Something I do not understand

[Dream_For_Love]

Hello everyone,

 

This is a second time that I posted my marriage issue that I'm dealing with. I'm still confuse and hurt the way he acts (mix signals) here is the previous post: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t94926/...He seems to be so sorry and sincere and I being as a very understanding wife asked him to come home. That's because I care about him no matter what had done to me. It's not that I can let him slip by again this time. So, for the first couple of days he called and left messages and also cried, seemed to be very sincere for what he did (slept with a prostitute). However, he never asked for the forgiveness or asks me to please work it out with him or come home to see me. Instead, he stays with a friend and all communication we have is thru emails and phone calls. So, it seems sincere then again no?

 

So, can anyone tell me from your point of view from your own experience or from others you know, if what is he trying to do. He said he can't come home because he can't stand seeing me that he might break down and here is his excuse of the incident. He drank too much and ended up in hotel with prostitute, he woke in morning with a condom on. He said he has no idea what happened. From my point of view, a 10 years old girl would believe something like that. He said the reason he told me was because he didnt want to lie to me because he loves me so much. And it was the right thing to do.

 

Another version of this story, I told him that I'm leaving to my mom. Well, that is what I'm doing, because I think I need my family support system to survive and go through this. He said nothing but supports my choice and keep saying that he doesnt deserve me that he hurts me so much and will help me with whatever he can. Now, I'm confuse with his attitude. Today he asked to come to see me and talk like adults, no fighting or yelling. I said okay that is the right thing to do, email and it seems he doesn't care when he said he cares? Any input would really appreciate it. T

[typical]

Today he asked to come to see me and talk like adults, no fighting or yelling.

 

Why is he the one calling the shots and admonishing you for whatever feelings you might have, and setting boundaries?? Sounds like he doesnt want to suffer repercussions...

 

However, he never asked for the forgiveness or asks me to please work it out with him or come home to see me. Instead, he stays with a friend and all communication we have is thru emails and phone calls.

 

What, does he think its his god given right (being male and all) to bang a ho, and not say sorry at least?

 

here is his excuse of the incident. He drank too much and ended up in hotel with prostitute, he woke in morning with a condom on. He said he has no idea what happened.

 

Oh, I think we all have a pretty good idea on what happened...including him....Is it you that is pushing for clarifications, and if so, why are the particulars so important? They obviously engaged in a sexual act. The gory details shouldnt matter that much...or should it??

 

He said he can't come home because he can't stand seeing me that he might break down

 

This is guy-speak for "I still want to sow my wild oats for awhile longer before I settle back into the cold, hard reality that I screwed up big-time and betrayed my wife"

 

He said the reason he told me was because he didnt want to lie to me because he loves me so much. And it was the right thing to do.

 

Well, thats a plus.

 

That's because I care about him no matter what had done to me.

 

Even at the risk of losing your pride and self worth??

 

It's not that I can let him slip by again this time

 

This sentence has me frightened...can you clarify?

 

and it seems he doesn't care when he said he cares?

 

Why are you putting your feelings on the back burner, letting his feelings override any you might have?

 

The duration of your post seems geared towards his feelings and sentiments and actions, yet you fail to recognize any feelings of your own...other than you will take him back....Dont you have any feelings or opinions on the matter or do you think yours are not important? Maybe I am missing something, so I will go back and read your first post.

[Dream_For_Love]

Typical,

 

First of all, thanks for replied to my post. Your statements seem to open up my eyes and see what is going on. Yes, I always put someone's else feelings first then mine. Perhaps, it's a habit. I shouldn't even need to know or get any explaination from him. He is just trying to find his easy way out from trouble he created.

 

Even at the risk of losing your pride and self worth??

 

You're right, I have no self worth or pride since I married him. You see I'm asian and it's my culture for the wife to take so much from the husband. Not good. That's why I told him, I'm leaving to my mom no matter what.

 

This sentence has me frightened...can you clarify?

 

Sorry for the confusion. What I meant was that I can't let him get away from what he had done to me this time.

 

I feel so stupid now after reading your reply. Yes, you are right, I seem to let his feelings overide me. It's me who should be in the control at the moment, but I seem to make him the leader, Darn me. Can anyone find happiness again after divorce or separation? Can anyone forget the past the ex husbands? Will I ever love someone new who would treat me right? I'm afraid of guys now telling you the truth.