous ego.

 

Being under the age of 18 doesn't mean his children have no feelings. They are still people, human beings who deserve respect and deserve to have their feelings considered.

 

The only thing that stood in the way of the affair was the hearts, minds and emotional well-being of his children. And he stomped them right into the ground like so much dog***** beneath his shoes.

 

Someone needs to give him my sperm donor's telephone number. Then the two of them can hook up and talk about how much fun life is on Planet Selfish where you can do whatever the h3ll you want without having to give any consideration to the feelings of others, without having to face up to your responsibilities, or treat others with the most basic level of respect.

[scarletletter]

Guest,

I understand that you are in a great deal of pain from your past and I am very sorry for that. I am not sure that MM's kids will feel much differently. I hope that they will come through this okay. He and his wife have agreed to not share all information with them to protect them. I'm sure that they will find out eventually and it will be a nightmare for everyone involved. I agree with most everything you said and I am not trying to justify anyone's behavior. It is a bad thing for everyone involved and the pain and suffering that he and I will go through is nothing compared to what his children are going to endure. We never wanted that to happen...we played with fire and got burned. Now we will accept responsibility and suffer the consequences.

[BenThereDunThat]

It has been an impossible weekend...never ending! I haven't talked to MM all weekend because he had to go and pick one of the kids up from summer camp. I usually don't talk to him at all on weekends anyway because he is always with the kids. I have been waiting to get a phone call, a visit or whatever from his wife. So far, nothing. I wish I knew what was going on in that household tonight. She has already told her family about me and now they have disowned him...we knew that was coming. I am just sick. I wish I could know what to expect next. Is she going to find out who I am exactly and come after me? Is she going to tell the kids? Is she going to move out? So many possibilities and the waiting is killing me.

 

SL - any updates?

[ThumbingMyWay]

hello SL

 

does your husband have any clue yet?

 

What if OM wife tells your husband?

 

are you prepared to tell H and divorce him if OM goes thru with his?

 

what about your child?

 

hope you are ready for all of this, cuase this is just the beginning. As much as I understand your situ, I still dont agree with what you 2 have done and now is time when all the "what ifs" you had in your head become reality.

 

I hope for the best in the situation and I hope the kids pull thru with minimal damage. And honestly, if you 2 are really in love and can get thru this and make something work long term and the kids transition smoothly.....the would be great.....but i still dont agree with how it started.

[scarletletter]

hello SL

 

does your husband have any clue yet?

 

What if OM wife tells your husband?

 

are you prepared to tell H and divorce him if OM goes thru with his?

 

what about your child?

 

hope you are ready for all of this, cuase this is just the beginning. As much as I understand your situ, I still dont agree with what you 2 have done and now is time when all the "what ifs" you had in your head become reality.

 

I hope for the best in the situation and I hope the kids pull thru with minimal damage. And honestly, if you 2 are really in love and can get thru this and make something work long term and the kids transition smoothly.....the would be great.....but i still dont agree with how it started.

 

I am still laying low, but we speak on a daily basis. I have not told husband and I am positive that MM will not because he knows how violent my husband can be. My daughter doesn't know anything either. We can actually only handle one crisis at at time so when MM's situation calms down, I will carry on with mine...unless he finds out first. Wife brought home papers for MM to sign yesterday to get the proceedings started. It's moving very fast and that is what he wants. I am madly in love with him but I am not pushing at all right now. We have other people to think about other than ourselves right now. I'm thinking that we will be together in future but no rush. I want him to be comfortable with his new situation first. Thanks for the kind words.

[Guest]

I have not told husband and I am positive that MM will not because he knows how violent my husband can be.

 

I hope for your sake you have thought of an emergency exit plan for dealing with your violent husband in case your MM's wife tells your husband what you've been up to and he goes off the deep end. It's a pretty common thing for a BS to do and if she is on the warpath, I can see her doing this without batting an eye.

