How to act around men at work that you know are interested..when you are not

[SadandConfusedWA]

There are couple of guys at work that I know like me. Both have asked me out and I said no, but they keep coming over to my desk to chat to me. Maybe I could be accused of flirting with them a bit (but that was before I knew they would take it seriously). Now I enjoy spending time with both of them, they are nice to talk to, I'm just not attracted to them at all.

 

My question is: Both have expressed interest in spending time with me outside of work in a purely platonic sense (they know I only want to be friends), would that be ok? Another worry is that if I do spend time with them outside of work they can start rumors that I'm dating them which could ruin my reputation.

 

What is the best way to proceed and act around them?

[Outcast]

I think they think that being friends will be a path to winning you over. It's not a good idea to date guys you work with and, as you've already found, it's hard to just make friends with them. I'm afraid you'll have to continue to discourage them. Don't be real friendly when they come to chat. Sad, but you sometimes have to quit being your best self when guys like that are around because if you're not, they think you're encouraging them.

[mariJane]

well you were flirting though, so thats diff. but i had guys at work probs, depended on guy, the one, just couldnt break with him and he backed off, another, just couldnt talk to him period or he thought wrong, AND I WAS NOT FLIRTING SO it depends on guy. Good luck!!!

[stoopid_guy]

Just be honest with them, "you're a nice guy, just not my type." Tell them the flirting was purely in fun. If that doesn't work, ignore them as completely as possible (given the environment.) Don't let them get their hopes up.

 

In short, if you aren't interested, make it clear to them. That's best for them and you.

[Curmudgeon]

In a word, "professional."

[HeyYouGuys]

There are couple of guys at work that I know like me. Both have asked me out and I said no, but they keep coming over to my desk to chat to me. Maybe I could be accused of flirting with them a bit (but that was before I knew they would take it seriously). Now I enjoy spending time with both of them, they are nice to talk to, I'm just not attracted to them at all.

 

My question is: Both have expressed interest in spending time with me outside of work in a purely platonic sense (they know I only want to be friends), would that be ok? Another worry is that if I do spend time with them outside of work they can start rumors that I'm dating them which could ruin my reputation.

 

What is the best way to proceed and act around them?

 

Do not spend time outside of work in a 'purely platonic' sense because you know and I know that's a bunch of baloney.

 

They want to hang out with you to try and get you to like them. Don't play this game with co-workers. It can literally blow up in your face. They can mis-read things, people will assume something is going on when it's not and it makes you look less than professional.

 

Tell them, "Thanks for the invite but I have a lot going on right now" and leave it at that.

 

A great way to get an interested guy to back off is to invent a boyfriend and talk about him a lot.

[stoopid_guy]

Tell them, "Thanks for the invite but I have a lot going on right now" and leave it at that.

And then if she ever shows any indication of being bored, they'll think they have a chance. Simply tell them the truth.

[TattooedPrincess]

Don't date anyone that you work with. It is a disaster waiting to happen and rumors aren't worth the risk losing your job over.

 

Don’t even date the guy thinking it will be a friend thing and it will end that way. Especially since you got two coming after you. It is all a game that will probably end with a nasty lie of a rumor that will do nothing but cause you stress on the job.

 

If you have to be cold about it do so. Even if you have to lie that you are seeing someone else outside of work

 

Dating a coworker isn’t worth the risk.

[monkey00]

Hey it happens...people flirt at work all the time with or without intentions. But in your case, just give them the cold shoulder. the problem with being friendly in work places is it gives hopes to guys like those that are hoping to get another shot with you. And all co-workers get together is one thing...a 1on1 thing is different.

[Guest]

I happen to have a short term memory. But for all sakes worth, I like to look at the Whole-Big picture. I project, the, 'What's all the fuss about"? In reality it only represents all the opportunity to act upon which makes for major mistakes. You make them, you pay them. Cover your a--!

 

We all use what to work was in the past to 'make it'. Even at others' expenxe. What this entails, is just. To make it or break it. So to speak. I have one in mind. Past, or a clean slate. No hostages. j/k/ !!! Somebody relate to this?! I know it presents a double duty scenerio...

 

At this time, I have chosen, I'm am not 50-5-3 any more. I have 24 hours to stop all nonsense that causes the wrong deemed to worse. I am prejudiced [figure of speech] Apology to those innocent.?

 

This also includes outside mattters of the heart. Why bother with those that have also been warned? Like we run in the same circles. I am not biased.

Just call me St. even.

 

And the call is up.

 

This is borrowed adjustment time spent. And I'm no longer emplokyed there.

 

The weekend is here and up. Good luck to those who fail and to those that are no longer there. This doesn't mean you; i.e. Press on!

 

At least that is what I was told. And to young to know any better, well I'm learning. or less said.

 

Seek your heart return. Don't give up!

 

Truthfully, I was told about LOVE. REalising I was just a fling, a whole, and a chance to make some money off of me, which hurt deeply. I did love at one life time. And my life continlues, doesn't it?

 

Say so long and count your blessings, hold on to your value and belief, or somebody will chance your will and try to take it all. Hmm, oh.

