LovingLife Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 My new boyfriend is only a couple of years older than my son. He is 22, and I am 37 and am a mother of two sons 19, & 16. I’ve been widowed (their father) for 14 years now. Well this new boyfriend, we have been seeing each other for the past 4 months now. We did not start of thinking it would get serious, but we have both really fallen for one another. My children know him as one of my friends, and don’t know I’m dating him. They get along well with him and sometimes play basketball with him in the backyard and stuff like that. I am really like him. I wouldn’t have a problem introducing him to my children as my boyfriend if it was not for his age. I have had other boyfriends before and 3 of them actually lived in with us. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
stoopid_guy Posted July 29, 2006 Posted July 29, 2006 Congrats, LL. So how old does he look? When I was early twenties, I was always attracted to ladies in their late twenties and thirties. Growing a beard made it easier because it made me look older. Anyhow, your kids might think it a little strange, but you're an adult, he's an adult, so... When I was 24, I had a "thing" with a lady in her early 40s. The key reason we didn't pursue anything more wasn't age so much as stage of life. I did want to be a "daddy" some day, she definately didn't want more kids, so it never got past friendship and a few amazing nights. We're still friends, she's even our daughter's god-mother. Best of luck!
Author LovingLife Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 Congrats, LL. So how old does he look? When I was early twenties, I was always attracted to ladies in their late twenties and thirties. Growing a beard made it easier because it made me look older. Anyhow, your kids might think it a little strange, but you're an adult, he's an adult, so... When I was 24, I had a "thing" with a lady in her early 40s. The key reason we didn't pursue anything more wasn't age so much as stage of life. I did want to be a "daddy" some day, she definately didn't want more kids, so it never got past friendship and a few amazing nights. We're still friends, she's even our daughter's god-mother. Best of luck! Thanks St-Guy, Good to hear that you had also experienced something similar. He doesn't look boyish, if that's what you mean. He looks like a good looking young man. It not really awkward to see the both of us together, I look older than him, maybe by 6-7 years (i've been told this by my best friend, and she is brutally honest with me). He also wants kids with me and wants to marry me. I would like that too. I am not too old to have more kids. Many women have their first kids at my age now. We also didn't start off as a serious relationship. It was more of flirting, and later amazing nights, as you call it. But we found that we really fell for each other. We have been seeing each other exclusively and seriously for the last 4 months, and before that for 3 months.
Yamaha Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 I think the problem will surface down the road. When your 45, he'll be 30. When your 50, he'll be 35. Think about it. Sometimes love may not be enough.
quankanne Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 Has anyone else been in a similar situation? indirectly – my 22yoa nephew is playing house with a woman nearly twice his age (she's actually older than me), and it's tearing his mother apart having to deal with this. Frankly, we think the boy is just looking for someone to be his mommy since Sis moved back home and he stayed behind to complete college, though he's told his mother "he really respects and cares about her." sorry, but that dog don't hunt. you really need to put a halt to this relationship unless you're ready to deal with the fallout that's going to take place when his family learns about you. Because you will never, ever be accepted by his family; you will never gain their respect because of this relationship. the other concern is that you are a mature woman, while he isn't mature, period. He's just a boy, even if he is a nice guy and is good to you – he doesn't have the life experience you do, and sooner or later, that's going to affect your relationship. Do yourself a favor and find someone closer in age to you.
allina Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 ewwwww who are you to eww other people?? get a life.
Author LovingLife Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 you really need to put a halt to this relationship unless you're ready to deal with the fallout that's going to take place when his family learns about you. Because you will never, ever be accepted by his family; you will never gain their respect because of this relationship. I've already met his mother. You are right, she had some reservations against me initially. She enquired about me to his cousin (who works with me), etc. When we went to her house for lunch for the first time, she was polite but reserved. She then asked me to her place for lunch alone. There she gave me the third degree about what my intentions were and what my true feelings were to her son. She told me that she didn't want to see her son hurt. Once she was convinced about my intentions and feelings, she warmed upto me. Now she is very friendly with me, and we meet up atleast once a week alone for lunch, once a week for dinner at her place with my boyfriend.
Author LovingLife Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 who are you to eww other people?? get a life. Thanks..........
burning 4 revenge Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 i think a 22yo guy and 37yo woman sounds pretty hot. in my last relationship i was 31 and she was 37 and it was like i was the older one, both physically and mentally. she was just one of those women coming into her sexual prime late and it's like a lot of her emotions corresponded. 22 would be perfect for her. as for me, if i can finish this degree and get my finances straight, i would like someone over forty (i'm 32). men have been doing this thing for years and it was totally backwards i think. older woman/ younger man relationships strike me as much healthier
magichands Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 men have been doing this thing for years and it was totally backwards i think. older woman/ younger man relationships strike me as much healthier I agree with you there. Especially when women live maybe a decade longer.
Mary3 Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 I say DO what makes you happy. No-one can live your life for you.
