Relationship with a Coworker

[Guest]

First, I need to preface my current situation. I graduated from college a little over a year ago, and found an amazing job in a large city. It was a huge change for me, as I grew up in a rural area and attended a small school, but I loved it. My job was going amazingly well, too - the company I work for is predominantly young professionals like myself. We work long hours and are often travelling in groups, so it doesn't take long before your co-workers become more like close friends. This appeared perfect to me, because I didn't know many people in the city I moved to and I was instantly networked with a huge group of people that had the same motivations and interests as I did.

 

About 3 months after I started my job, I met a coworker we'll call Luke, who has been with the company 3 years. Luke is an attractive, single guy with a great sense of humor. He also happens to be a bit of a flirt. At our initial meeting, we barely talked, but I obviously made an impression on him. Soon, I found myself getting IM's from him on our company's network, which were very rarely work related. Not risque; just talking about music, movies, funny stories, etc. I found it strange that he was reaching out like this to me, especially because we had seen each other maybe once since our initial meeting, but shrugged it off. I knew he was a flirt, and didn't want to get caught up in it.

 

As the weeks went by, the IMing continued. Sometimes it would be once a week, while other times it would be three or four times a week. I still managed to keep up my productivity, however my mind had started wandering. I couldn't deny our chemistry, and we just seemed to understand each other, mostly because we came from similar backgrounds. I started developing a little office crush, which I determined would probably last a little while and then go away. I didn't know if he felt the same, but the more I looked at his behavior around me, it definitely seemed that he was pursuing me.

 

To make a long story short, I ended up drinking a bit too much at an office event that Luke was at. Luke and I flirted and talked for a long time at the event, and when I got home, I called him and left a message that it was clear to me that he liked me, and that he should do something about it. I regretted that move in the morning, and he called me to discuss what I had said. We both agreed that we didn't really want to date someone from work, but that we wanted to be friends with each other because we did get along so well. Our company does allow interoffice dating, so long as it isn't a reporting relationship. This was not a problem for us because, although he is in a superior role, he does not oversee any of the projects that I am assigned to.

 

I thought the whole thing would end there, but was I ever wrong. That was nearly 6 months ago and honestly, I think the situation may be worse now than it was then. Luke continues to flirt with me and talk to me over IM. I stopped IMing him a while ago, so every conversation we've had recently has been started by him. He also continues to flirt and talk to me at company events, although he has been very careful about when and how this happens. We usually ignore each other completely until later in the event - to the point where most people would think we either hated each other or had never met. We have hung out with mutual friends on the weekends, and it is not unusual for his friends, or even his twin brother, to come to me and say that he is quite interested in me, or for me to catch him checking me out. The whole situation is frustrating, because it is apparent that we both like each other, but I just cannot see a dating relationship working out between us at this point.

 

Do you think I should try to talk to Luke and tell him to cool it? My problem with saying something about the situation is that I do like him and I'm flattered by the attention he gives me. He's possibly my closest friend at work, and I have a great sense of trust with him. To lose that would be devastating. I know - if I trust him, I should be able to say something like that to him without worrying. However, I've been bruised in past relationships, and have a hard time talking about my feelings. And we haven't discussed or acknowledged our feelings for each other since that day 6 months ago, which means it's bound to be awkward.

 

I'm not at a point where I'm ready to leave my job, and I definitely wouldn't consider leaving my job so that I could pursue a dating relationship with him. He has hinted to me on several occasions that he is ready to leave, but I don't want to be "that girl" that naively waits for him to leave so we could date, and ends up empty handed in the end. I like to think I know better than that. Has anyone else found themself in a similar situation or have any advice for me?

[Curmudgeon]

Has anyone else found themself in a similar situation or have any advice for me?

 

There was a woman at work I was very drawn to but not only did we work for the same agency, we also worked together on some issues. Neither of us believe in fishing in the company pond so we remained just work friends and nothing more.

 

After a bit over four years she promoted to a position in another agency. Happily, I was somewhat of a policy consultant for that agency (politics) and we both worked the same policy area politically. That threw us together periodically and our friendship continued.

 

To make a long story short, I finally asked her out, she accepted and we were married two months later. That was almost 10 years ago.

 

My advice is to leave it alone as long as you both work for the same company.