if you truly want to say goodbye

[fireflywy]

I can't recommend that anyone else here does what I did. My relationship, my resolve, and my mechanisms for coping are totally different than anyone elses here.

 

One of the reasons why I wrote what i wrote is because I'm reading a book called the "Four Agreements." In that book they talk about words as having power. We can either use or words to curse someone, thus hurting them in various ways, or we can use our words to show who we truly are. We can even label people without them ever knowning and thus carry around a poison which effects our future relationships. It does damage to ourselves. I know that there were moments on this very board where I once called her cruel and heartless, but for me that is a type of poison. I don't want that in my life. She's not cruel and heartless, she just is what she is.

 

There is also another part of the book that discusses not taking things personal. If she doesn't respond to me, then she doesn't. If she is angry, than she is. Those are her own internal mechanisms for dealing. In a sense, the book talks about people as mirrors. If I send out light to someone in one way it's going to be reflected back to me. If I send it out to her, and it bounces off the mirror, then I still see myself in the action I did as it reflected back to me. If I send out the same light, and she returns it, I still see myself in the mirror reflected back from her because she may return the same respect and grace. If I hold onto a grudge, hold onto thinking she's cruel and heartless, everytime I see her, I'll feel that anger reflected back to me. Make sense?

 

For herself, she may have difficulty seeing what was being sent, but in time, she may also understand it and learn from it.

 

This is not to say that I don't learn from relationships or let that I let someone walk all over me. I can still have my boundaries, my needs, desires, and wants. This also doesn't mean that I can avoid all conflict or take a principled stand when the cause is called for. If I disagree with someone and I send it out, and I truly believe where I stand, people may either respect it, and reflect back their respect, or it may bounce off but I can still view my own self respect one way or the other. In doing so, I also understand that I'm a mirror to other people as well. In that way, we are all the same.

 

For me, putting it in these terms, has made a world of difference.

 

Either way, I feel that by offering my peace, I'm being true to myself and to my core. I learn to be a better a human because I see myself more clearly in the mirror. That strengthens me for future journeys and the next person who steps into my life. For me, I believe it's healing.

 

P.S. lol. I'm not as eloquent as Rio. (you're the best by the way!)

[riobikini]

fireflywy:

 

-Rio

[Ariadne]

Hi.

 

It was cathartic. No response to it and it feels good that I could say it.

 

Well, good luck. Hope she responds to you.

 

Ariadne

[MassiveAtom]

Well..I have already sent it. <snip>It's about doing something right for me. If she doesn't respond, its okay. If she rages at me, it's okay because that's where she is. I'm not.

 

Well said. Now move on. With a heart like that and an open mind to learning about yourself, you'll find her. And she'll be SO happy you did all this work. Your last relationship has changed forever. Enjoy that you've gotten so far through the process, and celebrate your new peace. Buy yourself something cool and fun!

 

Congrats!

 

be well.

 

MA

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

we can still grasp a few reasonable conclusions based on specific human behavior patterns and avoid...

 

Nah, that's just part of the new science that you guys are trying to develop here.

 

I rather go through my life doing what I want and without harming anyone.

 

Ariadne

__________________

♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥ ~ ♥

[fireflywy]

I'm still feeling really really good. I didn't get hit by the "back to day one" bullet. Since a few people asked about how I'm doing, I thought I'd let you know.

 

anyways..

 

Cheers,

Fireflywyo

[Trimmer]

I'm still feeling really really good. I didn't get hit by the "back to day one" bullet. Since a few people asked about how I'm doing, I thought I'd let you know.

Thanks for the update, and I hope you keep flying high. It seems like you had a pretty good and honest grasp of your motivations and expectations, so I'm sure that served you well. I think people get into trouble when they do something, convincing themselves it's for a great sounding reason on the surface, but don't consider what's really going on underneath...