Your reasons to stay married?

[JamesM]

If jewelry worked, I would have broken into a jewelry store!! Sadly, it never got me much. Diamond neckalces, sapphire rings, diamond tennis bracelet...no, these never got me more sex.

 

Why do I love her and want to stay married to her? Since you ask at a good time in marriage it is easier to answer. Because she is my friend, lover, and soulmate. Because I admire her qualities and skils. Because I love the look in her eyes...and I would miss her smile. And yes, we have children that I must strive to set an example for.

 

But above all, I stay married to her because I said that I would. It has not always been easy. It certainly has not always been fun, but do it I will.

 

My question after reading some of the responses here is...why does our partner stay married to us?

[HokeyReligions]

I am starting to wonder if the desire to get a new dog is just another way of avoiding divorce for a short time.

 

That struck a chord with me. Two of my dogs came to us (and we knew it at the time) as a binding-tie - we couldn't divorce and do that to the dogs! The dogs do hold us together. No different from parents who stay together for the kids. We have that love for them in common and that sustains us even when we also want to choke the other one!

 

Other reasons:

 

That slow siren song of familiar faces and established routines. Basically apathy. Neither of us are healthy enough or wealthy enough to go it alone, although one of us will be alone sooner than we want - health-wise.

 

Its just easier together. And we do love each other, but its a comfort love - not a passionate love.

[a4a]

 

My question after reading some of the responses here is...why does our partner stay married to us?

 

Because they are getting their needs and desires met. But when you are not getting your own needs and desires met it causes resentment eventually in most cases.

 

I think if you base the reason for staying married on the idea/statement that you said that you would, and that alone, both partners will end up miserable.

[a4a]

poof this thread makes me realize my H is indeed special!

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t95176/

[Mz. Pixie]

If jewelry worked, I would have broken into a jewelry store!! Sadly, it never got me much. Diamond neckalces, sapphire rings, diamond tennis bracelet...no, these never got me more sex.

 

 

Eh, he doesn't have to gift me with jewelry to get sex- are you kidding me?? I'm constantly chasing after HIM! He does it because he knows I LOVE it. He has really good taste too fortunately for me!

 

James, I love your answer "Because I said I would" How awesome is that?? You're a catch!

[bab]

I think if you base the reason for staying married on the idea/statement that you said that you would, and that alone, both partners will end up miserable.

 

 

Sure, if that is your only reason for the life of the marriage. I imagine that there are times in every marriage where people want out. "Because I said I would" helps people get through those times, and put in the effort to make what they've got better.

[JamesM]

Yes, a4a, that statement does sounds very cold and loveless...even to me when I read it.

 

But I believe that it is a comfort as well. I love my wife with all my heart. She is everything to me...best friend, lover, and yes, she meets my needs. And for the most part, I knwo that I meet her needs....someone that accepts her for who she is, etc,etc.

 

As bab said, there are times...and since it was recently...that BOTH of us had no "feelings" for each other. I know she didn't either because she told me so. What was good to know was that we said over sixteen years ago, that we would stick with each other. We would stay committed. That is what I meant.

 

Now, I know that the bad times do end, and the feelings of love return. Now the fog has lifted and I now see all of the qualities that i have always loved.

[a4a]

Yes, a4a, that statement does sounds very cold and loveless...even to me when I read it.

 

But I believe that it is a comfort as well. I love my wife with all my heart. She is everything to me...best friend, lover, and yes, she meets my needs. And for the most part, I knwo that I meet her needs....someone that accepts her for who she is, etc,etc.

 

As bab said, there are times...and since it was recently...that BOTH of us had no "feelings" for each other. I know she didn't either because she told me so. What was good to know was that we said over sixteen years ago, that we would stick with each other. We would stay committed. That is what I meant.

 

Now, I know that the bad times do end, and the feelings of love return. Now the fog has lifted and I now see all of the qualities that i have always loved.

 

 

So you just needed a good kick in the ass to open your eyes!?

[jonesgirly]

A4a....I can't even construct a legible sentence with that damn picture of yours next to your posts.

[RecordProducer]

Most husbands are only happy when they KNOW they can make their wife happy.

If they fail in this area - they will always feel inadequate...

- they really do just want us to be happy - and that - in turn - makes them happy and they feel validated... and important.

This is sooooo true. I've noticed it long time ago, but nobody pays attention to me. Let's lobby for sweet wives who will manipulate their hubbies!

 

Just kidding (1/2). You are totally right, but it's not so simple to achieve that and you can't fake happiness.

 

Anyway, I want to stay with hubby cuz:

 

1. I am in love with him.

2. He is a wonderful husband (with his own quirks and imperfections)

3. He is sweet, kind, generous, smart, respectful, outgoing, compassionate, honorable, faithful, and never raises his voice.

4. We have similar interests in life.

 

and most of all

 

5. He adores my children and they him. I could never ever find anyone to replace him in their lives. I wouldn't want them to live without him.