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The first person I ever loved just got married...


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Sadistic_Life

Okay, so the first person (and only girl) I have ever loved just went to Canada and married the girl who she started dating right after me. I was 14 when I met her, and we could never be together because of my age (she was 18), and we saw eachother up until I was 17, but dealing with my mom got to be too much for her (she had refused to let me see her), so she stopped seeing me. Anyway, after I turned 18 we started talking again as friends. Since our time together she had been dating a woman who was older than her, and they have now been together for four years. They just got married this past weekend.

 

So, you would think I would be really happy for her. We are really good friends, and I know now that I am not a lesbian (at 14 I was really confused, not to mention the issues I had with my father), so I shouldn't be jealous, but I am. I am pissed that she couldn't wait a year for me to turn 18, and I am pissed that she married the first girl she started dating after me. It's like, why couldn't/wouldn't she wait? Was I not good enough for her? Now it makes me think that I am not good enough for anyone, or worth waiting for. I don't know what is wrong with me...I can't believe that this is effecting me like it is :(.

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Considering that you're not a lesbian after all, would have figured that while with her, and probably made both of you unhappy isn't it kind of crazy to be mad at her? I think you're just frustrated that somebody from your life is now happily paired off and you're not. Try to rise above such feelings. Life turns out as it should. There's someone much better down the road for you.

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Sadistic_Life
Considering that you're not a lesbian after all, would have figured that while with her, and probably made both of you unhappy isn't it kind of crazy to be mad at her? I think you're just frustrated that somebody from your life is now happily paired off and you're not. Try to rise above such feelings. Life turns out as it should. There's someone much better down the road for you.

 

I'm not mad...more hurt really. It's just like, what was wrong with me that she couldn't wait? I didn't know I wasn't a lesbian at the time, so what is her excuse? I know that it is for the best, but you are right in saying that it bothers me that she is happily married to the first person she met after me, and I have yet to even date someone who I have cared about as much as I did her.

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Why must people think there's 'something wrong with them'? People are all different and want different things. You weren't a perfect match for her because you're someone else's perfect match. She happened to luck into her perfect match just after you. Life's like that.

 

You don't know what's in their future. Maybe one of them will be struck by illness or by a bus. Maybe you'll be deliriously happy with your someone. So quit being jealous - you'll make yourself crazy wanting what you don't have.

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