[Meaplus3]

If finally happened...she caught us. What a freakin' mess! We were at a hotel between his town and my town...20 min drive for both of us. While we were there, the phone rang...which was strange because no one knew we were there. Of course, we didn't answer it. Later, when we left I went to my car, he went to his. She pulled in front of him and blocked him in..screaming at him. She must have followed him there or someone else saw him...we are not sure. He told her.."so now you know..get out of my way so I can leave." He left and I was pulling out at the same time. She blocked me in and screamed..."that is my husband, you are caught!!" I nearly died. I never said a word, just drove on. She turned around and tried to follow me but I lost her. It was a horrifying experience and I knew sooner or later something like this would happen. He tells me today that he is somewhat relieved and that he is waiting for her to file the papers. I feel so terribal. Why didn't I feel terribal BEFORE we got caught. I am beating myself up now...well deserved. We have been so damn careful...this is nuts. He is actually glad he got caught but is devastated that his kids will have to endure divorce. What a damn nightmare for everyone involved. She doesn't love him, but NEEDS him. Very strange situation. I'll keep you posted.

 

OMG, I feel so bad for you, what a mess is right! What do you think will happen now? Is he planning to leave her for you? My thoughts are with you. Hang in there.

 

AP

[Curmudgeon]

How droll. My thoughts are with the wife and especially the children. I feel bad for them!

[RecordProducer]

How do you think I felt when I found out that he had LOTS of free time; he'd just chosen to spend it with his mistress instead?? What kind of parent puts their OW above the well-being of their children? That's what all cheating parents are doing.

Enrique Iglesias said that he was raised by his baby-sitter, while his mom (a journalist) was always busy and his dad was chasing after skirts. Even when his dad (Julio Iglesias) was single, his son can't forgive him that girls were more important to him than being with his child. So infidelity doesn't have to be included in neglecting children because of women.

 

Someone needs to give him my sperm donor's telephone number.

Through the whole post, you're referring to your father as the worst scum-bag on earth. I suspect that there had been a lot of venomous brain-washing going on by your mother. Sometimes women's hurt ego and vanity make them so irrational, so selfish that they turn their children against the father completely. They put the kids through horrible torture of romantic drama about how their pig-father destroyed their mother and the whole family because they screwed another woman. The only one who is destroying the children in this case is the mother. Children shouldn't disown their parents only because they cheated. Actually I think the fathers who don't abandon their children (but cheat) are better than those who divorce their mothers (and their children) to be with another woman.

 

If the cheater was such a bad father and husband, why didn't the wife acknowledge that and possibly leave him before she found out about the affair? There are so many men who feel stuck in their marriages, who made a mistake by marrying the wrong woman, but can't leave, because of the children or religious beliefs or other egoistic or altrusitic reasons.

 

I suspect that beside the ego thing, these mothers just took advantage of the infidelity to get rid of their husbands and cut them off their children's lives, but couldn't take the blame on themselves for breaking the marriage. Often these women were raised in the manner that divorce will destroy their children so when they finally find an excuse for a divorce (his infidelity), they want to prove that the father is the one who was the bad guy and ruined the children's lives, not her.

 

An emotionally healthy (not necessarily stable) woman will get over her hurt pride after a year or two and won't interfere with the children's father relationship... for the sake of her children.

 

Scarletletter, why do you live with a violent husband? Can't you get out of the marriage? Obviously the love is not there anymore since you love another man... Do you have kids? (Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread, maybe you answered my question before).

[Guest]

Enrique Iglesias said that he was raised by his baby-sitter, while his mom (a journalist) was always busy and his dad was chasing after skirts. Even when his dad (Julio Iglesias) was single, his son can't forgive him that girls were more important to him than being with his child. So infidelity doesn't have to be included in neglecting children because of women.

 

Through the whole post, you're referring to your father as the worst scum-bag on earth. I suspect that there had been a lot of venomous brain-washing going on by your mother. Sometimes women's hurt ego and vanity make them so irrational, so selfish that they turn their children against the father completely. They put the kids through horrible torture of romantic drama about how their pig-father destroyed their mother and the whole family because they screwed another woman. The only one who is destroying the children in this case is the mother. Children shouldn't disown their parents only because they cheated. Actually I think the fathers who don't abandon their children (but cheat) are better than those who divorce their mothers (and their children) to be with another woman.

