My Best Friend was an old flame - Tell Her?

[Bimmerhead]

I'm a M, 40, Divorced, and plan to get engaged to my current GF. Do I give an honest answer to her questions about my best friend (F)?

 

Here is a little history. I have known my friend Rose for 20 years. I was best man in her wedding and God father to her boys. We have talked weekly for our history together. We have spent holidays together with families and have had family visits including my soon to be fiance.

 

About 3 years ago, while I was D and she was M, we had a passionate fling for a year. We decided to end it amicably. We continue to be friends, and neither of us has been temped to slip back into the old ways.

 

I love my current GF and would never consider cheating on her with anyone. She asked about my relationship with Rose early on and I explained that we were just friends and did not have a romantic past. After many shared times with my GF and Roses family, my GF became very comfortable with our friendship. Actually my GF and Rose are good friends.

 

My GF and I are talking about marriage and are truly in love. Today, on the phone, at the end of our conversation, when she knows that I have to leave she says - Hey by the way, I hope that you would tell me if you and Rose had a romantic past. I'm not jealous, I think it is bad to have secrets when starting off a marriage. Think about it.

 

There is no choice between my love for my GF and my friendship with Rose. If I wasn't sure that our past was past, Rose would not be in the picture. I would, however like to have Rose as family freinds. I'm also concerned that any public knowledge would certainly jepordize Rose's marrige. I want to be "pure of heart" with my current GF.

 

Should I tell her? Help quick.........

[john2776]

Yes tell her!!! Because Rose is still in your life you have an obligation to be honest to your GF about the past. You GF needs to understand who you are and who Rose is and if she wants to be part of that. Just because she might freak out doesn't make it right to lie. You made your bed, now you have to lie in it.

 

Telling secrets like this at the start is much much easier than doing it later on. She is very likely to accept it right now. Years down the track it might be a different story. Do it now.

 

Next - she either already knows or strongly suspects. She is testing you. If I was you I would assume that she knows, and if you don't tell her of your own free will you will be throwing the relationship away because she is never going to be able to trust you. Just make it easy for both of you and tell her the truth.