 

I count mine and I am still at theirs. Will it ever end?

JF-- -Help!

[Yamaha]

I happen to have a short term memory. But for all sakes worth, I like to look at the Whole-Big picture. I project, the, 'What's all the fuss about"? In reality it only represents all the opportunity to act upon which makes for major mistakes. You make them, you pay them. Cover your a--!

 

We all use what to work was in the past to 'make it'. Even at others' expenxe. What this entails, is just. To make it or break it. So to speak. I have one in mind. Past, or a clean slate. No hostages. j/k/ !!! Somebody relate to this?! I know it presents a double duty scenerio...

 

At this time, I have chosen, I'm am not 50-5-3 any more. I have 24 hours to stop all nonsense that causes the wrong deemed to worse. I am prejudiced [figure of speech] Apology to those innocent.?

 

This also includes outside mattters of the heart. Why bother with those that have also been warned? Like we run in the same circles. I am not biased.

Just call me St. even.

 

And the call is up.

 

This is borrowed adjustment time spent. And I'm no longer emplokyed there.

 

The weekend is here and up. Good luck to those who fail and to those that are no longer there. This doesn't mean you; i.e. Press on!

 

At least that is what I was told. And to young to know any better, well I'm learning. or less said.

 

Seek your heart return. Don't give up!

 

Truthfully, I was told about LOVE. REalising I was just a fling, a whole, and a chance to make some money off of me, which hurt deeply. I did love at one life time. And my life continlues, doesn't it?

 

Say so long and count your blessings, hold on to your value and belief, or somebody will chance your will and try to take it all. Hmm, oh.

 

I count mine and I am still at theirs. Will it ever end?

JF-- -Help!

 

 

WTF!!!! :confused:

[Outcast]

I think one of Dave's relatives just visited us.

[P1xie]

If you want to be looked at work as a professional you should never be flirtatious.

 

I couldn't even imagine. Are we that starved for attention that we have to go to work to flirt? There is a time and place for everything and work is not a place to be flirting even if it is "innocent".

 

I can tell you this men are just as bad when it comes to gossiping. It can get worse when they get rejected from the flirting they thought was more. Your innocent flirts, his hopes that they are sincere, your rejection, his retaliation if he is immature. In my eyes not worth it. Pretty soon you will be known as the office tramp.

 

This lady I will call her Priscilla was very flirtous and that is exactly what happen to her. Her superiors did not take her seriously. When the company had to layoff people, guess who was the first to go?

[SadandConfusedWA]

Well I'm already scared that people are not taking me seriously, neither women or men. The problem is that I have moved to a new city and don't know many people here so I took work to be a place to meet new people and hopefully make friends. However it seems that men tend to interpret me being friendly in a wrong way. I have been working here few months now and am not sure if it's too late to make changes so that people I work with will perceive me as a more of proffesional (sp?).

[MsArtful]

No, its not too late. Be polite and courteous, a little friendly if its your lunch hour, but otherwise buckle down and work hard to show them that you mean business *no pun intended* and they will be forced to take you seriously.

[P1xie]

How I handle people wanted to do things outside of work is I point blank tell them that I keep my personal life and work life separate.

 

I would keep working and stay clear from the flirting. Eventually if you act like a professional and work like one you will be treated as one.

 

As for making new friends, find activities or join a club, if you are religious find the church of your choice.

[stoopid_guy]

I couldn't even imagine. Are we that starved for attention that we have to go to work to flirt? There is a time and place for everything and work is not a place to be flirting even if it is "innocent".

We spend many hours a week at work, it's only natural to meet people in that environment. Much of it as to do with individuals involved and the company culture. If the individuals can keep it friendly and the company culture is relaxed, there's nothing wrong with it.

 

As far as meeting people at work; You automatically have something in common to talk about. You've probably had a chance to see this person in several different "moods," and not just the "let's impress my date" one. You know they're gainfully employeed.

 

Then think about; If it doesn't work, can you keep being friendly with the person? What's your history like in that area? How much do you really have to deal with them at work?

[P1xie]

Being friendly and being flirtatious are two different things. We spend a lot of time with our co-workers sometimes more at work than at home. It makes for a better work environment if you befriend your co-workers. It is too friendly when the co-worker thinks they have a chance to be-bed you.

 

I have gone outside of work with my co-workers. Let's say someone quits and we all go to a restaurant to say our good-byes. My boss has had little gatherings at his own home, barbeques, volleyball where we were asked to bring our families. It was a fun "FRIENDLY TIME".

[Keltie]

Guys have a tendency to see things into your actions just might mean nothing to you. Don't walk around on pins and needles about it. Just act the same way around everyone so it's not like your singling him out.

[directx]

Ok, here is what I would do.

Compare both men and find similar traits. Say, for example, they are both medium height and have hair. Next time you talk to them, tell them about a guy you just met and love because he's tall and bald. Add muscular even and how successful he is. In other words, make clear you like men that have traits that they do not!

If you want entertainment, make them traits that they might copy! Like say you like men with beards and see if they start growing beards!

 

Have fun with it! You can say to yourself 'Dance Monkey! Dance!' everytime you see them!