Wife left me

[Confused Guy]

My wife of 5 yrs left me to contemplate her feelings about me and our marriage. She's been seeing a shrink for meds and a psychologist on a regular basis. Her prior job gave her some bad anxiety attacks, and high levels of stress. She has a bad time speaking in public and approaching people. Very reserved and avoids confrontations.

When she was feeling alright we had a great time together, but the lack of intemacy drove me nuts. I didn't want to approach her, which is ending up being a sticking point now, becuase I saw that she was having problems coping with her prior job, and I didn't want to trigger another anxiety attack. Why ask her about it when she was feeling good..didn't want to bring her down.

When she approached me to sell cosmetics on the side...I approved, so she would feel better. That just added more stress for her to get rid of the stock.

When she approached me to go to school for massage therapy, I approved because she was excited about it. Now we started her own business which is doing alright.

Now one day after visiting mom, she didn't come back. She said that she had lost her feelings for me, and needed time to get her head on straight with her business and our marriage. Due to the lack of intimacy.

I asked her to come home so we can talk about it, and she did after a week, but shortly after went back to her mom.

I explained what I saw and thought but it didn't sink in.

That was 2 months ago and she is supposively staying at a friend's apartment, still torn with leaving me or coming back.

I knew the sex was going to be an issue, I love her and she really turns me on, but when she was on the heavy meds, which supresses feelings, I think that her sex drive left and I read it as her being in a bad mood.

 

I'm confused. I want her back. She wants her space and I'm dying.

I want to hire a PI to track her down as I don't know where she's staying, but I approached her if she really wanted to divorce me, and one day..yes, the other day I can't make my mind up. I suggested to get off of the drugs as they may be making you feel differently (some type of anti-psychotic/ anti-siezure meds which sound pretty heavy duty).

I love her with all of my heart, but I'm having a hard time dealing with this. My work is suffering. My income is now paying the bills when it was a 2 income family before. I talk to her, and I think I'm making headway, but when she leaves it seems that her mind changes day to day.

Advice given to me was to get a lawyer on the side get advice, which I did just in case she went for it, and prepared myself for the worse case.

Also just to leave her be, no contact and eventually either a good thing will happen orr a bad thing, divorce would happen.

We might go to marriage counselling which I think I convinced her to try. Yesterday she wanted to. Today yes, but with the flip flopping, I don't know if she will.

This sucks. I had the whole summer planned out for us even vacation which she was excitted about.

Advice......wait for her or divorce her. I want to wait. My family and some friends say wait, some say get rid of the crazy bitch. I'm married..through sickness and through health...she's sick I think.

Help!

[Gunny376]

Leave her the Hell alone!

 

The worse thing that you could do at this pont ~ is to contact her ~ any contact, anything you say will only drive her further out the door.

 

Ref: LadyJanes, "Divorce Busters's list. (I think I last posted it under ilmw post) Follow it to the letter.

 

Give her the time and space, and keep posting here. Check out, Marriagebuilder's, divorcenet, etc. Read, read, read.

[Gunny376]

. My family and some friends say wait, some say get rid of the crazy bitch. I'm married..through sickness and through health...she's sick I think. Help!

 

Your friends and family won't ~ can't give you objective advice. They're emotionally invested in this one way or the other.

 

Its too early to tell. Speaking to a lawyer ~ preparing for the worse case scenerio is fine ~ but take it with a grain of salt. What you need to be doing right now is gathering "intel" and doing "reconissance" work. Just gathering information ~ without acting upon it. Hope for and work for the best outcome ~ but be prepared for the worse.

 

The worse thing that you can do right now ~ is to try and win her back, romancing her ~ etc. Just back off ~ and step away from the wife!

 

Bascially, everything that your mind tells you to do ~ don't. You've definately are going to have to "man-up" and get rid of any and all wussy behavior. No begging, whinning, crying, pleading. I don't care if your crying your eyes out everynight ~ don't let her see you being weak-minded about all of this. The attitdue you've got to adopt is that whatevr she's decides you can handle. Whatever, she decides, you can deal with. Look at Ilmw thread, and where he stated out ~ and where he's ended up. (Or seach the threads I've posted to).

