holding on Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Sorry it's a long story. My wife and I have ben together for 7 years 6 married. two kids 3&4. for the last two or two and a half years our sex life is really on the decline. now it's been over seven mounths without it. Verry depressing. her excuse when it first started was that she had no sex drive because or stress with kids fair enough besides we would still get it on about every 3 weeks or so (still sad I know). Asked her to see a doctor but didn't go. So I did everything I could do to make her happy. Stoped working on Saturday to help with the kids. Even whent as far to move to Great brittan where she is from to try to make her life easer. you know more friends and family around. she assured that I wasn't anything about me. She just had no interest at all in sex. Well moved back to the U.S. in january. because nothing got better over there in fact it got worse! mabey every 2 mounth and thats being generous. first couple mounts back was no stress because we slept in diferent room at mom and dads house (boy was that tough) because of sleeping arangements and kids and all. so now we own another home after selling the first one to move orer seas. And guess what nothing so I pushed the issue of no sex. What I foud out was that the whole time she Just didn't have any intrest in me!!!! She still gets a little horney from time to time but hase no desire to be with me even when she knows how big a deal it is for me. I would even understand it if I hade got fat or somethig but I look the same as the day we met. I am So pissed off now I feel so lied to over the last 2-3 years. And tried so hard to be the perfect husband. I mean I actualy felt sorry for her when she said she had no desire for sex at all. now I foud out it's just sex with me she dosn't want. What am I gonna do now? Anyone else have a simmilar problem Link to post Share on other sites
Yamaha Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Did you guys f like rabbits in your early married years and then it just dwindled or was it luke warm from the beginning? Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Please see The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis. Yes, this problem - or variations on it - is quite common. A key factor is to understand whether your wife is truly committed to the marriage and cares about keeping you two together. When you talk about your feelings of hurt and neglect, does she act like she cares? Does she listen to you and do other nice things for you? If so, there is hope. However, if all that is gone, the outlook is gloomier. Please also see His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley to understand what each of you would need to do to make your spouse be madly in love with you and want to please you. You've been trying really hard - but there is a possibility that the things you have been doing for her AREN'T the things that meet her emotional needs (EN - see the harley book) and therefore she has reduced interest in meeting your needs. Link to post Share on other sites
Author holding on Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 we went at it like craze in the first six mounths then it was like twice a week then les and less Link to post Share on other sites
Author holding on Posted August 2, 2006 Author Share Posted August 2, 2006 thanks sole mate thats what i was thinking. kind of like nise guys finish last type of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Up on the marriage board I believe in which a couple of guys were discussing the same thing. Turned out to be a thyroid problem, in one case the wife didn't know she had a tyroid problem, and in the second one ~ the medication his wife was on just killed her sexual desire. The first one got his wife to the MD and got her on some medication and the second one got his wife to the MD and got her medication changed. Anyway, they're both back to acting like bunnies! :bunny: Goggle "Light Her Fire" and Dr. Hellen Kreidman that might do you some good as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author holding on Posted August 3, 2006 Author Share Posted August 3, 2006 yes i read that too but this is just loss of desire for me not nessesaraly sex. Link to post Share on other sites
JamesM Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Gunny, I love it! Thanks for the humor! Yes, I am the one whose wife had her thyroid medicine changed, so now we are acting like bunnies. The only difference is that my little bunny purrs... Our sex life diminished slowly about eight years ago (her words). Me I didn't notice as much until four years ago. We quit having it about a years before I "found" the solution. She literally told me at two in the morning when I "approached" her that she had no interest in sex...could we just quit...and if I wanted it, then it was for my own selfish needs since she didn't want it anymore. That night and the months that followed were some of the gloomiest of my marriage. If I told you all of the things my wife said to me regarding that she had no interest in sex with me and she had no feelings for me, then you may think a little differently. I am in no way thinking your wife has a thyroid problem, but if she has ever had a low thyroid or hypothyroidism, you may want to look into this. If while pregnant she had a problem with thyroid, please don't rule it out. My past with my wife included cheating...me, sex abuse...her, lots of meds...her, children stress, overworked... But guess what? The change of medicine really solved ALL of those problems. She handles stress better, she is much more positive, and she really has a libido again. Someone else already mentioned The Sex Starved Marriage. This is a GREAT book. I read it when I was trying to solve my problem. It gave a great explanation as to what I feel and missed with the lack of sex. Shortly after the change in meds, I did give my wife the book. She said she finally realized that sex is not just a physical satisfaction for me, but a connection to her. Some of the other possibilities for you...stress from raising children can be alot. And you say she has no sex interest with you, but does get horny. Does she masturbate to orgasm? What was the sex like with her? Please be honest...was it good for her? And by that I mean was it a mutual give and take? Did she act like she had interest or was it more of a "are you done yet" type act? Having been where you are, I really do understand. I know th inner resentment and anger you carry. I understand how that carries over into all of the day to day communications with her. I give you great credit for looking to resolve the problem rather than fleeing from it. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 Please see The Sex-Starved Marriage by Michele Weiner-Davis. Yes, this problem - or variations on it - is quite common. A key factor is to understand whether your wife is truly committed to the marriage and cares about keeping you two together. When you talk about your feelings of hurt and neglect, does she act like she cares? Does she listen to you and do other nice things for you? If so, there is hope. However, if all that is gone, the outlook is gloomier. Please also see His Needs, Her Needs by Willard Harley to understand what each of you would need to do to make your spouse be madly in love with you and want to please you. You've been trying really hard - but there is a possibility that the things you have been doing for her AREN'T the things that meet her emotional needs (EN - see the harley book) and therefore she has reduced interest in meeting your needs. Boy meets girl! Girl meets boy! Boy has "hots" for girl! Girl has "hots" for boy! They mate like bunnies! :bunny: Why do I have to read all these books? LOL! don't read books! don't even know how to read? Chinnese Algebra is less complicated! Link to post Share on other sites
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