Boyfriend with a wandering eye

[Sara2111]

So I’m not really the jealous type or maybe I actually am and don’t realize it. I have no problem with my boyfriend being friends with other girls. Most of my exes always had at least one female that they still talked to while we were dating. I didn’t mind because I have male friends as well. My current boyfriend and I have been seeing eachother for about a year and a half. I have gotten irritated with a few things that he does. We will be watching a movie or something on tv and he will start talking about how hot some actress is. He used to be obsessed with Katie Holmes (Tom Cruise’s girlfriend) but complained that Tom “ruined her” and now drools about Lindsay Lohan. My boyfriend is 29 years old by the way and I’m 26. I just get sick of him talking about actresses and models, not so much because I’m jealous but because hello I’m a female, not one of his male buddies so while I might agree that another female is pretty I’m not interested in discussing how great their breasts are! The other thing is that he is ALWAYS checking out other women/girls when we are together. For example yesterday we went to a park to take a walk and we hadn’t seen each other for 3 days. My boyfriend has been complaining that he misses me and wanted to see me badly and I finally made time to see him. I dressed up a little yesterday, wore a cute tank top and I know I looked pretty good. I’m not unattractive, at one time my boyfriend told me that I have the best body he’s ever seen in “real life” and that I’m the prettiest girl he’s dated. I’m not a model but I’m decent. About 5ft 1 105 lbs. Anyhow I expected my boyfriend to tell me I looked nice or something but I guess I was expecting too much. We weren’t even at the park for ten minutes and we were walking beside each other and there was this girl who was probably 15 or 16 (maybe younger, its hard to tell these days) and she was wearing shorts and a very short shirt that showed off her stomach. She was cute but nothing to break your neck over plus she was young. Well my boyfriend was walking beside me and he actually turned around and looked at her for about 30 seconds checking her out. I was insulted (ok maybe I am a bit jealous) not of the girl but just because I felt disrespected. I mean I could care less if he looks at porn or drools over actresses and he can look at all the other females he wants if he’s with his buddies, but is it too much to expect that when he’s with his girlfriend who he supposedly loves that he pay attention to me and put a halt to his wandering eyes?? He’s not one to talk to other women when I’m around or otherwise (he’s sort of shy) and I can see if a guy sees a hot woman and slyly sort of looks out of the corner of his eye. But my boyfriend practically stopped walking beside me, turned his head all the way around and stared at her. And she was at least 14 years younger than him! The embarrassing part was the girl saw him looking at her while he was with me. Am I just too jealous or am I right and that behavior is disrespectful?

[john2776]

Have you talked to him about this? Because he is really laughing at you. Why do you let him get away with it? Not many days would go by without me telling my GF about how hot she is. It helps of course that she totally drives me crazy with the way she looks. When Im with her I still notice other girls but I would never be so disrespectful to totally check them out like your boyfriend is. When you have made an effort he really should have noticed. Your feelings are completely valid and you need to tell him how you feel so that he can decide what is more important - checking out school age girls or giving compliments to you - the girl he wants to be with.

[Kathleen2260]

Just talk to your bf and tell him how you feel. If he does it again then he just doesn't respect your feelings. I would be irritated if my bf did this to me. Luckily he doesn't check out other women when he's with me but he lies about other things so it could be worse. I personally might be worried about what he is doing behind your back if he will do this in front of your face even though he knows it bugs you. Its more disrepectful than anything else. why don't you put the shoe on the other foot and check out hot guys and talk about how great they look when your bf is with you? See how that makes him feel. Maybe he will get the hint and quit doing it.

[superconductor]

Two facts of life:

1. Men are visual creatures. That's neither good nor bad, it's just the way it is. We happen to like looking at women. That doesn't mean that we automatically want to leap into bed with them, or see them naked or anything like that. We just like the form of a well-proportioned woman;
   
2. The rest of the women on the planet won't vanish.
   

I doubt it's much different for him when he admires a nice car in a parking lot or on the street. It doesn't mean he wants one, he just likes the look of that Ferrari over there.

 

So relax. Lighten up. He may get an appetite somewhere else, but as long as he's eating at home, it's no big deal.

[typical]

Two facts of life:

1. Men are visual creatures. That's neither good nor bad, it's just the way it is. We happen to like looking at women. That doesn't mean that we automatically want to leap into bed with them, or see them naked or anything like that. We just like the form of a well-proportioned woman;
   
2. The rest of the women on the planet won't vanish--superconductor

 

So what, is that any excuse for him to blatantly disrespect her by all but breaking his neck to look at a 16 year old? I am so flipping tired of this excuse....its sickening, and quite frankly, its a boring excuse used to mask piggish behaviour, come up with something different. I am sorry, but if we are going to get insulted and our feelings trampled on, it better be a better excuse than men are visual creatures.

[Walk]

relax. Lighten up. He may get an appetite somewhere else, but as long as he's eating at home, it's no big deal.

But it does matter where the appetite comes from. Maybe not to you, because frankly, you think a hole is a hole and any hole will do.

 

God I hate that saying. My exH used to pull that one on me. He'd go to the strip club and try to convince me to have sex with him afterward. Screw that! You got your appetite somewhere else, GO fill it some where else!

 

TO the OP. Talk to him first. He does it again. Leave him where ever you're at. At the park? Go directly to your car and drive off. At a restaurant? Throw down your half, and walk away. Don't reward his behavior by sitting there and allowing it. Don't scream or cry, or even say anything right then. Once you've discussed your feelings on it and explained that it causes you pain.. then there's absolutely NO reason for him to continue the behavior around you. His doing so only shows that he isn't listening to what you say, or doesn't care how you feel. So why should you give him your undivided attention, effort, and devotion when he won't give the same to you?

[Guest]

I agree with Walk. My ex husband used to do this to me all the time. I dont' consider myself an insecure type but if the person who supposedly loves you is always drooling over anything that walks by in skirt when you are sitting right next to him it is a little annoying at times. I dont think the issue is that men are visual creatures which they are, but the OPs boyfriend can look at all the women/young girls he wants to when SHE"S NOT AROUND. He shouldnt' be doing it while she is right beside him.

[EnigmaXOXO]

We're all visual creatures. Even women. But when it comes to "looking" there's a difference between being tastefully tactful and inconspicuous with your casual glances and making a complete moronic ayas of yourself.

 

If one has any class at all … they don't grunt, groan or make comments to their partner about another person that has caught their eye. Or make some big production out of it. Behaving like an imbecile is more rude and disrespectful than it is insulting.

 

It's funny now in retrospect … but I once briefly dated this guy who I now refer to as the "Ogler'". It was absolutely pathetic because he would trip over his own feet and run face first into walls turning his head around to watch every female that walked by. At first I just laughed and joked with him when he did it, it WAS funny. He'd even get embarrassed and explain that he had been single for so long that it was just a hard habit to break. (Damn good reason why he was still single at forty!)

 

Anyway … it started to really get ridiculous after a while. To the point where I was actually mortified to even be seen with this clown. During a Valentine's trip to the Bahamas (that I had treated him to) he ran right into a poker machine in the casino when he turned around to gawk at the barmaid. Then, that night during our Valentine's dinner, we were having a conversation and he stopped cold mid-sentence to check out the waitress who walked by … then FORGOT where he had left off his conversation.

 

Needless to say, he probably considers me an insecure b*tch to this day because I called off our formal relationship with the "let's just be friends speech" before we were even on the plane and headed back home! And it hardly matters, cause it's still one of the smartest calls I've ever made and haven't regretted having to hurt his feelings for a single day since.

 

And I'd bet the bumps on his forehead that the poor shmuck is still single!