[Confused Guy]

Thanks for your advice Gunny. I want this to work, and let her already know that many issues can be worked out and actually thanked her for doing this. Similiar advice was given to me, definitely not by my lawyer, to wait it out. A psychologist I saw yesterday said, "It's been only 2 months" "Let her be". I have a problem dwelling on the worse case scenario on most days. Which has me breaking down frequently. I'm a man but I've overly sensative recently which I hide rather well.

I'll start waiting it out and post any updates as they come in...even during my bad times..

Thanks

[Gunny376]

attorney's is that ultimately they're businessmen with a business to run, overhead, payroll, etc.

 

My step brother said that the overhead for his office is $20,000 a month, before he puts a dime into his pocket, and his wife like's "nice" things. So, depsite a "code" of ethics, that may or may not give you the best advice at the right time?

[Lor]

No matter how hard it may be, and it will be hard, follow Gunny's advice and go strickly NC. 2 months is NOT very long although it seems like a lifetime. You can cry, you can breakdown, we've all done that and there's no shame. Just don't do it in front of her. If she contacts you, be friendly but not invasive or question if she's made any progress.

 

You can prepare yourself but you can't fix her, only she can do that. and she can't do that until you back away, if she ever can. Start working on yourself and taking care of yourself. Go for walks, go to the gym, go out to eat by yourself, whatever you enjoy doing or have ever wanted to do....don't wallow in self-pity, its very self-destructive.

 

One day at a time, hon.

[Gunny376]

"I'll post the list of 180's for you. Personally, I think they ought to be used with honesty, but that's just me. IMO, the relationship isn't a game...and there's nothing less attractive than game-playing. So, consider the information carefully and use the ones that feel right to you.

 

Quote:

Michele Weiner-Davis, re: DivorceBusting

 

 

1. Do not pursue, reason, chase, beg, plead or

implore!

 

2. No frequent phone calls

 

3. Do not point out good points in marriage

 

4. Do not follow him around the house

 

5. Do not encourage talk about the future

 

6. Do not ask for help from family members

 

7. Do not ask for reassurances

 

8. Do not buy gifts

 

9. Do not schedule dates together

 

10. Do not spy on spouse

 

11. Do not say "I Love You"

 

12. Act as if you are moving on with your life

 

13. Be cheerful, strong, outgoing and attractive

 

14. Don't sit around waiting on your spouse - get

busy, do things, go to church, go out with friends,

etc.

 

15. When home with your spouse, (if you usually start

the conversation) be scarce or short on words

 

16. If you are in the habit of asking your spouse his

whereabouts, ASK NOTHING

 

17. You need to make your partner think that you have

had an awakening and, as far as you are concerned, you

are going to move on with your life, with or without

your spouse

 

18. Do not be nasty, angry or even cold - just pull

back and wait to see if spouse notices and, more

important, realize what he will be missing

 

19. No matter what you are feeling TODAY, only show

your spouse happiness and contentment. Show him

someone he would want to be around.

 

20. All questions about marriage should be put on

hold, until your spouse wants to talk about it (which

may be a while)

 

21. Never lose your cool

 

22. Don't be overly enthusiiastic

 

23. Do not argue about how he feels (it only makes

their feelings stronger)

 

24. Be patient

 

25. Listen carefully to what your spouse is really

saying to you

 

26. Learn to back off, shut up and walk away when you

want to speak out

 

27. Take care of yourself (exercise, sleep, laugh &

focus on all the other parts of your life that are not

in turmoil)

 

28. Be strong and confident and learn to speak softly

 

29. Know that if you can do 180, your smallest

CONSISTENT actions will be noticed much more than any

words you can say or write

 

30. Do not be openly desperate or needy even when you

are hurting more than ever and are desperate and needy

 

31. Do not focus on yourself when communicating with

your spouse

 

32. Do not believe any of what you hear and less than

50% of what you see. Your spouse will speak in

absolute negatives because he is hurting and scared

 

33. Do not give up no matter how dark it is or how bad

you feel

 

34. Do not backslide from your hardearned changes

 

 

You might also read a copy of The Five Love Languages by Chapman. I think it'll help you to identify what some of the problems might've been within the relationship.

