Guest Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 I've been good friends with "Mike" for almost a year. Although we're both single, Mike and I aren't dating because we happen to work together. We discussed a while back how we did like each other, but just that the situation wasn't ideal for us to make it anything more than friends. Despite this "pact", we still have a history of behaving ridiculously around each other, flirting, and texting each other dirty messages when we're drunk. I know for a fact that he still is interested in me, and I'm still interested in him. Neither of us has dated someone else during the time we've known each other. Last weekend, I was out with some of my friends when I ran into one of his friends, "Nate". Nate and I went to the same college, and have always gotten along in a platonic way. Well, it just so happened that I was drunk and so was Nate. At bar close, he asked me and my friends if we wanted to go back to his place for an after bar with his friends. Somehow, my girlfriends lost me in the shuffle, and it ended up being just Nate, myself and a few other friends of his at his house. After a little while, everyone else started to call for cabs. Nate told me to stay - and I was too drunk to realize that was a bad idea. Nothing happened between Nate and I after everyone left; we just sat on the couch and cuddled. And that was all that happened. I fell asleep at some point, and when I woke up in the morning, I was mortified that I had just spent the night at Mike's friend's house. I ended up sneaking out of the house in the morning, and haven't talked to Nate since then. However, I can't stop beating myself up about it. I don't have romantic feelings at all for Nate, and I hate to think that something like this could ruin my relationship with Mike. It's not as though Mike and I are dating, so I shouldn't feel like I've cheated on him - but I still do. Nate knows that Mike and I liked each other in the past, and I really doubt he'd say anything to him about it. Why do I feel like I've cheated on Mike and how do I stop beating myself up about what happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Its probably because it wasn't just a random guy, but one of his friends, and once he finds out, its probably going to change the way he feels about you. Unless you're not going to tell him? Which, if I were you, I would, since if you do begin to date, and he finds out later, it will cause more problems. If anything else atleast you learned a lesson? Link to post Share on other sites
SourBun Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Why do I feel like I've cheated on Mike and how do I stop beating myself up about what happened? Considering that 1) you're both mutually attracted to eachother and 2) the only reason why you're not a couple is because of work, it's easy to understand why you feel that way. When "Mike" finds out from "Nate" that you spent the night, of course he'll be hurt. That's only natural. You have to somehow clue him in to how innocent the evening was - something along the lines of: "thank goodness Nate let me crash on his couch last night - I was so hammered it took every ounce of willpower to keep from projectile vomiting all over his place..." Although Mike may still be a little leery, he'll be able to read between the lines. Also, perhaps you could try to hang out with Mike and Nate together - making it clear that nothing has changed. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 You have to somehow clue him in to how innocent the evening was - something along the lines of: "thank goodness Nate let me crash on his couch last night - I was so hammered it took every ounce of willpower to keep from projectile vomiting all over his place..." Heres where I disagree, she shouldnt lie to the kid. Needing all her willpower to keep from vomiting is a far cry from cuddling with the dude all night on his couch. I mean, if youre gonna lie to the kid, why even bother? Also, I suggest she not be around this Nate kid anymore, atleast, if she wants any chance of being with Mike. Also, refrain from blaming it on being drunk as well. This is a sticky situation, you didnt do anything with him, but the act of cuddling isnt exactly something two friends do either Link to post Share on other sites
SourBun Posted August 1, 2006 Share Posted August 1, 2006 Heres where I disagree, she shouldnt lie to the kid. Needing all her willpower to keep from vomiting is a far cry from cuddling with the dude all night on his couch. I mean, if youre gonna lie to the kid, why even bother? Yeah, I suppose the projectile vomiting bit was a bit much. Just tell Mike the truth. Maybe even ask for his opinion on how to gently tell Nate that the cuddling bit was a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Maybe even ask for his opinion on how to gently tell Nate that the cuddling bit was a mistake. No No No, atleast not the way you phrased it. She shouldn't make it sound like she's trying to cater to Nates feelings. She should be concerned about Mikes, not anyone elses. Plus, she said Nate *knew* that mike liked her, yet he still did what he did? He isn't much of a friend. She should 100% not be around nate, atleast for the time being. Link to post Share on other sites
Javelin Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 Well this shows subconciously, that she is not ready for a serious relationship with Mike or Nate. Link to post Share on other sites
SourBun Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 No No No, atleast not the way you phrased it. She shouldn't make it sound like she's trying to cater to Nates feelings. She should be concerned about Mikes, not anyone elses. Plus, she said Nate *knew* that mike liked her, yet he still did what he did? He isn't much of a friend. She should 100% not be around nate, atleast for the time being. No, I couldn't care less for Nates feelings .. I just saw that as an opportunity to breach the subject with Mike. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted August 2, 2006 Share Posted August 2, 2006 She should 100% not be around nate, atleast for the time being. I'm "Guest" who posted this thread originally. I really appreciate everyone's advice thus far. I agree - I shouldn't be around Nate at all, and I should be honest with Mike about what happened/didn't happen. There's one problem with that plan though: on Friday, I'll be attending a company party that both Mike and Nate will be at (oh yes, not only are Mike and Nate friends, but we are all co-workers). This will be the first time I've seen either of them since the incident - any advice on how to handle that? My plan is to avoid Nate as best I can at the party, which I think is possible, but do you think I should talk to Mike prior to the party? (FYI, I wouldn't talk to him at the party about it - I know better than that) I don't want to make this into a bigger issue than it has to be, which is why I'm leary about telling him at all. I really doubt that Nate has said anyting to Mike at this point due to the situation and because Mike and Nate are not really close friends. You don't have to remind me that I've managed to get myself into a terribly dumb situation. I've definitely learned a few lessons in this mess - namely not to get involved with co-workers. Link to post Share on other sites
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