Chinook Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 are you from scotland? Nah, just very good at play-acting accents in email I'm from Cheshire... North West England.... which if you look at the UK map is bang in the middle of this whole Island. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lindya Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 So there really is such a thing as a Scottish accent?! I thought that they were all drunk. You can't judge the whole nation simply by what I write. I can't help it if I'm partial to mead http://www.bijlmakers.com/wine/mead.htm Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 You can't judge the whole nation simply by what I write. I can't help it if I'm partial to mead http://www.bijlmakers.com/wine/mead.htmAye, linday, bit ivray c*nt kens thit Scotlin's full o pishers. Bit we'll say nae mair aboot that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lindya Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 Aye, linday, bit ivray c*nt kens thit Scotlin's full o pishers. Bit we'll say nae mair aboot that. Not true. We're a stern, sober race and "mead" of girders. Hence my contribution to the coping section. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 WTF are you lot talking about...? Link to post Share on other sites
burning 4 revenge Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Not true. We're a stern, sober race and "mead" of girders. Hence my contribution to the coping section.Ah dinnae ken aboot that. Ah've goat some jock n mah veins masel n thirs nowt stern, or sober aboot B4R Link to post Share on other sites
Author lindya Posted August 4, 2006 Author Share Posted August 4, 2006 WTF are you lot talking about...? Chinook, surely you've seen the Irn-bru (Scotland's national soft drink) adverts? Made in Scotland. From Girders! It's all relevant. All related to the strong coping mechanisms that brought me to the shack...and shall keep me here until the alert button is pressed once too often by someone who simply isn't impressed. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Chinook, surely you've seen the Irn-bru (Scotland's national soft drink) adverts? Made in Scotland. From Girders! It's all relevant. All related to the strong coping mechanisms that brought me to the shack...and shall keep me here until the alert button is pressed once too often by someone who simply isn't impressed. Aaaah now I getcha! Link to post Share on other sites
riobikini Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Scottish, Irish -all here amid our Cherokee native roots in this little spot in Tennessee - thus our peculiar 'hillbilly' dialect that stubbornly remains an identifiable characteristic of the language still widely used in this part of this region. (Smile) Thanks to like likes of you, who brought your warmth, humor, and practicality, as well. My great-grandmother's maiden last name (on my other's side) was 'Mullins' (the 'Mc' disappeared a generation before her when her own grandparents came here). Her neighbors were McReynolds, McMurrays, and others with similar-sounding names. Potatoes grow well here. We couldn't imagine life without them. (Smile) As for the 'No Contact' issue, I think it does, sometimes, seem like a cultish effort in focusing so much on emphasizing it's potential benefits and pitfalls. But I think it's like Chinook was saying, that there are so many newcomers to the boards in such pain and in such a confused state of mind and emotion, that the experienced advice-giver recognizes that he/she must first attempt to give a means to level the playing field. And introducing the notions, core concept, and definition of genuine, no-frills 'NC' is the first order of business to accomplish that. I also agree with Lindya, though, with her point that focusing on 'NC' so intensely can be an obsessive act that (I think) can lead to failure, instead of success in moving on. When a person numb with pain and caught up in an overwhelming flurry of confusing emotions focuses so stringently on 'The Rules' and a minute-by-minute endeavor to successfully cross the threshold of the intial trauma of a breakup, they may render the whole practicality and success potential of 'NC' null and void. Maybe even more damaging than good. Success with 'NC' depends heavily on the adoption of a particular *mindset* -one that focuses on the sobering acceptance of the reality of the circumstances and the need to feel 'ok' with ourselves again (happy, content, whole etc.) -not the loss of the partner, nor the void created by the loss. Chinook phrased it " the leveling of the playing field", and I totally agree that it's that very concept that is 'Square One' on the what-to-do chart of planning your recovery from a breakup. As for actually marking off a chart (Smile) -that's a sign of obsessive, perhaps, even manic thinking -and should be absolutely avoided. So we must compensate for the 'uneven-ness' -the wrongs that were 'done' to us- which cause the hurt we're feeling. We level the playing field during 'NC' by pampering ourselves, learning to love ourselves, and understand ourselves better. And we make changes for our well-being, and towards our improvement. Someone also mentioned in the above posts, something about the natural progression of the human emotions to heal. With time, of course (and without mental/emotional illnesses present and impeding our natural tendencies) -I believe we are designed to head in a forward-moving direction -away from emotional pain, no matter if we actively *do* anything about our breakup (i.e. self-aware improvement programs) or not. But actively taking a role in your own healing and recovery can produce some startling results, has the capability to transform and 'rework' our 'old' selves into smarter, stronger, more compassionate and understanding people, and can help us avoid making repeated (similar) mistakes in the future. I'm all for 'NC', -it works- *if* you take it seriously, bite it off, chew it, and swallow it with a grain of common sense. There's no reason to remain in a such a wallow with the pain of breaking up if you are seeking the right kind of help from the right resources -and *sticking with a reasonable plan of recovery*. Hope this helps someone. Take care. -Rio Link to post Share on other sites