SoleMate Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 My boyfriend is 7 years younger than me (I'm 43, he's 36). Funny how we talk about these as huge differences...and yet if the sexes were reversed, nobody would even bat an eye! I suggest you evaluate this r/s the same way you would any other one...are you happy together, does he take careful attention about your feelings, are his actions consistent, does he let you meet all his friends, do you have interests in common, etc. ...ewwwww... I consider your supposed distaste irrational. These are two human beings who love each other. They're both young! He's just a little younger than her. What exactly could someone find so nauseating about that?
newbby Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 maybe talk to your sons about it, and see how they react. youre only going to know how they feel by doing this. you cant guess. other than that, it sounds good, and sounds like you deserve it, so go for it.
stoopid_guy Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 ewwwww And don't worry about what others think. If it wasn't age difference, it would be "too fat/skinny/tall/short/dark/light/many tattoos/etc" Your family/friends and his family/friends are the only ones that matter. And maybe he should talk to your sons, something like "Your mom is really sweet" and take it from there.
Author LovingLife Posted July 30, 2006 Author Posted July 30, 2006 Thank you, everyone for your understanding. I thought after the first post, I would be trashed in this thread. But I am so happy that you guys are able to understand. Also, maybe talk to your sons about it, and see how they react. youre only going to know how they feel by doing this. you cant guess. other than that, it sounds good, and sounds like you deserve it, so go for it. Your family/friends and his family/friends are the only ones that matter. And maybe he should talk to your sons, something like "Your mom is really sweet" and take it from there. That was my entire problem. My problem is not with our relationship, or with his family or friends, or my friends. It is how to ease my children into the situation. Honestly, I would be crushed if they gave me a reaction similar to the first poster. St-Guy gave a suggestion on one way of getting the ball rolling. It sounds like an idea. Essentially, I am scared if my children will reject him, or this relationship. I am looking for suggestions on how that part can be handled.
stoopid_guy Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 That was my entire problem. My problem is not with our relationship, or with his family or friends, or my friends. It is how to ease my children into the situation. Honestly, I would be crushed if they gave me a reaction similar to the first poster. St-Guy gave a suggestion on one way of getting the ball rolling. It sounds like an idea. Essentially, I am scared if my children will reject him, or this relationship. I am looking for suggestions on how that part can be handled. My guess is that "easing them in" to the idea is key. They have to know first that he respects you and likes you. Just curious, do they see him more as an adult or as a peer?
Guest Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 just the fact that her bf almost the same age as her son sounds kinda creepy
Guest Posted July 30, 2006 Posted July 30, 2006 There was a similar thread about easing children into adult relationships. Maybe you can get some ideas, I dont know- but there's the thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t82544/
Author LovingLife Posted July 31, 2006 Author Posted July 31, 2006 My guess is that "easing them in" to the idea is key. They have to know first that he respects you and likes you. That is what I thought too. Thats why I came here looking for advice. I really know how important it is. Just curious, do they see him more as an adult or as a peer? Quite honestly, I dont know. All I know is that they get on well with each other. I do not know how my children percieve my boyfriend. And "Guest", Thanks a lot for your reference to the other LS thread. Even though it was about another single mom my age, it was not a similar situation. She didnt want permanent relationships. But saying that, that thread gave me a lot of insights, because several of those issues are very relavant to me, and the advice invaluable... Thanks.
quankanne Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 My boyfriend is 7 years younger than me (I'm 43, he's 36). Funny how we talk about these as huge differences...and yet if the sexes were reversed, nobody would even bat an eye seven years isn't as huge an age gap as 15, especially when you've got kids close in age to your boyfriend. Which adds an element of surrealism. Whether it's an older man with a younger lover or vice versa. It's a whole other ballgame than an age gap of a few years.
rina_r Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Do what your heart tells you. It is all very personal: for some it works, for some it does not. But if you do not try - you will never know.
bab Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 If it weren't for your sons, I would say that you are both adults, so go for it. But the reality is, that your 19 year old might have some SERIOUS issues with this. You've got to make sure that he's okay with it first. Yes, the three year difference between 19 and 22 is a significant one, but in a few years, these guys could be college friends. I think you need to talk to your son about this. It might be that he's okay with it. You need to let him know that you are concerned about how he would take it, and just that gesture might be enough for your son to be okay with the situation.
blind_otter Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 My boyfriend is 7 years younger than me (I'm 43, he's 36). Funny how we talk about these as huge differences...and yet if the sexes were reversed, nobody would even bat an eye! That's bullsh*t. I have an on again/off again relationship with a man who is 9 years older than me and I constantly hear comments about the age difference. Anyways, 15 years is a huge amount of time. 22 years old is not the time when ANYONE knows what they're going to do with their life. And few people IME are ready to make a lifetime committment at this age. IN addition you must be aware that after 35 the chances of conceiving a baby with downs syndrome increases every year. So be very sure about planning if you want to have children. But it IS an issue. My Dad is 22 years older than my mom and she has devoted the most vital years of her life, IMO, to taking care of an elderly man who loves her, but think about it. The years of her life where you are dating a younger man, my mom was taking care of an old dude. And your young man will be in the same boat when you're 65 and he's 50.
a4a Posted July 31, 2006 Posted July 31, 2006 Unless this young man is mature beyond his years at the age of 22.............................. well there is no way that he is at an emotional maturity level that could be equal to that of a woman that is that much older as the OP is. Think about who you were at 22 years old.......
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