bridget75 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 The boy and I were together for 2.5 years. Broke up after a month of not seeing one another (he was working long hours and, though he wouldn't admit it, was putting our relationship on the back burner), and having weekly fights (started by me) about the lack of time spent together. After a month of NC, he calls me at work. And talks to me for 45 mins about nothing. He's continued to call, once or twice per week, every time only going so far as to talk current events, the weather, new film releases, etc. Nothing about him, nothing about me, nothing about us. I've let him lead the convos, and haven't questioned his intentions, but I'm beginning to wonder what they are. This has been going on for the last two months. The last few calls have gotten more personal. He's a little flirty, teases me, references things we'd done together, movies we'd seen, repeating little inside jokes we'd once shared. But there is still no mention of seeing one another again, as friends or otherwise. And I'm unsure as to what his intentions are. Does he want to be friends? Does he want to be friendly? Does he miss me? I wish I could read minds! I don't want to have to ask him what he's thinking. I'd rather let him take his time and reveal himself when he's ready to...but I'd still like to know what is going on. I'd love to hear your insights into my situation. Thanks in advance! Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 he misses you and wants to make sure you're still available to him. If he wanted to get back together, he wouldn't be calling to "chit chat." In essence, he's basically stringing you along until he figures out what he wants or finds someone else who isn't going to initially be as much trouble as he believes you two were in the relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bridget75 Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Wow! That was fast! Thanks for your response. He always said that, regardless of how "we" turned out, he would always want to have me in his life...that we would always be close. This was said over and over, at various stages in our relationship. I'd hoped that he meant that, as I do want for us to be friends. What I don't want is to be used to help him get over the breakup, only to be dropped like a hot potato once he's done so. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 What I don't want is to be used to help him get over the breakup, only to be dropped like a hot potato once he's done so. If that's not what you want, I believe you need to go no contact. The vast majority of the time, that's exactly what it is. When I say the vast majority, I really mean pretty much all of the time. The only way you can be the exception and be friends is if a) neither of you is romantically interested in the other b) it's been so long that you no longer have a romantic interest in each other. Basically, you can't be friends if you're romantically interested in each other. Anything else is someone stringing you along or you stringing yourself along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bridget75 Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 I can't speak for him (even if I knew what his intentions are), but I would like to be friends. It became clear towards the end that the relationship wasn't going anywhere, and I know that I am better off being out of it. I am admittedly afraid of going NC. I'm not initating contact, but I have been accepting it. If there is a possibility of keeping him in my life as a friend, I don't want to discourage him by refusing to take his calls. He's important to me, and I don't want to lose him. If NC is purely to help me heal and move on, I'm not sure that that's necessary for me at this time. I don't feel hurt, and I am ready to move on...but I would like to still have him in my life. Maybe that's impossible, but I'm hoping that it's not. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 I don't think you would be posting in second chances if you didn't in some way want more than a friendship. Most of the time, friendships only work out after a period of no contact. If you want more than a friendship, no contact is the only way to go in my experience. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bridget75 Posted July 28, 2006 Author Share Posted July 28, 2006 Sorry...I saw all the "Ex Calling" posts, and added mine to this part of the board. Maybe I should have put this in another part of the forum. It was my first post on LoveShack, so I'm a bit of a posting novice. Thanks for your responses, Daphne. I appreciate your thoughts on this. Link to post Share on other sites
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