In Sync Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 If a person says it hurts so much when I keep banging my head against a wall...should one suggest to them keep banging your head but do it softer it woun't hurt so much or QUIT BANGING YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE DAMN WALL? Sorry there is nothing complicated about NC. When people come to these boards and write about the pain of their break-ups and describe the circle of continuous grief then encouraging NC is a way of helping them. I assume that when a person is in pain and seeks advice they want advice that will help free them from pain not push them or keep the in it. So far there have been few examples of people saying that continuing the banging of their head and continuous contact with an ex from a painful breakup has been beneficial. Of course you can do it! But then the same ppl get back and start agonzing over the same place of hurt and frustration. I personally don't get why there is resentment to those of us who suggest it. I would be curious to see a thread of all those who continue contact with their ex's who dumped them and feel great with their situation of still being in love with them and knowing their ex no longer wants to be bf/gf/lover. Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Chinook, surely you've seen the Irn-bru (Scotland's national soft drink) adverts? Made in Scotland. From Girders! It's all relevant. All related to the strong coping mechanisms that brought me to the shack...and shall keep me here until the alert button is pressed once too often by someone who simply isn't impressed. Oh God I'm having flashbacks about the scottish guy and his foreskin. I think our relationship was only successful for the first few months because I had no idea what he was saying. Once I figured out the dialect it was all down hill. Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 NC has positive effect as I observed. During NC you can gain your strengh back. It is a ego thing. when an ex want a break-up with you, but you still want to contact them against their wish, then you are just saying "bastard, you are not important, I am so good, and you cannot see it. I will let you see how good I am" I don't believe that. It depends on the reason for contact. If you write to brag or berate them, then maybe it is about ego. If you're writing because you truly want peace, which can hasten full "closure", it's not about ego. Breaking NC is not always about wanting someone back or to prove to them how good you are. Depending on how you do it, the issues involved with your relationship, etc, it can be a final means of letting go. Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted August 4, 2006 Share Posted August 4, 2006 Oh God I'm having flashbacks about the scottish guy and his foreskin. I think our relationship was only successful for the first few months because I had no idea what he was saying. Once I figured out the dialect it was all down hill. Getting to know a person can really ruin a good thing . One of the finest and truest things I've ever heard. Although thinking about a scottish guy and their foreskin dosent sound so bad to me. Link to post Share on other sites
lonelybird Posted August 5, 2006 Share Posted August 5, 2006 I don't believe that. It depends on the reason for contact. If you write to brag or berate them, then maybe it is about ego. If you're writing because you truly want peace, which can hasten full "closure", it's not about ego. Breaking NC is not always about wanting someone back or to prove to them how good you are. Depending on how you do it, the issues involved with your relationship, etc, it can be a final means of letting go. I agree with you most part of it. If a dumpee have closure or almost closure in her/his heart, ok, send the letter or call with pride and peace, it is noble. but if dumpee is still in great pain, the letter and the call could become beg someone back or want to improve something. it is like the dumpee have one treasure box called self-esteem, everytime beg someone back, it is like throw some treasure away, at last the box would be empty. and some dumpee would call several even hundred a day. I talked about this case. sorry, didn't put out clearly Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted August 13, 2006 Share Posted August 13, 2006 Oh God I'm having flashbacks about the scottish guy and his foreskin. I think our relationship was only successful for the first few months because I had no idea what he was saying. Once I figured out the dialect it was all down hill. crikeyo'riley, I've only just caught up with this... but boy BO this didn't half make me squeal Link to post Share on other sites
Mollyanna Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 I remember making a conscious decision to look extremely f,s and d with a stbxbf (I love all these abbrev.s )... I'm still trying to figure out what this means? Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted August 14, 2006 Share Posted August 14, 2006 Hi, I'm still trying to figure out what this means? It went something like this: L: never forget how foolish, sad and desperate you will look if you contact him...but if you really need to, go ahead. A: And I also have no problem with looking foolish, sad, and desperate. L: I remember making a conscious decision to look extremely f,s and d with a stbxbf (I love all these abbrev.s )... I guess stbxbf means soon to be ex bf? I'm not sure that one. Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts