Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Hi--my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now. Things have really been smooth sailing. We spend most of our free time together, and sex is fantastic! However---he has been known to be something of a player in his past, and when I met him he was just getting over a really big hurt with a woman. Well, flashback to last week! His phone rang three times durning the night. We had both been drinking, and were pretty buzzed up.....In the morning I listened (please, I know I invaded his privacy! don't shoot me!) to his messages. Two at 4 am, and one at 8am. All from the same woman! The first two said that he had no reason to be jealous, she did not answer his calls because she fell asleep early. She went on to state how happy he makes her, how all of her friends have noticed that she is always smiling....etc..etc...the only reason she did not answer his call was because she took some medicine and fell asleep.....PS--when I don't answer right away, he pulls some of the same stuff on me...Where were you? ETC...... She also asked after his child by name....however, she never did say his name....and she spoke of her child, like someone that he has heard of often. The third call at 8, was stating that she and her friend were going to lunch if he wanted to stop by and meet them..... Well, I totally went ballistic, screaming, crying, blah,blahblah......He told me it was the wrong number! He has never heard that voice before....she didn't ask about his child, it was a name that sounded similar, but one letter off........Total BS is what I am thinking...... I was a mess for an entire week, did not see him, cried, was sick. He was playing the injured party! How can I have so little faith in him? Why don't I trust him? So on.......He also changed his password for voicemail, so I can no longer access it. This week we went away overnight for my birthday, he pleaded with me to go, and like a fool, I did. Well, now he is saying that this woman is crazy, he met her once and got his number from someone...but nothing is going on. I know in my head that this is unbelievable--but I can't walk away! Am I totally being played? Opinions please..... Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 What does your gut instinct tell you? You ask why do you have so little faith in him? Perhaps its becasue you already knew once you started dating him he had a rep for being a player. If it was a wrong number like he says, I don't think he would have changed his password to his cell. He received 2 calls from the same woman, one at 4 and one at 8, if it was a wrong number, I could understand it being once, but she called twice, so that says to me, its probably NOT the wrong number. You say you can't walk away? Why? Do you like being lied to? Do you like being deceived or played? You might could lay low and see what else is going on, but he now knows you know something is up, which means he will probably just get better at hiding it. JMO. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
ash8752 Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 There is a few things to look at here #1. He changed his story. It started as a wrong number and then it turned into it being a woman whom he met once and someone gave her his number. What could be next? It is a woman i went out with twice and now she is crazy. #2. She sounds like she is a bit tapped. If they are dating often then she may be sane, but if they met once and she is taking this all out of context then look at her. " My friends notice me smiling blah blah blah." Did her number show up on his phone? It sounds like she really likes him so I am sure if you called with a few questions she is going to be semi honest with you because she wants you to break up. That is what I would do atleast. The fact that he changed his story is a red flag. Look into it a bit if you can. See what you can find. Good luck to ya!!! Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Liar liar pants on fire! The guy is so playing around on you. Confront it and dump him. Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 (please, I know I invaded his privacy! don't shoot me!) Believe me, you are well within your rights to investigate things that seem fishy in a relationship Two at 4 am, and one at 8am. All from the same woman! The first two said that he had no reason to be jealous, she did not answer his calls because she fell asleep early. She went on to state how happy he makes her, how all of her friends have noticed that she is always smiling....etc..etc...the only reason she did not answer his call was because she took some medicine and fell asleep.. Heads up....they are having an Emotional Affair. It is quite obvious that they are working their way up to an intimate thing if it hasnt been done already, however, something tells me they havent.....yet......her saying that he has no reason to be jealous indicates to me that he must of left a message with her letting on that he was jealous, either by tone or words...and if he was jealous that she didnt answer the phone, well then obviously he has some sort of feelings for her now doesnt he? I think this: PS--when I don't answer right away, he pulls some of the same stuff on me...Where were you? ETC...... Is very telling as far as what his plans with her are.... She also asked after his child by name....however, she never did say his name I really didnt get this....She asked after his child by name but didnt say his name? Whose name? Your BF's? This was a bad choice: Well, I totally went ballistic, screaming, crying, blah,blahblah...... Because it was going to quite obviously lead to this: He also changed his password for voicemail, so I can no longer access it. People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Period. Well, now he is saying that this woman is crazy, he met her once and got his number from someone...but nothing is going on. Oh please, they all say that!! Am I totally being played? YESSSSS! Tell him you need a day off to think. Then go back and tell him that "after carefully reviewing all of the evidence, I see no reason to continue this relationship with you" and stick to it. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Sounds like you're being played to me. The big hint was when his story changed from "Wrong number" to "Some random woman I gave my number to who is crazy." Link to post Share on other sites
a4a Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Sounds like you're being played to me. The big hint was when his story changed from "Wrong number" to "Some random woman I gave my number to who is crazy." Yeah and next thing you know they are moving in with the crazy stranger lady....... (need a head shake emoticon) Link to post Share on other sites
typical Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Another thing...most of the time people dont accept what so blantantly obvious, and if that is the case, you might want to call her and play detective to eradicate any and all traces of doubt within your mind. Because I am almost positive he is playing you. I wouldnt let on to her that you are the GF, rather, I would say that you and he got your phones mixed up when he was visiting your brother's house yesterday because they are the exact same, and didnt realize it until you checked the voicemail and called her thinking that she was his new girlfriend, and you wondered if she could get ahold of him because you need to switch the phones back...and that when you tried to call your phone, it was off...use your best gentle, unassuming, unemotional, it really was a mistake voice. that way you can fish for more information. If I were you, I would also record it, that way you have solid proof that there is no way he can get out of....I have dealt with slippery fish before, you really have to cover all bases. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 28, 2006 Share Posted July 28, 2006 Typical, Thanks for the advice! I don't have her number--it was an unknown caller, and he told me he doesn't have it either! I wanted to call her right then. Like I said. I know that there is something going on....I'm just not sure how far it has gone yet. I really need time to think. I do need to get my hands on his phone to look through the numbers.....but......I will be sick making the calls. I found one number, called it, and it was a woman named Kristy. (It was a missed call on his phone, not in his phonebook.) I listened to her voicemail message, but I don't know if it is the same voice. When I questioned him--he said he doesn't know who it is--he gets alot of calls. Well, I can't go around calling everyone who calls him and question them, right? Link to post Share on other sites
wonderingmind Posted July 29, 2006 Share Posted July 29, 2006 In the morning I listened (please, I know I invaded his privacy! don't shoot me!) to his messages. If he gave you access to his voicemail then there must have been some expectation you would make use of it. That's not an invasion of privacy. He told me it was the wrong number! Studying math taught me a valuable life lesson: the first time is an incident, the second time could be a coincidence, the third time is a pattern. it was a name that sounded similar, but one letter off And he knows this how? Did she spell the name? He also changed his password for voicemail That speaks volumes. Well, now he is saying that this woman is crazy Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. If that were the case, wouldn't he change his phone number instead of his password? I know in my head that this is unbelievable Are you trying to convince yourself this didn't happen? but I can't walk away! Uh, yeah you can. And, since you asked for opinions, here's mine: You are being played. Link to post Share on other sites
beach Posted July 29, 2006 Share Posted July 29, 2006 shouldn't be a surprise you are being played... you said in your first post he has always been a player... Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted July 29, 2006 Share Posted July 29, 2006 And he knows this how? Did she spell the name? No she did not spell the name. It was something like. "How is Sarah"---he said "She didn't say Sarah--sounded more like Tara" Link to post Share on other sites
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