 

If the cheater was such a bad father and husband, why didn't the wife acknowledge that and possibly leave him before she found out about the affair? There are so many men who feel stuck in their marriages, who made a mistake by marrying the wrong woman, but can't leave, because of the children or religious beliefs or other egoistic or altrusitic reasons.

 

I suspect that beside the ego thing, these mothers just took advantage of the infidelity to get rid of their husbands and cut them off their children's lives, but couldn't take the blame on themselves for breaking the marriage. Often these women were raised in the manner that divorce will destroy their children so when they finally find an excuse for a divorce (his infidelity), they want to prove that the father is the one who was the bad guy and ruined the children's lives, not her.

 

An emotionally healthy (not necessarily stable) woman will get over her hurt pride after a year or two and won't interfere with the children's father relationship... for the sake of her children.

 

Scarletletter, why do you live with a violent husband? Can't you get out of the marriage? Obviously the love is not there anymore since you love another man... Do you have kids? (Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread, maybe you answered my question before).

 

 

Yes, I have a daughter who is 9 years old. She loves her dad very much but is also scared of his temper. I just want out. Needs someone to kick me in the a$$ so I will do it. Why have I tolerated it for so long? I have no idea. Probably for my daughter who gets upset when we talk about divorce. I need her to come to terms with this and she will. I was waiting for her to get a little older, but I don't think I can now. MM signed papers last night to start divorce proceedings. He has checked out some places to live etc. He seems to see the light at the end of the tunnel now. He is staying positive. Their marriage was just as miserable as mine for different reasons. Wife is not giving him any trouble over this...she is filing the papers and they have agreed on all the terms so far. I cannot believe this is happening so fast. We will definately still see each other but I don't know how it will end up. I am prepared for anything. I know that he loves me and wants to be with me but we cannot think about that stuff right now. We have to let the dust settle a little first.

[scarletletter]

Enrique Iglesias said that he was raised by his baby-sitter, while his mom (a journalist) was always busy and his dad was chasing after skirts. Even when his dad (Julio Iglesias) was single, his son can't forgive him that girls were more important to him than being with his child. So infidelity doesn't have to be included in neglecting children because of women.

 

Through the whole post, you're referring to your father as the worst scum-bag on earth. I suspect that there had been a lot of venomous brain-washing going on by your mother. Sometimes women's hurt ego and vanity make them so irrational, so selfish that they turn their children against the father completely. They put the kids through horrible torture of romantic drama about how their pig-father destroyed their mother and the whole family because they screwed another woman. The only one who is destroying the children in this case is the mother. Children shouldn't disown their parents only because they cheated. Actually I think the fathers who don't abandon their children (but cheat) are better than those who divorce their mothers (and their children) to be with another woman.

 

If the cheater was such a bad father and husband, why didn't the wife acknowledge that and possibly leave him before she found out about the affair? There are so many men who feel stuck in their marriages, who made a mistake by marrying the wrong woman, but can't leave, because of the children or religious beliefs or other egoistic or altrusitic reasons.

 

I suspect that beside the ego thing, these mothers just took advantage of the infidelity to get rid of their husbands and cut them off their children's lives, but couldn't take the blame on themselves for breaking the marriage. Often these women were raised in the manner that divorce will destroy their children so when they finally find an excuse for a divorce (his infidelity), they want to prove that the father is the one who was the bad guy and ruined the children's lives, not her.

 

An emotionally healthy (not necessarily stable) woman will get over her hurt pride after a year or two and won't interfere with the children's father relationship... for the sake of her children.

 

Scarletletter, why do you live with a violent husband? Can't you get out of the marriage? Obviously the love is not there anymore since you love another man... Do you have kids? (Sorry, I didn't read the whole thread, maybe you answered my question before).

