A Male's Lack of Sexual Desire

[Candied-Heart]

By no means am I complaining as yet. Although it is fair to note that over the past years my sexual relationship with my BF has tapered out over time.

 

In the beginning it was typical of 'new relationship sex' -- highly electric, inconveniently initiated sex. It maintained for a long time, an average of 5 or so times a week. Sometimes twice a day, sometimes more.

 

Then after about a year it tapered down to still exciting and long lasting sex but not as often, perhaps 3 times a week average. This is fine also!

 

But I feel different about it lately.. Maybe I am just super horny and he is just not as much.. Whatever the case this has recently left me sometimes feeling like I haven't satisfied my appetite or worse, if I initiate and I get softly rejected, I feel like it is personal, as though I am unattractive when he has made it clear he only wants to sleep with me. I guess that's just paranoid chick stuff??

 

We've spoken openly and I know after our talking, that he has a lack of interest, and he admits this. Not perpetually; he just doesn't feel like doing it as often, as he's explained. That's completely acceptable. Three times a week is still perfectly fine though often it has been once or twice and sorry to seem spoilt but I do crave more than that! I am sort of worrying that this will taper out again to being no sex at all, like a fellow friends' relationship. I'd never say this to him as I suspect perhaps this issue is related to stress and pressure. I am sure after a long day he doesn't always want to always have sex, even when he does feel like he could.

 

I know he isn't having any 'mechanical' problems. He still feels aroused and has no issues with that area. So I am pretty sure the problem isn't physical.. just emotional.. is he just stressed? He happily works a demanding management position and it's usually a good 12 hours before I see him arrive home for the evening. And no, there is no way he'd cheat.

 

My longwinded question to anyone out there is --

 

Is this something that we can overcome by simply just chilling out?

Seeing as we've spoken, should I just leave him be as opposed to initiating things and wait for him to come to me?

He has said he would prefer this, but I am wary of causing a habit.. I believe couples should be able to both come to each other when they want to, not have one just wait for the other...

 

Has anyone been in this boat where the MALE doesn't have much interest in it?

[Blackfrost]

stress and pressure

 

This tends to be one of the number one non-medical related reasons for killing a mans sex drive: be it work or finances. You need be understanding during those times, otherwise he'll start sleeping with you just to get you off his back while copes with his issues. Nobody wants a mercy lay.

[Candied-Heart]

Thank you!

 

So whilst I am being understanding [duly noted], should I also lay off of asking or anything sexual until he comes to me?

[whichwayisup]

You gotta start making him HORNY! Go read my Shower Massager thread in the watercooler section (it may be on page 2 now, so scroll down abit for it) and that may give you some idea's on how to get him going again.

 

Let him know that you're horny, and tell him that you're going upstairs to masterbate...I'm sure he'll be up there real fast once he "knows" what you're doing...

 

Make time for eachother. Maybe life is just getting in the way. Daily stresses, being tired and overworked. Make plans to go away for a weekend, revive your intimacy.

[AwkwardMan]

Thank you!

 

So whilst I am being understanding [duly noted], should I also lay off of asking or anything sexual until he comes to me?

 

Nah, keep doing the sexual stuff. He won't like it if you stop. Just don't pester.

[Candied-Heart]

Well the day after my thread originated, he surprised me with some mighty nice morning sex. And then again that next evening. I guess it really does pay to let him be. I know his stressors in life are probably most likely an ongoing issue so I will have to just remember quietly to myself that it's not a reflection of his attraction to me if he doesn't feel like it.

 

let him know that you're horny, and tell him that you're going upstairs to masterbate...I'm sure he'll be up there real fast once he "knows" what you're doing...

 

Thanks WWIU, I did this quite unintentionally the other night, without informing him of what I was doing when I went to bed early.. and the result was totally not what I'd expected. It's a relief to see his disinterest isn't half as bad as the other couples I've come across. Yay!

 

I also actually have some ideas to fulfil one of his biggest "role play" fantasies for his birthday which is coming up. He would never expect it, because I think he thought I was too shy to do it, but I'm geared up to do it now, that I actually might do it earlier. Haha.