[Confused Guy]

Thanks again. I'll keep strong and follow your advice to the "T".

I tired of moping around..it affects my job so I have to change. I will be going over a few things with her hopefully tonight or tomorrow morning. She agreed to meet. It's financial questions as she handled the books and I need to know what her system was. I'm not going to be a blubbering idiot again in front of her. Stay strong and cool. We're still married and she has access to our accounts with me now paying all of the bills plus her extra expenses. I will mention that and maybe work out an agreement to have her limit the amount of deductions from our accounts. Hasn't been bad at all but I want to mention it. I figure if she wants to live out of the house that she should support herself as well until she makes up her mind.

Belive me, I have this whole conversation rehearsed and will not be angry but will approach all of my topics in a friendly way..a way that will benefit both of us. I'm not going to be a jackass, but will give her space after this benficial talk. No contact, nothing. I need to iron out a few things with her so I can start enjoying my hobbies and enjoy the rest of the summer.

Thank you I'll keep this post up with my feelings.

[Confused Guy]

She came over because I mentioned to her that I wanted to go over a few things with her that would make us both feel better.

I mentioned that I would stop calling her becuase if I was in her position, all of the calls would annoy me. When she makes up her mind either way to let me know...but I would need a mutual agreement on a few things.

Financials, I said that I would like to have all of the cash in our checking and savings be transferred only to an account under my name. I think that if you decided to leave, that you could support yourself. I would take care of the car insurance for now, the health insurance which I'm paying for through my company and the other benefits.along with any additional help that she would need, as long as she asked for help. I'll help/ Since I am left paying the bills, then I should control the money. Agreed.

As she has a bad driving record and our rrenewal is coming up so we may be non renewed and in NJ, the auto insur rates are the highest I think in the country, as a whole state, maybe next to Wash DC. I'll renew it or find new insurance for us, but eventually, if this continues, she'll have to get her own insurance. You move out, you pay your own way. Her business is not doing good this time of year, so she doesn't ahve too much money. I want to cover myself before she decides to drain the accounts, but didn't tell her directly. It was discussed, and agreed to.

A few other topics were discussed about and agreed to as well. It was a very nice conversation..no blubbering from me.

I mentioned that during this time, that neither of us should date, or see anyone else. I told her that the sanctity of marriage is special and I beleived that she wasn't seeing anyone (winck winck). That we should hold off until she makes the final decision. Agreed- mentioned that she wouldn't be able to handle another relationship right now. I asked why? She said too many things going through her head. Is it the meds? She told me that she was diagnosed with a lower stage of being Bi Polar!! And that's why she is on the anti psychotic meds. I saw a psychologist yesterday, expensive bastard...he even asked me if she was Bi Polar. My cousin who's an M.D asked the same question. She thought I knew...this is something that one doesn't forget...I knew about the depression and anxiety attacks.

We did make a break through and she even said that she's liking coming home more and more when we discuss topics like this.

I will still transferr the funds tomorrow into my account, as I told her I will. Only fair..it's my income now paying the bills, I want the control. I will stay strong with my terms until she comes home. No contact after today I told her only if there is an important question on how a particular bill was handled. But it's not rocket science. I felt good and so did she so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But until she's back and we can deal with this disorder, my terms stand.

Thanks for letting me vent with this long post. I think that I'll sleep better today.

[whichwayisup]

Can I ask what type of therapy she's doing to help her with the panic/anxiety attacks?

