dating advice

[cinsi]

Hey I am recently single and just getting into the dating scene. I met a guy online and we emailed back and forth a several times, and then we went on two dates. After we had the second date I went to see his house. He was showing me the house and before turning on the light of one of the rooms he says "oh- i have to tell you I have a daughter, this is her room". I was not upset at the time, but later decided that he should have been more upfront with me and told me about his kid before we even met. He did have plenty of time to tell me.

 

I sent him an email explaining that he should have been upfront about it and that I did not wish to see him again. Was I too quick to judge him? He wrote me back and apologized and said that honesty is important to him and he is just very private about his daughter, and dosent tell people about her until he knows them.

 

Should I just forget about him or should I accept his apology? Isnt it a big deal to have a kid- something that a person you are dating should know right away? His kid is 14 if that makes a difference.

 

thanks!

[Elle]

I can see your point. My boyfriend of 3 months has a 7-year old son. We also met online, and the introduction picture he sent to me was one where he was with his boy. This told me right away that dating this man would be a "package deal", and that his son is an extremely important part of his life and who he is. It set the stage right away.

 

Having said that, I can also try and see the other side of the medal. Perhaps this guy you met had had some unfortunate experiences before, where the fact that he had a daughter freaked out his potential mates. Things happen and people react in very strange ways sometimes, so he was just being cautious. I think I can understand that, knowing how protective my boyfriend is about his son.

 

Better question is: can YOU understand? You more or less told him to take a hike. You were understandably upset and taken aback. But do you like him? And do you like him enough to reconsider and to move past this? Is there some potential there for a relationship to develop? Obviously, if you resume seeing him, you have to explain to him how upset you were and why, to let him know that if there are other things he is keeping in the closet, he's better off to "come clean" with them. Trust is the fundamental basis of any relationship (sorry for a cliche).

 

Search within yourself. Is he worth making the effort?

 

Good luck!

Hey I am recently single and just getting into the dating scene. I met a guy online and we emailed back and forth a several times, and then we went on two dates. After we had the second date I went to see his house. He was showing me the house and before turning on the light of one of the rooms he says "oh- i have to tell you I have a daughter, this is her room". I was not upset at the time, but later decided that he should have been more upfront with me and told me about his kid before we even met. He did have plenty of time to tell me. I sent him an email explaining that he should have been upfront about it and that I did not wish to see him again. Was I too quick to judge him? He wrote me back and apologized and said that honesty is important to him and he is just very private about his daughter, and dosent tell people about her until he knows them. Should I just forget about him or should I accept his apology? Isnt it a big deal to have a kid- something that a person you are dating should know right away? His kid is 14 if that makes a difference. thanks!

[Jodie]

It only matters if he has a daughter if it matters to you. It may just be that he finds women who find out he has a child may not give him a chance.

 

It may also be that he may not have thought he had to tell you until he thought there may have been some future in the relationship.

 

It all depends on how you feel about this guy though, and also how you feel about his reluctance to tell you about his daughter.

 

If you seriously want to see him again it may be an idea to tell him that you will give it another go, but warn him that if he lies to you again, you will leave him.

Hey I am recently single and just getting into the dating scene. I met a guy online and we emailed back and forth a several times, and then we went on two dates. After we had the second date I went to see his house. He was showing me the house and before turning on the light of one of the rooms he says "oh- i have to tell you I have a daughter, this is her room". I was not upset at the time, but later decided that he should have been more upfront with me and told me about his kid before we even met. He did have plenty of time to tell me. I sent him an email explaining that he should have been upfront about it and that I did not wish to see him again. Was I too quick to judge him? He wrote me back and apologized and said that honesty is important to him and he is just very private about his daughter, and dosent tell people about her until he knows them. Should I just forget about him or should I accept his apology? Isnt it a big deal to have a kid- something that a person you are dating should know right away? His kid is 14 if that makes a difference. thanks!