Ladies, what makes a man attractive?

[loveinlife]

Thanks for all the pointers, I greatly appreciate everyone's contribution to these comments. It helps me and the rest of the single guys in LS understand what women look for in a man.

[CGrace44]

I know it sounds cheesy but confidence is what makes men attractive. Everyone has weaknesses. Its hard for other people to dwell on your weaknesses if you don't make them seem an issue to yourself. If you are willing to accept your own imperfections and be confident about yourself then others will see you as someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff. Someone who is more laid back and worth spending some time getting to know.

 

Also, determination. No girl wants to be with someone who has no goals and no aspirations. It's too boring. And too easy.

[Aloros]

Physical attributes - dark hair, dark eyes, darker skin than mine (not hard, I'm a pale monkey). Fit, but not necessarily buff. I'm not too fond of pretty boys. My guy doesn't have to be rugged, either, I just like a bit of a flawed appearance. Nice lips.

 

Personality - ambitious. When I say ambitious, I don't mean "makes a lot of money", I mean someone who knows what he wants and knows how to get it (or is finding out how, at the very least). Intelligence is very important - I want someone I can bounce ideas off of and who can give me relevant suggestions. I find someone who is kind (I love nice guys), confident - not cocky, and who has a good sense of humor to be very attractive. I find the way a guy treats me also makes a big difference. If a guy treats me like I'm a goddess, I find him that much more attractive, and am very likely to return the favor .

 

And in my experience, guys who are overly sensitive are unattractive. I like to tease and poke fun at the people I like, and a person who can't deal with this good-naturedly is a big turn-off.

[Joelle]

For me, three words: Chemistry, chemistry, chemistry.

[Yamaha]

Guy,

If you look at the responses from women as to what attracts them to a man you see that the physical requirements are fairly generic but the personality traits are much more specific.

 

If you asked men what they are attracted to in a women the physical attributes would be much more specific and the personality traits fairly generic.

 

The differences are that women are mainly interested in chemistry and how a guy stirs their emotions as to attraction. To get a gal interested you must stir her feelings, you must invoke an emotional response in her. Not to say that women aren't interested in a good looking man but if that man doesn't stir their emotions then the interest ebbs. This the main reason why a gal may be interested in you at first but her interest level drops over time because you are not engaging her feelings and the interest ends.

 

Get the picture???

[john1776]

I know it sounds cheesy but confidence is what makes men attractive. Everyone has weaknesses. Its hard for other people to dwell on your weaknesses if you don't make them seem an issue to yourself. If you are willing to accept your own imperfections and be confident about yourself then others will see you as someone who doesn't sweat the small stuff. Someone who is more laid back and worth spending some time getting to know.

 

Also, determination. No girl wants to be with someone who has no goals and no aspirations. It's too boring. And too easy.

 

 

I have to disagree. I'm in a 3.5 year relationship with my girlfriend and I don't have any goals or aspirations. Maybe for you it would be unattractive but you can't speak for all women. Just like I can't speak for all men on what I find attractive in women. I can only speak for myself.

 

So if what you say is true about women not wanting men who lack ambition as a general rule then I either have one of those rare relationships or she has ulterior motives for dating me. I tend to think that I have one of those rare relationships because I have given her no reason to stay with me plus the fact she hasn't given me a reason to suspect that she has ulterior motives for staying with me. But my lack of ambition has never been an issue between us.

 

By the worlds standards I'm not an ambitious and goal oriented person. I live my life 1 day at a time. I'm only interested in doing what it takes to get by day by day. Today's troubles are more than enough for me to worry about. I don't have time to worry about tomorrow because tomorrow is not here yet.

 

Come to think of it any suspicions that I have of her motives for dating me come only from blindly taking to heart what I read on these boards about what attracts women and what doesn't. Maybe alot of women or men for that matter don't respect me for the lifestyle choices I've made but that's their problem. I never asked for their respect.

[Outcast]

The point is THERE IS NO RULE. 'Women' are not the Borg. We are each different and have different tastes. Which is why these threads are useless except to find out what your fellow LSers happen to like.

[john1776]

What really ticks me off is when any poster claims to be an authority figure on this subject and says "as a general rule women don't want overweight men" or something to that effect.

 

It ticks me off that they would make statements like that without citing sources to back up their claims. I'd like to know where they get their information from and how reliable are these sources?

 

I'm not stupid. Don't think for one minute you can say "as a general rule" and hope that I'm just going to take your word for it without any reliable sources to back up what you've said. Maybe these general rules apply to specific women that these particular men want but not necessarily all women.

 

I'm in the minority here when I say that I don't want what I cannot have. I don't want a woman who is a challenge. What is the point of wanting what is impossible or difficult to get? It's much better for me to just learn to be content with whatever comes easy. I'm not a challenge to any woman and I don't expect them to be a challenge either. If you make yourself a challenge then you are not worth wanting and going after in my opinion.

[burning 4 revenge]

I like your attitude john 1776.

 

I need to be more like you and just forget about the things I cannot have and seek those things that come easy

[john1776]

I like your attitude john 1776.

 

I need to be more like you and just forget about the things I cannot have and seek those things that come easy

 

 

Seriously though I've given up competing with other men. I've dropped out of this game of competition and being a good catch. It's not worth it. I've decided that if things don't work out with my current relationship that I'm not going to date again. It's too much work.

 

It's better to be single than deal with all this drama. I'm lucky that I don't have much drama in my current relationship. My relationship is nothing like the relationships the majority of posters have on this board.

 

I don't have the energy or the will to start over with somebody else. Now if it just so happens that another woman comes along and is willing to tolerate me then so much for the better but I'm not going to look for her.

[BohemeRose]

A lot of people think this is a cop out, but the first thing that attracts me to a man physically is his eyes. I honestly believe you can tell a lot about a person by really looking at their eyes...and not in a creepy staring-stalker sort of way...just in conversation. The first thing that really attracted me to my boyfriend physically was his kind, crystal blue eyes. I could almost see how laid-back and understanding he was by the look in his eyes, and you know what? Those are two of his qualities I love most.

 

Beyond the physical, I'm typically attracted to men who are self-assured and intelligent. Not necessarily academic, but have a good head on his shoulders. Most women don't want a man who tries to carry his end of a conversation with grunts and nods.

[BohemeRose]

Well SUGARPLUM.....I know some blue-collar dudes who are labourers and they say that when they tell good-looking chicks what they do for a living the chicks get turned off.

 

I know a dude whos like around 42, good looking, good shape, dresses very nicely but he's a professional welder with no college. He bitches constantly that the good looking broads aren't interested in him. He says they usually go after the doctors and lawyers and businessmen.

 

What do you say to that?

 

I think if he's the one calling them "broads" in the first place...that could be his first problem. The second being he should be less concerned with finding good looking ones than with finding one he gets along with.

 

My boyfriend happens to be a factory worker (doing what exactly, is hard for me to say. it seems to change monthly!) and to be honest, as a bank teller (not the most exciting job, but it pays the rent...most of the time.) I'm making a little bit more than him hourly. That never effected my feelings for him in the slightest. If anything, I respect him more for going and working so hard for about 9 hours a day.

 

But, my father is an electrician, as was his father, my brother's a mechanic and my mother's father worked in a factory as well so...maybe that has shaped my opinion of good ol' blue collar boys.

[Buttaflyy]

Great Post BohemeRose!!!

 

I think if he's the one calling them "broads" in the first place...that could be his first problem. The second being he should be less concerned with finding good looking ones than with finding one he gets along with.

 

But, my father is an electrician, as was his father, my brother's a mechanic and my mother's father worked in a factory as well so...maybe that has shaped my opinion of good ol' blue collar boys.

 

And I totally agree with this!! It's the same for me (different occupations).

 

My boyfriend happens to be a factory worker (doing what exactly, is hard for me to say. it seems to change monthly!) and to be honest, as a bank teller (not the most exciting job, but it pays the rent...most of the time.) I'm making a little bit more than him hourly. That never effected my feelings for him in the slightest. If anything, I respect him more for going and working so hard for about 9 hours a day..