 

I suffer from them as well, and have been seeing a therapist who specializes in cognitive behaviour therapy.

 

Can I ask you something? Do you understand her disorder and what anxiety does to someone? Feel free to ask me anything, I'm an open book when it comes to this stuff...I might be able to shed some light for you into what is going on inside her. Losing control of yourself really messes with your head and emotions...

 

I feel very lucky and blessed to have a supportive husband. Our relationship is completely back on track now, but before when my anxiety was really bad, it affected our sex life, our relationship too. And, not only him, but the rest of my family and some friends...

 

Don't give up on her, ever. Keep telling her you LOVE her, NEED her and most of all, that you are there for her, no matter what. She's probably not feeling to good about herself, and has lost alot of self confidence...Not only out in the real world, dealing with people, and daily life, but herself...She needs to gain that confidence back and learn how to live again. Takes alot of time...

 

Anyway, make life easier for her...Just take care of the things she's not able to deal with. The less stress she has to deal with the better.

 

Try not to be so hard on her, as this anxiety is about her and her issues...You didn't do anything wrong, so don't blame yourself.

[Gunny376]

Really well, and it sounds as though you're getting a handle on things. Cool, calm, and collective ~ professional.

 

Still while you were going through this ~ its might be a good idea to keep a close eye on all accounts, to include the CC's, and maybe even get a copy of your credit report every three to six months, (its just prudent to do so ~ no disc against the wife)

 

Meanwhile WhichWayisUp brings up a good point ~ now would be a good time to fully educate yourself about the wife's medical issues ~ gives you more intell from which to make more sounder decisions in all of this. Keep posting from time to time.

[Gunny376]

She came over because I mentioned to her that I wanted to go over a few things with her that would make us both feel better.

I mentioned that I would stop calling her becuase if I was in her position, all of the calls would annoy me. When she makes up her mind either way to let me know...but I would need a mutual agreement on a few things.

Financials, I said that I would like to have all of the cash in our checking and savings be transferred only to an account under my name. I think that if you decided to leave, that you could support yourself. I would take care of the car insurance for now, the health insurance which I'm paying for through my company and the other benefits.along with any additional help that she would need, as long as she asked for help. I'll help/ Since I am left paying the bills, then I should control the money. Agreed.

As she has a bad driving record and our rrenewal is coming up so we may be non renewed and in NJ, the auto insur rates are the highest I think in the country, as a whole state, maybe next to Wash DC. I'll renew it or find new insurance for us, but eventually, if this continues, she'll have to get her own insurance. You move out, you pay your own way. Her business is not doing good this time of year, so she doesn't ahve too much money. I want to cover myself before she decides to drain the accounts, but didn't tell her directly. It was discussed, and agreed to.

A few other topics were discussed about and agreed to as well. It was a very nice conversation..no blubbering from me.

I mentioned that during this time, that neither of us should date, or see anyone else. I told her that the sanctity of marriage is special and I beleived that she wasn't seeing anyone (winck winck). That we should hold off until she makes the final decision. Agreed- mentioned that she wouldn't be able to handle another relationship right now. I asked why? She said too many things going through her head. Is it the meds? She told me that she was diagnosed with a lower stage of being Bi Polar!! And that's why she is on the anti psychotic meds. I saw a psychologist yesterday, expensive bastard...he even asked me if she was Bi Polar. My cousin who's an M.D asked the same question. She thought I knew...this is something that one doesn't forget...I knew about the depression and anxiety attacks.

We did make a break through and she even said that she's liking coming home more and more when we discuss topics like this.

I will still transferr the funds tomorrow into my account, as I told her I will. Only fair..it's my income now paying the bills, I want the control. I will stay strong with my terms until she comes home. No contact after today I told her only if there is an important question on how a particular bill was handled. But it's not rocket science. I felt good and so did she so there is a light at the end of the tunnel. But until she's back and we can deal with this disorder, my terms stand.

Thanks for letting me vent with this long post. I think that I'll sleep better today.

