KITTIEWIT9LIVES Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 I have been dating a guy for 4 months. All of his ex's have cheated on him. I go to work and come home. I work 8-5, I call him when I am at work to see how his day goes, and I call him on my lunch break, and I call him to let him know when I am on my way home. I do it b/c I love him and it is a courtesy thing. I don't do it b/c I have to. He doesn't ask me to or anything else. Here lately he thinks I have been cheating on him... I have given him no reason to think that. I get off work at 5 and I am home no later than 5:30, takes me about 15-20 to get home from work give or take traffic. He always asks me how my other boyfriend is doing... and what did he and I do lately. I tell him I don't have another one, and that it isn't funny to joke about it either. I told him that if he keeps it up then he will convince him that I really am cheating, but I'm not! I told him I'm not one of his ex's, and that I really do care about him and love him. What am I suppose to do!??!?! I tell him that I love him, and want to be w/ him and ONLY him, all he says is "Whatever". He and I will have about 2 maybe 3 days and it is wonderful. It is like a fairy tale, but from out of the blue, he will think I'm cheating. How am I suppose to deal with this? Any one been in a situation like this? or can offer something for me to say or do. I want him to understand that I love him and wouldn't do anything to hurt him. I tell him this and sometimes he acts like he believes me and others he doesn't. Most of the time he doesn't. HELP!!! Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Well it could be one of two things possibly. Either he is very insecure becasue of past cheating that has been done to him from other relationships, or, as the saying sometimes goes, the one who is accusing might just be the one doing. I'm by no means saying he is, becasue thats something I don't know. However, you need to try to determine if this is coming from his insecurity or if there is actually something else going on. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 sounds like tooo much drama for a 4 month old relationship! imagine how it will be in a year!!! Link to post Share on other sites
occultthinker Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Hey, it's good to know that you care for your boyfriend for righteous and loving reasons. But I don't think that just telling him that you love him will do anything if he doesn't believe it. Try taking action, such as: 1) Inviting him to movies (Romance and drama might make him upset or angry if he thinks that you're trying to manipulate him into loving him. Try a inspiring or heartwarming movie genre.) 2) Eating lunch or dinner at a special place 3) Giving a present that he likes (Ask one of your/his friends to ask your boyfriend what he likes.) 4) Chatting about each other's personal life 5) Suprising him 6) Invite him and cook a dinner/lunch for him and possibly for others (That is if you cook decently and are willing to spend time, passion, and energy. Otherwise... your boyfriend will think you're poisoning him. Seriously, I'm not joking. ) 7) Give him a massage (This releases stess and could help him open up if it's an isolated environment with no one around) 8) Joke with him (Everyone likes jokes, but even more so when they're clean and told in a funny way. Great jokes are retold, not made up. Everyone gives more trust to a caring, funny, fun, and/or clean person.) If your boyfriend thinks you're just cheating on him, don't just respond with: 1a) "No, I'm not!" 2a) " Instead, try a different approach like: 1b) "Does it really look like that...? I guess I must be doing something wrong..." With the alternative responses, your boyfriend will more likely believe that you are genuine. I bet that most of his ex-girlfriends responded with 1a. Most negative/neutral actions or responses that his former girlfriends have made will trigger his memory. I don't think I will have to say this, but I'll say it anyway. Just in case. Remember that if your boyfriend isn't doing the same back to you in one way or another, the relationship will backfire. Both have to care for one another. Anyway... I believe that you have a sincere heart in your relationship and I know that you will make the right decision though it won't seem like it at first. Nice talking to you! (By the way, this is a nice forum.) (As a side note to everyone, don't let my age put you off from reading my posts. I have good relationships with all friends and family, including my parents. Oh, I forgot to mention that I'm using a random generated forum name so that my friends won't know that I'm on a love site. Cool, huh? Well, not really since the name sounds a bit... strange.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
john2776 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 A lot of people can be suspicious and wonder if their partner is being faithful sometimes, especially if there behaviour is a bit odd or they seem to hide something or..... But from what you posted, he is not even questioning you about anything in particular, but just doesn't trust you in general. Big worry - this could lead to other major problems. I've only ever had one partner constantly question me about my faithfulness and acuse me of things, and like you I always was open about everything and never gave her reasons. I put up with it but it did really worry me, especially if I ever asked her about something and the response I usually got was "if you think I would be doing xxxx then that must be the way you think and so you must be a cheater!" Using that logic then she was definetely a cheater! As it turned out I knew after we broke up that she did cheat on me (no idea with who), and that she hooked up with at least 2 guys that I knew and she had sex with them within a few weeks of the breakup. So I think you should take a closer look at what he is doing.... That relationship of mine ended at my best friends wedding, were my ex-gf accussed me of wanting to f#ck the bride and decided to take a swing at me at the wedding!! I kept my dignity and didn't feel the need to have sex with anyone until I met my current GF, which happened over a year later.... Tell him enough is enough, and if he can't trust you then you don't have a relationship anyway. You deserve a partner who loves, respects and trusts you. You will find them. Link to post Share on other sites
laRubiaBonita Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Instead, try a different approach like: 1b) "Does it really look like that...? I guess I must be doing something wrong..." You are SUCH a dude........... Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Kittie, I agree with Jadestar - it that it could be he's had past partners cheat on him so he is insecure or he is the one cheating. In my situation, my bf cheated on me the 2 1/2 yrs we dated. I didn't know until after marrying him. Because we are getting a divorce and I look to the future and dating, I think I will be acting as your boyfriend. I no longer trust men because my heart was broken to the point that I actually thought I could commit suicide. I have never been so devastated in my life than to know the one person I love more than anything was cheating on me. So, I will probably drive any man I meet with questions and accusations because I will be so scared of him cheating on me too and I will be trying to save myself another heartache. But...... my bf used to constantly accuse me of cheating on him when I wasn't. I, like you, just went to work and home and never gave him any reason to suspect I was. I just chalked it up to him being insecure and shy. Also his ex wife cheated on him so I just thought he was feeling the insecurity of that relationship with me. I tried to reassure him over and over that I wasn't but I really never looked past the fact that he could in fact be cheating on me and the guilt was getting to him. Well, turns out he was the one cheating - I never would have guessed it. In your situation, I don't know which it could be but I'm sure it's one or the other. Link to post Share on other sites
occultthinker Posted August 3, 2006 Share Posted August 3, 2006 You are SUCH a dude........... Oh, I see why you think that. That was a mistake to type in. I meant that you should say it even if it's not true.(he might lower his defensiveness since you seem to be doing that) He's not being truthful to you, there shouldn't be a problem if you're saying that so that he could realize the truth that you really love him. Link to post Share on other sites
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