 

I think i have posted as guest by mistake ...so my response will be under the name of Guest...forgot to log in.

[Guest]

Through the whole post, you're referring to your father as the worst scum-bag on earth. I suspect that there had been a lot of venomous brain-washing going on by your mother. Sometimes women's hurt ego and vanity make them so irrational, so selfish that they turn their children against the father completely. They put the kids through horrible torture of romantic drama about how their pig-father destroyed their mother and the whole family because they screwed another woman. The only one who is destroying the children in this case is the mother. Children shouldn't disown their parents only because they cheated.

 

Sorry, but this is nonsense.

 

There was no "venomous brain washing" from my mother. She spoke very little of what was going on with the separation and refused to denigrate him.

 

She didn't have to. The only thing that alienated my from my father was HIS BEHAVIOUR. The only thing that made me despise him was the fact that he behaves as though he cares nothing for my feelings. He has caused immense pain to me, and for what? So he could have what he wanted. There was no need for him to cause this pain. He didn't have to do it. If he and his mistress had an ounce of compassion and decency, they wouldn't have been having an affair.

 

CHEATING HURTS CHILDREN. CHEATING IS SELFISH.

 

There is no need to cheat. Any parent who is cheating is risking their children's emotional well-being in order to get what they want. This is unacceptable.

 

One of the worst things a parent can do is hurt the child's other parent. Most experts on divorce say exactly the same thing. That, for a child, to see/hear/experience one parent being made to suffer by the other, being denigrated by the other, causes intense suffering and potential emotional damage. A cheating parent is deliberately hurting the other parent unnecessarily, and thus causing pain to their children, on top of all the other lies and disrespect.

 

IF SOMEONE WANTS OUT OF THEIR MARRIAGE THEY SHOULD LEAVE, NOT DELIBERATELY RIP PEOPLE'S HEARTS OUT.

 

And, no, the MOTHER isn't "destroying the children". The FATHER is destroying the children by lying to them, disrespecting them, deliberately hurting them unnecessarily, etc. etc. ad infinitum, ad nauseum.

 

I'll say it again: THERE IS NO NEED FOR ANYONE TO CHEAT.

 

A CHEATER IS TREATING THOSE THEY SHOULD BE LOVING AND PROTECTING WITH LIES AND DISRESPECT.

 

A CHEATER IS DELIBERATELY HURTING THOSE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO LOVE AND PROTECT.

 

And for what? SO THEY CHEATER CAN GET WHAT THEY WANT.

 

It is an incredibly selfish way to behave.

 

And you say that children shouldn't "disown" a parent "only" because they've cheated? This implies that you think that cheating is no big deal. Causing deliberate pain to those you're supposed to love and care for, for purely selfish reasons, is a HUGE deal.

 

What's the point of keeping a parent in your life when he behaves as though he doesn't love you? When he disrespects you and causes you deliberate pain, all so he can have what he wants? Parents are supposed to love and protect their children and when they choose not to, when they choose to cause pain unnecessarily for purely selfish reasons, what's the point of having that parent in your life?

 

When you've been lied to over and over, what's the point of talking to that parent? You KNOW because of their past behaviour that they'll lie to you again. You can't trust them. You can't believe a word they say because they've lied so many times. You can't trust them to care about your feelings, because they've chosen to deliberately cause you emotional agony in the past, unnecessarily, and for purely selfish reasons.

 

You know that the next time your feelings and well-being stand in the way of what that parent wants, they won't hesistate to stomp all over you again. You know because they've already done it once.

 

If they've hurt you once out of sheer selfishness, there's a real risk they'll do it again. And I've been hurt enough by this man. I don't want any more pain. Since he has chosen over and over to hurt me and cause pain, the only way to guarantee that he won't hurt me is to keep away.

 

The fact that his sperm fertilised the egg... well, if it had meant anything to him he wouldn't have chosen to hurt and hurt and hurt me in the first place. He would have cared enough to do what was right, rather than hurt me in order to get what he wanted. And if it means nothing to him, it means nothing to me.