 

 

Is to re-set the parameters, the bounderies of the relationship within the context of the separation. Which means there still is a relationship. And, she's agreed to it.

 

Again, the one that cares the least, ~ controls the relationship.

 

That's not you, by the way. But, with tonight's actions ~ she thinks its you! And, that's what counts. Folliwing "tha' list" makes you appear to be the "one".

 

If effect you're "manning up" taking initative, being decisivie, leading, taking charge, taking control, doing that which is necessary (in the best interest of both parties), being resolute, not being whinning, begging, pleading, weak-minded. You're being an Alpha Male, leading the pack.

 

Per Lady Jane ~ this isn't playing games. This is doing what works and not doing what doesn't work!

 

I would strongly recommend you Goggle Carlos Xuma and the e-book "Secrets of the Alpha Male" He's a Dating Guru ~ but his approach is different from the others in that he lays a foundation about being un-apolgetically a man, and living your life as a man. A lot of it you already know ~ intuitively ~ but once you read it, you'll understand where you went wrong with Suzie Whatshername back in HS and why she dumped you and broke your ever loving heart in 9th grade, and every other woman.

[burning 4 revenge]

Once a woman loses that attraction it's almost impossible to get it back. When their feelings are running hot they're boiling, hotter than men, but when they go cold, they're ice cold as if you're dead to them. They're more passionate than men and colder than men IMHO.

 

I think it has to do with biological/sexual dynamics of the situation. They have to be really ,really into you to allow you to dominate their bodies and penetrate them. For a man penetration isn't much different than masturbation, but for a woman she is laying open, vunerable, waiting to absorb your power.

 

So what happens when they lose their attraction, they begin to resent you for wanting intamacy with them. They feel they're being violated. And they begin to hate you.

 

I don't know if that's your situation, just some life observations from B4R.

[Gunny376]

and one worth pondering. B4R are you a man or a woman. I've only read you last post ~ and that fact isn't forthcoming? I ask, because its relative to me?

 

But definately worth thinking about! And, in many cases I've witnessed relative!

[burning 4 revenge]

and one worth pondering. B4R are you a man or a woman. I've only read you last post ~ and that fact isn't forthcoming? I ask, because its relative to me?

 

But definately worth thinking about! And, in many cases I've witnessed relative!

I'm a guy Gunny and that's what made our last conversation so amusing to me.

 

I put Bette Davis in my avatars ,because I've always had a celebrity crush on her, although, granted, in the current one she's not at her best.

 

I don't think women would be as objective in their analysis of this issue because they speak a softer language -except for maybe a4a-but, I believe what I'm saying is essentially the truth. Women fall in love harder than men and they fall out of love harder than men.

[Gunny376]

Agreeded! Your point(s) are valid and justified! IMHO!

[Confused Guy]

To respond to "whichwayisup", She has been seeing a shrink and a psychologist on a regular basis for over 2 yrs now. Currently she is on Lamictol for her Bi Polar. I have to look Lamictol up and research Bi Polar in more detail. I did a little and the symptoms which I read, described her moods.

I haven't called her or spoken to her since Thurs night and it's killing me. What I want to do is talk to her again, try to convince her to come back, but I told her that I wouldn't..to giver her the space she needs. But having no contact is putting me back in the bad place which I've been dwelling in for the last 2 months.

I'm hanging in there and will try to last the week. Hopefully she'll call. I can't stand not talking to her, but it's for the best...I guess.

I'mm seeing the expensive psychologist on Wends. He'll tell me what I already know and will collect my money. Why do I go?

 

Marriage Counselling issue has been pushed under the carpet for now I think. I don't want to push her to go as she already knows I really want to do it. Right now I think that it's not a good time for her for me to push again, as it might push her to demanding a divorse.

Man this sucks. I'll hang in there.

[whichwayisup]

I feel for you on this one, I know you're living through a living hell.

