sugarcane05 Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Okay so my boyfriend and I of a year and half broke up almost exactly a month ago. A long time ago he told me he would baby sit with me this past weekend because I had to stay the night. We hung out and fought the first part of Friday night but later that night he asked me if I wanted to go to a movie on Sunday. I told him yeah and then Saturday we took the kids to the pool. He flirted around a lot there (poking, teasing etc.) Later that night we ended up at the same party, he messed around with me constantly making advances at touching me, (pats messing with my hair poking etc.) So yesterday we ended back at the pool together. Next Tuesday I thought there was a concert that we had tickets to. We planned the concert for next Tuesday and planned the movie for tonight. When he found out the concert was Tomorrow he was like let's not do the movie tommorrow. Maybe we can do it later this week. When I asked him why, he explained that, that defeated the purpose of being single. I thought he was making advances at getting back together but maybe not? I am so confused what is going on with this guy?????? Link to post Share on other sites
Kengne Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Okay so my boyfriend and I of a year and half broke up almost exactly a month ago. A long time ago he told me he would baby sit with me this past weekend because I had to stay the night. We hung out and fought the first part of Friday night but later that night he asked me if I wanted to go to a movie on Sunday. I told him yeah and then Saturday we took the kids to the pool. He flirted around a lot there (poking, teasing etc.) Later that night we ended up at the same party, he messed around with me constantly making advances at touching me, (pats messing with my hair poking etc.) So yesterday we ended back at the pool together. Next Tuesday I thought there was a concert that we had tickets to. We planned the concert for next Tuesday and planned the movie for tonight. When he found out the concert was Tomorrow he was like let's not do the movie tommorrow. Maybe we can do it later this week. When I asked him why, he explained that, that defeated the purpose of being single. I thought he was making advances at getting back together but maybe not? I am so confused what is going on with this guy?????? Sugarcane - you read too much into his actions. Just because he was joking around and messing with you does NOT mean he wants to get back together. He could have even told you he missed you - and STILL NOT want to get back together again. You need to not assume things when you hang out, and LISTEN to him e.g. when he said abt not wanting to do the movie because it defeats the point of being single. What does that tell you? All this casual hanging around, joking etc is just that = CASUAL. If he ever wants to get back with you - he will be CLEAR and VOCAL abt his feelings. You will not have to read & overanalyze into his innocuous actions like you just did. I know it hurts - but I think perhaps you guys need to hang out less, until you can do so w/o reading into it. Because clearly - right now he is happy being single, having his options open - and also having you there on the side as a friend whom he can hang out with when he gets bored. He's having his cake, and eating it too - and you're the only one getting hurt. Stop the madness. Good luck! K. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarcane05 Posted July 31, 2006 Author Share Posted July 31, 2006 Okay, I really felt you were very rude about your reply. And the things he has been doing is a huge change. His thing was when we broke up, that he wanted to spend time apart. In the beginning we hung out some because I initiated it. After a while I told him I was very confused. His reply was that I was iniatiating it. So I stopped, I was sad for a while but I wanted to give him time to miss me. About a week ago I started doing so much better. I was going out with my girlfriends and even dating a little bit. A couple of days ago, he asked questions about what I'd been doing and I answered discreetly but honest, letting him know I was doing fine. Then all the sudden he was flirting with me, asking me to do things, calling me more often. It was cold to hot in a matter of hours- quicker than our break up which was very fast. And CLEARLY he is not happy, don't ASSUME things without knowing the whole story because he goes everywhere alone and he even told me he was unhappy citing the reason as him not having friends. Then he goes and tells me last night that he's been a lot happier the past couple of days. Which had been the time we had been hanging out. He knows what he's doing when he's flirting, he knows what he's doing when he's asking me to do things. If there are not intentions of something there, I think it must just be pathetic attempt to re-gain control of me. I asked for opinions but I prefer one not so rude next time if your gonna bother replying. Link to post Share on other sites
johnnytable Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 Rude? I think that you were just getting the straight up truth which is what you should want around here. Honestly you need to get away from this person for awhile to clear your head. Link to post Share on other sites
daphne Posted July 31, 2006 Share Posted July 31, 2006 I think Kenge's right but there's more to it than what he wrote. Your ex perceives you're moving on so he starts to get a little nervous. He wants reassurance that you still want him, as a sort of safety net. He flirts with you, leads you on, and sends you mixed signals to keep you around. If he doesn't flat out say that he wants to get back together, he doesn't want to get back together. All of the other nonsense he's pulling is just hanging out and passing time. If I were in your shoes, I would stay away from your ex for a while. 60 days minimum. He won't really miss you and see what he's taking for granted until he doesn't have you anymore. Boys and men are just like that. If you hang out with him and let him feel comfortable while you're insecure, it's much more likely that he'll find someone else while he's still comfortable. Don't do that to yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarcane05 Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 So tonight from what I hear we are going to be at the same club. (Small town hard to not be around eachother) how should that be handled? Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarcane05 Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 So last night we went to a movie, I was feeling a little confused and I flat out confonted him about it. I asked him why does he want to hang out all the sudden. And he was just like "when we first broke up I just felt we needed time apart and now I feel like it's been long enough, I haven't ruled out getting back together but we're young and there is no reason to rush back into things. I wanna build it up not throw it together like before." How should I be going about things at this point? No contact? Hanging out? not hanging out? Answering texts, calls? calling- Texting- can i do it or should I wait on him? Link to post Share on other sites
destination_unknown Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Do you really wanna put so much effort into someone who "hasn't ruled out getting back together"? If he truly wanted to "build things up" you would be together, not waiting in the wings wondering how you can get him back. Go on some more dates til you find someone who doesn't have to think about if they want to be with you. You deserve more. Link to post Share on other sites
johnnytable Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Ya this is BS. He is stringing you along and doesn't know what he wants. Go out with somebody else. Link to post Share on other sites
Author sugarcane05 Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 I would love to, but it doesn't work that way. I was doing really well single, until he had to come back and up root me again. I kind of put myself back in 'girlfriend mode' the day he started coming around. I think I'm gonna go back into living my life the way I was, because I was happy, and that was fun. NOt as fun as him, but I don't think this is an option right now. I just hate to think he would do this to me. Not real caring. But this is a re-occurring answer. Link to post Share on other sites
cantshakethelove Posted August 12, 2006 Share Posted August 12, 2006 Sugarcane - you read too much into his actions. Just because he was joking around and messing with you does NOT mean he wants to get back together. He could have even told you he missed you - and STILL NOT want to get back together again. You need to not assume things when you hang out, and LISTEN to him e.g. when he said abt not wanting to do the movie because it defeats the point of being single. What does that tell you? All this casual hanging around, joking etc is just that = CASUAL. If he ever wants to get back with you - he will be CLEAR and VOCAL abt his feelings. You will not have to read & overanalyze into his innocuous actions like you just did. I know it hurts - but I think perhaps you guys need to hang out less, until you can do so w/o reading into it. Because clearly - right now he is happy being single, having his options open - and also having you there on the side as a friend whom he can hang out with when he gets bored. He's having his cake, and eating it too - and you're the only one getting hurt. Stop the madness. Good luck! K. This statement is neither rude nor false, it just isnt what you want to hear. You have have to get past wishful thinking and stop reading into too much. There may be hope but without some form of communication projecting this across, you need not to worry about a relationship yet. Take things slow but do not get your hopes up. Link to post Share on other sites
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