 

I've never understood parental arrogance, this attitude of, "I can treat my children any way I want - even selfishly cause them deliberate emotional suffering - and still expect them to love and respect me". This is the attitude my father has, and your post gives the impression that it's your attitude too. Children are not emotionless beings who are merely there to be trampled on.

 

If a parent wants the love and respect of their children, they need to treat those children with love and respect. Full stop. That's all there is to it.

[lovelorcet]

I am with Curmudgeon on this one. I am sorry but the two of you started this mess out of your own selfishness. I think you really need to take some time and make some serious decisions about your life.

 

Why is your priority in life to meet up with this guy at some cheap motel and not to be protecting your daughter from your violent husband.

 

If your daughter is important to you then act that way, how are you ensuring her well being by getting involved in such a mess and thereby unleashing whatever her father may do when he finds out…

[RecordProducer]

One of the worst things a parent can do is hurt the child's other parent. Most experts on divorce say exactly the same thing. That, for a child, to see/hear/experience one parent being made to suffer by the other, being denigrated by the other, causes intense suffering and potential emotional damage. A cheating parent is deliberately hurting the other parent unnecessarily, and thus causing pain to their children, on top of all the other lies and disrespect.

OK, I will change my tone. I don't want to drill in your heart and make you feel bad. On the contrary, I want you to understand that your father didn't hurt you deliberately because he hated you and disrespected you. He just acted instinctively and yes, selfishly (aren't we all selfish at certain times?). As a result, you feel that you were not the center of his universe, which you - objectively - were supposed to be.

 

The paragraph that I quoted shows precisely how you feel about the whole situation: you feel that your mother was immensely and deliberately hurt by your father. The impact of her pain is so strong in your soul that you see it as if he stabbed her with a knife just for fun and made you watch the horrific scene. You are not even open to try and understand that people do make mistakes and our parents don't make them to ruin our lives. The damage that we receive from our parents' mistakes is a side product that they feel bad about, but will never show it because it hurts them even more than us.

 

When I was age 5, my mom hooked up with a guy. A year later she left my father to live with this guy (took me with her too). This guy was very cruel and mean to both of us, he beat my mom, he molested me, etc. As much as I can blame my mom for leaving my dad and letting all this happen (she didn't know about the sexual abuse until I told her many years later, but she knew he was beating her in front of me and should have known that it would destroy my childhood), I understand that she couldn't live with my father. Now I love my dad to death, but he is a very difficult man to live with (mamma's boy, stubborn, weird, messy, psychotic, etc.)

 

I was an alcoholic for 15 years and finally quit drinking 5 days ago and will never drink again. I went through hell and back because of how my parents cooked my childhood. But they didn't do it on purpose! It's not my dad's fault that he was born "defective" and it's not my mom's fault that she was born naive and frightened. At those times, therapists didn't point out at all the damage that broken families caused to their children.

 

I forgive them both, because I know they love me deeply. They didn't choose to hurt me. They are both hurt themselves. And I feel so sorry for their destiny. I feel sorry that they feel guilty. I don't blame my mom for cheating on my dad or divorcing him. But if I could choose now, I would rather that she cheated on him without leaving him or marrying this monster, although I can't imagine her being still married to my dad.

 

You can choose to disown your parent and deny your own existence or you can choose to forgive your father and realize that things just do happen and people move on. If your mother were able to move on and show you that it's not the end of the world and that her world didn't revolve around your father's nasty deeds, you would have accepted his mistakes as a part of life. And life is not always fair. You could have maintained the relationship with your father and have two parents in your life. But instead, you were forced to concentrate on how much your father deliberately hurt your mother (and thus you), burn him at a stake, and write him off for good.

 

This is not doing any good to you; it's only causing harm to your soul. You only have one father and you only live once... so why burn bridges behind you, hon?

 

Let it go and forgive him. You'll find peace if you do that.

[whichwayisup]

I am with Curmudgeon on this one. I am sorry but the two of you started this mess out of your own selfishness. I think you really need to take some time and make some serious decisions about your life.

 

Why is your priority in life to meet up with this guy at some cheap motel and not to be protecting your daughter from your violent husband.

 

If your daughter is important to you then act that way, how are you ensuring her well being by getting involved in such a mess and thereby unleashing whatever her father may do when he finds out…

 

Well put and I agree 100%.

[Guest]

I have a completely different perspective on parents divorcing and "ruining" their child's life. While I don't condone affairs I don't think that parents should stay in a loveless marriage for the well being of the children. When parents stay in a loveless marriage what are they teaching their children about love, all the yelling, fighting, or simply ignoring each other doesn't make a child feel loved and protected and it teaches them nothing of what a loving relationship should look or feel like. In the end it hurts the children more because many times those individuals will enter into a marriage like the one they observed while growing up. I guess the sword is double edged.

[scarletletter]

I am with Curmudgeon on this one. I am sorry but the two of you started this mess out of your own selfishness. I think you really need to take some time and make some serious decisions about your life.

 

Why is your priority in life to meet up with this guy at some cheap motel and not to be protecting your daughter from your violent husband.

 

If your daughter is important to you then act that way, how are you ensuring her well being by getting involved in such a mess and thereby unleashing whatever her father may do when he finds out…

 

I don't expect anyone to understand my situation. My daughter is very well protected and is my number one top priority. She and her dad have a perfect relationship and he would never do anything to her or me in front of her. She is are whole life. Who said it was a cheap motel.

[Blind Illusion]

I don't expect anyone to understand my situation. My daughter is very well protected and is my number one top priority. She and her dad have a perfect relationship and he would never do anything to her or me in front of her. She is are whole life. Who said it was a cheap motel.

 

I understand, Scarlet. Of course your daughter is your number 1 priority. You staying with someone for her sake attests to that. So, you sacrifice a bit but then meet someone that does add moments of happiness to your life. Aren't you entitled to at least that. Certainly a few happy instances for yourself is hardly indicative of child neglect in any way.

 

Yes, in the ideal world, you would have this loving union in which to raise your child and everyone's needs were met and life was simply beautiful. Sometimes, life doesn't work like that. Sometimes, you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place and its simply a matter of which is the lesser of two evils. For the time being, anyhow. I guess that not everyone can comprehend that premise. Such is good. That means that they never had to deal with life offering them anything other than a good & bad choice. Unfortunately, not everyone is that lucky. People ought to remember that & reserve the judgment calls..

 

LOL about who said it was a cheap hotel ...He he he

[scarletletter]

Blind Illusion...you are my new best friend...lol. You have my situation pegged exactly. I am sorry for the one that has had a bad childhood and adult hood because of a cheating father. Not every situation is the same. We took a risk out of desperation and we got caught. It was something that we knew some day we would have to deal with, just not so soon. A year has gone by really fast. My mm loves his children more than life and I know that he is unhappy about only getting to see them part time after the divorce. They told the kids last night and he told me that they took it very well. They both are very perceptive and knew that things haven't been right for a long time. As for my daughter, when I finally get a divorce, she will be okay with it. She will be upset at first, but she is old enough to know that the fighting that goes on is not the way to live your life.

[RecordProducer]

I don't expect anyone to understand my situation. My daughter is very well protected and is my number one top priority. She and her dad have a perfect relationship and he would never do anything to her or me in front of her. She is are whole life. Who said it was a cheap motel.

I was going to quote and comment that "cheap" also. The poster just had to add drama into your story. Well if it's expensive then why aren't you spending that money on your daughter? If it's cheap then you're cheap!

 

If we would start evaliuating our every step in terms of how much our children benefit from it, we shouldn't do anything in life, but be with them and go to work. Hanging on LS certainly isn't directly beneficiary to our kids.

 

But most of all, children need happy parents. A few hours of quality time per day with a happy mom means much more than 24 hrs with a miserable one. Emotional and sexual satisfaction makes a woman happy.