HURT AND CONFUSED

[Johnny]

I posted a message like a month ago. I feel a little hurt because the same thing that I told my gf to do is hurting me now. This is what I wrote on the past message. To sum it up, my gf's mom doesn't know that we're seeing each other. The reason my gf did not want to tell her was because my gf's sister told her mom before I met my gf that I was a player and my friends were players and that I tried to hit on her and her friend. That is not true, and I've spoken to my gf about this. She and I know that her sister has tendencies on lying about stuff. But for some reason their mom doesn't see that. So I was stuck. My gf and I were gonna be caught in a she said this, she said that type of deal. And try to make my gf's mom believe my gf that I wasn't the type of guy her sister made me look like. Now my gf has been dealing with some issues like job/money, you know the usual things we all go through. At the same time I knew that her mom was gonna visit them for the holidays. I told my gf that she did not have to tell her mom about us yet if she did not feel comfortable. Now I went home for the holidays to, we're like 600 miles away. This past week I feel she has been brushing me off. The reason I say that cause I'll talk to her on the phone and just cause her mom might be seating down next to her, she doesn't talk or say the usual things she would normally say like "I love you", or "I miss you". In another words, I'm feeling neglected in a way. I feel like this was my fault cause I had told her not to tell her mom. Any advice for me on how to tell her that she's hurt me? Without sounding hipocritical? And what advice should I give her as far as her mom. And oh yea, her mom I think has an idea that we're both seeing each other cause my gf is always talking to her mom about me. And due to what her sister told her mom, now when my gf mentions me to her mom, she'll say stuff like "He's too young for you", or "I hope you're not doing anything with him". I'm 22, she's 24. help anyone!!

[Lilly]

Your girlfriend is just reacting to circumstances, you are more than aware of her circumstances... you know she's not brushing you off, you know she's not intentionally wanting to hurt or confuse you. If it's only during this time that she'll be reacting like this and you know her reasons then there's really no need to say to her "I feel hurt coz you aren't telling me the sweet things you normally would"... what would that really achieve right now?

 

She'll feel even worse because her Mum doesn't know about you... for now anyway, and on top of that she'll also feel bad because you feel bad. Try and think of things differently to get through this, don't take it so personally given the reasons. Know she loves you, know she misses you and if she could tell you she would. Spare her your hurt for now, tell her when you are together again. If it means that much to you maybe she can phone you from somewhere that's not within earshot of her Mum.

 

As for her Mum knowing about you... I'm sure she won't be too surprised when you both tell her. Mum's are smart. You are just going to have to bite the bullet, be a man, tell her you're in her daughter's life and you have good intentions, tell her you realise she may have heard some rumours about you which simply aren't true.

 

Words are words though, actions speak louder, prove to her you aren't a player (or whatever she heard). All she's worried about is that her daughter isn't with someone who's going to treat her bad, hurt or take advantage of her. If you aren't, then you have nothing to worry about. There's really no other way if you plan to be a part of this girl's life.

 

Merry Christmas to you!.

[johnny]

thanks! I felt like that, but I wasn't sure it it was normal. I do think her mom knows. And she will know in the future. But thanks for your comments.

Your girlfriend is just reacting to circumstances, you are more than aware of her circumstances... you know she's not brushing you off, you know she's not intentionally wanting to hurt or confuse you. If it's only during this time that she'll be reacting like this and you know her reasons then there's really no need to say to her "I feel hurt coz you aren't telling me the sweet things you normally would"... what would that really achieve right now? She'll feel even worse because her Mum doesn't know about you... for now anyway, and on top of that she'll also feel bad because you feel bad. Try and think of things differently to get through this, don't take it so personally given the reasons. Know she loves you, know she misses you and if she could tell you she would. Spare her your hurt for now, tell her when you are together again. If it means that much to you maybe she can phone you from somewhere that's not within earshot of her Mum. As for her Mum knowing about you... I'm sure she won't be too surprised when you both tell her. Mum's are smart. You are just going to have to bite the bullet, be a man, tell her you're in her daughter's life and you have good intentions, tell her you realise she may have heard some rumours about you which simply aren't true. Words are words though, actions speak louder, prove to her you aren't a player (or whatever she heard). All she's worried about is that her daughter isn't with someone who's going to treat her bad, hurt or take advantage of her. If you aren't, then you have nothing to worry about. There's really no other way if you plan to be a part of this girl's life. Merry Christmas to you!.