Did she cheat?

[surferd]

I have been having feelings of jealousy lately. I have been dating my girlfriend for a year now and she wants to get married she has wanted to get married for a long time now and says the words I love you for almost a whole year.

 

She is constantly saying Im lying and says she hates lyers and lying, says Im lying about simple things which Im not like whether or not I want to go surfing or other simple things.

 

She has been cheated on in the past and her father had affairs and is upset by her brothers actions in the past.

 

At one point in our relationship she said I have been very good to you I havent cheated but couldnt look me in the eye when she said that and looked weird.

 

At one point I called it off for space and she said something about people just dont tell if they cheated, who does that? with a weird smile on her face

 

The problem is partly I knew of her distaste in lying sneaking and a friend had taken me to a strip club early on in our relationship and I got uncomfortable and left right after arriving. I felt bad and wanted to tell her so I did and said sorry but also protected my friend and didnt say he took me.

 

She was so upset and angry she never let me live it down. We did not live together before and lived kind of far and saw each other on weekends, I did not see here a couple of weekends and she had said that I didnt cheat on you stuff around then wihtout looking me in the eye.

 

I shouldnt have said anything to make her always doubt me but she kind of disrespects me and thinks I lie (she hates lying about anything) I have felt she would do things in spite

Shes had kind of a wild past.

 

I dont know Iv seen actions behaviors of what I think is a girl who cheated. Iv been around, Im not exactly lame, Im in good shape 6'2" and girls have liked me and I have had quite a few girlfriends in the past but I feel like I want to know, it wont mean I will leave but I would feel better just knowing rather than thinking she ould talk and be with someone breifly and keep it from me it hurts worse and I know she wouldnt want to I just want to talk about it her to get it out and go on with our relationship and I dont want something to haunt her or our relationship and I want to be treated nice and with respect. I have let her kind of get too crazy with me.

 

She doesnt let me or like me to talk with my friends but she always talks with her friends and probably I know for sure about if I do something she doesnt like, I talk nice mostly about her and protect her but sometimes feel better talking to friends if we are not getting along or shes mad at me so I dont feel just trapped or crazy

 

She is so jeaulous and angry at any girl I may have dated in the past. She doesnt let me do things without fighting if I hang out with family or friends or go out for a while even for groceries.

 

She has wanted me to be her man since early on and land me

 

Did she cheat on me?

 

What should I do?

[ash8752]

I read nothing leading me in the direction to believe she is cheating on you. She seems VERY insecure in herself and therefore in your relationship. It is actually a bit overboard. You need to talk with her about this. I have some of those issues too but not as severe at all. My boyfriend and I have talked and I know it is pushing him away so i am working on myself, for myself and my relationship.

 

So, no, i wouldnt say i think she is cheating on you, but you have another issue to look into being her insecurities and her lack of trust in you.

 

PS, it's because she loves you and would hate to lose you.

[Craig]

I for one can't tell you if she cheated on you. BUT I see huge red flags in her behavior and anger regarding you spending time with your friends (male I assume) and family.

 

For that reason alone I strongly recommend that you distance yourself from her for a while. Take a one month break from each other, promise each other not to see anyone else.

 

During that time look up verbal and emotional abuse on the net. The power and control that I see her trying to get over you is disturbing and in my opinion is a sign of worse things to come your way from her.

[Walk]

Big Red Flags.

 

I could understand if she was insecure, especially with her past. Should've been easily remedied by taking her out with your friends for a while until she saw what was normal, and how you guys interacted. Taking her to visit your family to allow her to see the environment and get to know you better.

 

Instead she's throwing fits so that you feel you can't go? Not good man. You really do need to read up on emotional abuse. The controlling aspect will tear you down. She's cutting you off from your support network. And guilting you into believing you have to stop seeing these people.

 

I couldn't say with any assuredness that she did or did not cheat. I would be more prone to believe she intentionally acted shady to instill doubt. To cause you to be jealous. I think that'd be more in line with her actions after her severe hatred of cheating.

 

Having a hard time believing though that she'd go screw someone over it though. Her crime would've been the more evil of the two (if she had cheated). I could see her attempting to do an equally bad thing (acting shady) to try to get you to feel how she felt... but to top it, and by miles, seems counter-intuitive.

 

Seriously though... don't allow her to ostricize you from your friends and family. Relationships should compliment, not detract from you. And she's taking away everyone else who was close to you. If you don't do one other thing in this relationship, stand up for those. She has no choice but to go along with it if you stand your ground. Tell her you will see your friends, and your family, and if she doesnt' like it, she can find a man who doesn't have either of those.

[john2776]

Its not a good situation, and from the sounds of it, her past is having a big inpact on your relationship. This makes it difficult to fix because you can't fix her past. You can't fix her. There are signs of abuse here and that is worrying. I don't believe getting married or engaged is going to make her more secure - she might tell you this but it is unlikely to happen. If I was you I would not even consider getting married to her. I was in a similar situation myself once and my gf could not even control herself when my mum visited - so then I had to try and explain to my mum what was going on. The whole thing made me realise I was just treading water - because I knew I could never be stupid enough to marry a girl who on occasions acted like a complete fruitcake and had emotional abuse problems from her family in the past and now seemed to think it was ok to pass that problem onto me. So - be careful, and be honest with yourself about what YOU want.