Author luckypanda Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 I definitely won't be turning down other dates while I see if our friendship turns into anything. But he's been holding on pretty hard, with all the time we've been spending together along with all the phone calls. Like I said, we'll see though...I won't be passive anymore. Also, we share a common best friend. When I spoke to him last night he said that he can't tell me the details of why, but that the guy in question is ready for commitment, and will do so once our college classes resume again. ...does this mean anything? Link to post Share on other sites
TJettman Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 If he is that ready for commitment, why the hell is he waiting for class to start? What's he doing now that's more important than that? I'm sorry, I'm a guy and this sounds fishy to me. I take it you both are in your late teens early twenties. Man, I'm telling you, you don't know what you love or what you want yet. I promise you. I was there right before I got married when I was 25. That was 7 short years ago. It has been hell!!! And now here I am at 32 and I'm just now starting to see what I want for real. Don't box yourself into this. Don't let this fool drag you along. I don't mean to be so over-dramatic but this is some serious ****. Make sure you get everything in your life the way you want it before you let someone come in and put their feet up on the furniture. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Also, we share a common best friend. When I spoke to him last night he said that he can't tell me the details of why, but that the guy in question is ready for commitment, and will do so once our college classes resume again. ...does this mean anything? That doesn't make any sense to me at all. I can't come up with a single reason why he can't be in a relationship with you now, but would want to make a commitment once classes start. What kind of commitment? Dating hardly needs a major commitment. Well, actually, I can come up with reasons, but none of them are good ones...he's got an STD he needs to treat, he's seeing someone else who will be going away come September... Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Maybe he's taking a commitment class. But I would wait to see the A before I jump in to anything. Link to post Share on other sites
Author luckypanda Posted August 1, 2006 Author Share Posted August 1, 2006 What kind of commitment? Dating hardly needs a major commitment. To him, being in a relationship is akin to being engaged. It's strange, but thats just the way he is I guess, hence, him wanting some time to lick the wounds of his 3 year relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
TJettman Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 I think that is BS. I don't know the two of you, but it sure sounds to me like you are catering to him. I know, I'm a dumbass who does that. It sucks. It's demeaning and demoralizing. Don't do that. What's he waiting for? Like Norajane said, does he have crabs or something? Come on. Wait till classes?!?! Does he live far away? He definitely wants a relationship with you? He's enthusiastic about it? Man, I just don't get it on his part. I'm not even part of this or gay either and I'm frustrated. I know you must be. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 I think that is BS. I don't know the two of you, but it sure sounds to me like you are catering to him. I know, I'm a dumbass who does that. It sucks. It's demeaning and demoralizing. Don't do that. What's he waiting for? Like Norajane said, does he have crabs or something? Come on. Wait till classes?!?! Does he live far away? He definitely wants a relationship with you? He's enthusiastic about it? Man, I just don't get it on his part. I'm not even part of this or gay either and I'm frustrated. I know you must be. I concur ! Total BS !! The " I don't want a relationship right now " really means :" I don't want a relationship with YOU " The " I need space right now " really means I need space from YOU. I don't know what I want really means " I don't want anything further with YOU. ALL CLASSIC signs of a breakup. Sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 oh my god are you dating the same person as me???!!! (re he sees dating similar to being engaged, I don't want to be engaged to him I just want to date him and see where things go) Dam men, dam friends, dam friends with benefits, dam him not wanting a relationship right now..... I know I went in with my eyes open... the attention was nice, I know it's not going anywhere and I know that the 'I don't want a relationship right now' is code for 'i don't want a relationship with you cause if some dam hot chick walked past right now I'd be more than capable of forming a relationship and getting my **** together and being committed to her.' bugger bugger bugger. I agree with others, why is he waiting for classes to start back.. that seems a tad odd... a delaying tactic. For me... the said guy in question leaves the country tomorrow (HOORAY) for at least a month. I'm quite relieved because it couldn't continue. I feel like i've let the 'friends with benefits' go these last 2 weeks because I knew he was leaving and wanted to have some fun, emotional initmacy before he left. Will it hurt, dam straight it will. Am I prepared - yep weekend all lined up to be busy. Will I contact him - beta your arse I wont (well I'll try not to). Sorry to sort of steal the thread... I feel better now. I agree with others - don't be passive, speak up and voice your wants. If he can't meet them then you have to cut your losses, don't put up with crap or lousy excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
TJettman Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 oh my god are you dating the same person as me???!!! (re he sees dating similar to being engaged, I don't want to be engaged to him I just want to date him and see where things go) Dam men, dam friends, dam friends with benefits, dam him not wanting a relationship right now..... I know I went in with my eyes open... the attention was nice, I know it's not going anywhere and I know that the 'I don't want a relationship right now' is code for 'i don't want a relationship with you cause if some dam hot chick walked past right now I'd be more than capable of forming a relationship and getting my **** together and being committed to her.' bugger bugger bugger. I agree with others, why is he waiting for classes to start back.. that seems a tad odd... a delaying tactic. For me... the said guy in question leaves the country tomorrow (HOORAY) for at least a month. I'm quite relieved because it couldn't continue. I feel like i've let the 'friends with benefits' go these last 2 weeks because I knew he was leaving and wanted to have some fun, emotional initmacy before he left. Will it hurt, dam straight it will. Am I prepared - yep weekend all lined up to be busy. Will I contact him - beta your arse I wont (well I'll try not to). Sorry to sort of steal the thread... I feel better now. I agree with others - don't be passive, speak up and voice your wants. If he can't meet them then you have to cut your losses, don't put up with crap or lousy excuses. As far as I'm concerned, don't worry about taking over this thread. This place is for all of us who need to let it out. Link to post Share on other sites
bella_girl Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Ok then... I was signed in as Guest before... So the guy in question left the country this morning... How do I feel... well ok and confused and a bit sad... We had a lovely night together, I feel kind of lucky to have spent his last night with him. I went with my own advice, I wasn't passive I told him that I want to be his girlfriend. So at least he knows how I feel but all he said was 'yes i know.' However the situation is not helped by him being away for the next 4 weeks, coming back for 10 days with his brother and then travelling for the next 6 months, ultimately to end up in a different country. *sigh* For the record we met around 2 years ago in Australia, had great chemistry. Met again in the UK, both been here a year. We were both in relationships when we arrived. Both our relationships broke up late last year and we started hanging out and flirting more. He wasn't ready for a relationship and wanted to keep our friendship together. I accepted his request... until I told him 2 weeks ago about a date I was invited on... he said 'serves me right' and said he was very jealous! That's what started that last 2 weeks of friends with benefits. *sigh* I think he's wonderful.... (just a bit smitten) but it's not exactly stable relationship material there... He said he'd call when he arrives in his home country (in 10 hours) but I'm going to try to delay contacting him as long as I can. He knows how I feel about him and i need some space right now. So busy-ness here I come. I do think we'll cross paths again (well in a month) but I'm not sure what those circumstances will be or even which country!! To Luckypanda... don't settle for what you don't want... I said to the guy in question that it's like being given the keys to the chocolate shop you know you'll get sick from eating so many but it's hard to stop... FWB is similar it all seems lovely at the time but emotionally it's a very hard thing to take. If he needs space to recover from his previous relationship perhaps its best to let him have that and then come to you without baggage... if he decides to. And for you - you have to do what's best for you... Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Maybe he's taking a commitment class. But I would wait to see the A before I jump in to anything. Nah, he's probably a grade grubber who's going to cheat on the exam... Seriously, blow this turkey out of the water with a 20-20! And what's a turkey doing in the water in the first place??! Link to post Share on other sites
TJettman Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 "Heavily medicated for your safety." I know this is off the subject, but I just have to say that is beautiful. I'm gonna use that if you don't mind. Link to post Share on other sites
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