[Green]

First of all Buttaflyy send me a private msg or something I really wanted to talk to you about something. Second an attractive man has a presence, a good voice really helps something smooth and deep usually, Being tall dark and handsome always seems to be a plus, I usually take my glasses off when I'm flirting with a girl or going to a club its cooler. Girls don't like nervous or super serious guys, its better to be playful, witty and casual about things. Oh yeah and girls love it when guys act indifferent.

[Buttaflyy]

First of all Buttaflyy send me a private msg or something I really wanted to talk to you about something. Second an attractive man has a presence, a good voice really helps something smooth and deep usually, Being tall dark and handsome always seems to be a plus, I usually take my glasses off when I'm flirting with a girl or going to a club its cooler. Girls don't like nervous or super serious guys, its better to be playful, witty and casual about things. Oh yeah and girls love it when guys act indifferent.

 

Ummm. I tried PMing you. You don't have it enabled. Why don't you try sending your msg to me?

[Colombiana]

KMT - Personally I don't like a guy who is indifferent- That's way too complicated. I like men to be more transparent with their feelings- but not too the point of pus*y*ess.

 

I like a guy who makes an effort to meet me and show his interest with those qualities you mentioned you above:

A nice deep voice ( natural) is very important to me,

A gentle smooth approach - which ideally will convey an extremely attractive self confidence.

Also key is a good listener, someone who treats people with respect no matter what their level in life happens to be

And as stated above ambition or passion of some sort-

 

My ex BF in the beginning had these qualities but very soon started talking about being semi retired (and he was 38!). Even if one has a lot a $, Lazyness is a HUGE turnoff ( at least for me and I can say with confidence, most of my girlfriends).

 

Like John1776 expressed-I think a lot of American men just don't want to compete anymore and choose to live day to day, cause they are too tired and the road looks too hard, and a good number of working women have generally become ballbusters ( at the minimum those in the media & NYC where I lived). It's as if men are obsolete, or not necessary anymore cause woman today can do everything on their own-OR you need to be a gay man to help her with artsy stuff....hair, decorating, etc

 

It's understandable John1776 where you are coming from -but very unattractive and depressing ( to me). I know cause I was with a guy for a looooooong time like that. I think most of us women who are looking to build a family need the guy to have more ambition than just getting by day by day- it's just nature- (how will we feed the kids when the money runs out or if something unexpected happens)?

 

but then if you don't have that goal with a woman- of making a life , fam, together- my point of view has no bearing.

[burning 4 revenge]

Seriously though I've given up competing with other men. I've dropped out of this game of competition and being a good catch. It's not worth it. I've decided that if things don't work out with my current relationship that I'm not going to date again. It's too much work.

 

It's better to be single than deal with all this drama. I'm lucky that I don't have much drama in my current relationship. My relationship is nothing like the relationships the majority of posters have on this board.

 

I don't have the energy or the will to start over with somebody else. Now if it just so happens that another woman comes along and is willing to tolerate me then so much for the better but I'm not going to look for her.

you're my new hero. i honesly want to be just like this, it's almost like zeno the stoic. that's so awesome and it's a certain wordlview reflected in cynism and buddhism also.

 

the problem with me is that i am lazy, but i can't stop wanting the things i want. and what i want most of all involves p*ssy.

[loveinlife]

Seriously though I've given up competing with other men. I've dropped out of this game of competition and being a good catch. It's not worth it. I've decided that if things don't work out with my current relationship that I'm not going to date again. It's too much work.

 

It's better to be single than deal with all this drama. I'm lucky that I don't have much drama in my current relationship. My relationship is nothing like the relationships the majority of posters have on this board.

 

I don't have the energy or the will to start over with somebody else. Now if it just so happens that another woman comes along and is willing to tolerate me then so much for the better but I'm not going to look for her.

 

 

Although I am not in a relationship. The last one took so much effort and so much pain in the break up. Its hard for me to find another woman to date and start all over again. Like you said, its just tiring. Right now, just enjoy what I have in my life and be happy. If there is a woman that comes around, I hope it'll just slip right through without strains.

[john1776]

Yeah I don't have plans to live with my girlfriend or get married to her anytime soon. This is not to say that it will never happen. It's just not a step I'm interested in or ready to take anytime soon.