 

I've helped a friend of mine through an awful time when the spouse was going through depression and mania, cutting etc...All you can do is wait it out and see what happens. She's messed up and until she can sort out things on her own (has nothing to do with you! She does love you!) you just gotta let things happen as they will. Ofcourse it's killing you - which is why you need alot of support. Talk to your family, friends, keep posting here. Also, google depression fallout. That will help alot as well. (I can't remember if I put that in my earlier post to you or not...)

 

Take care of you too, as hard as that is...And as expensive as therapy is, you need it to keep you going. Mentally anyway.

[unforgiven1977]

I've gone through a couple of seperations in my life. The best advice given to me was this...

You firstly need to realize that you don't need someone else to be happy. If you can't be happy with yourself first then you have no business trying to be happy with someone else. It may be a little on the cold side but I think it's true none-the-less.

As stated before you need to seem cool in front of her. You need to act like it really doesn't bother you. Almost like you don't care either way if it works out or not. The best way to do this is to believe yourself that it doesn't matter. It's better to in your own mind move on and be pleasantly suprised when things work out than it is to hold out hope and be disappointed when things don't. So don't just act like you're moving on, move on.

Now I realize this isn't so easily done. I mean you love her for Christ's sake. Well there are a few things you can do to help out with that.

The biggest thing pertains to the old "out of sight, out of mind" addage.

If you're still living in the same place it's no likely decorated by her. What good is it going to help you if everywhere you look when you're at home only helps to remind you of her?!

Look at the walls around you. Look at the room you're in. Pick each and everything out. Say a decoration on the wall. Then ask yourself "would I have hung that decoration there?". If the answer is no then take it down.

Do that to every element in your home. From pictures to decorations to furniture. If it's not what you would have put there then get rid of it (put it in storage at least) and replace it with stuff that, as just a guy, you would've put there instead. If she already took it then it saves you some trouble. Decorate the place you want it to be like.

This may seem like a small thing but believe me it's not. It will go a long way to helping yourself believe you can get by without her.

Not to mention it will have quite the impact on her if she stops by to talk or pick something up and she sees that you've already started redecorating. It looks to her like you've already moved on.

It's just a little bit of advice that can go a long way to helping you out I think.

Hope it helps and I wish you the best of luck.

[DieselPWR]

ConfusedGuy,

Let me let you in on a little info that I have found out about Bi_polar. My wife had told me that she had been diagnosed, and I found out that she has been off her meds for over a year. The mood swings, anger, crying, shopping, I've seen it all. One thing that I have found out is that is your wife is running the show. There will be no talking to her until, or if she comes out of her mood. Add to the fact that she may be in denial over the situation, and NOTHING will change that but her. Be there when she asks, but the worst thing you can do in your situation is call, and get her more angry. A Bi-Polar spouse is like a time bomb, some times its good and fine; sometimes it explodes. Bear with her, and be there when she needs you, and back off when she doesn't. In her mind, she is not doing anything wrong. You are doing the right thing by researching and getting more info. It will make you more informed when you are involved. Lastly, don't throw your new info back in her face. I did that and it really backfired on me.

Good Luck

Me

[Confused Guy]

Thanks for the advice everybody. I'll keep posting. This helps a bit.

I dreamt about her a few times. One was me proposing to her on a beach. After she said yes, I told her that I had a nightmare that she left me. I then woke up and noted to myself that I was living my nightmare...

 

I know that time heals..blah blah blah...shut up..be a man...if she leaves I'll bounce back..I know...but for now I can't accept that. If it comes to it, I will have to, but I can't accept it now. I don't want to re decorate the house.. what will that tell her? That I don't care about her? That I'm moving on? Wouldn't that push her into making a rash decision on divorsing me? Plus I don't have the time to do that. Storage? Another bill? I'm trying to keep enough money so that I can afford a lawyer if it comes down to it.

 

Who am I kidding....she gonna leave me..I know it.

This psychologist better help me or that's it for him.

"No soup for you"

bye

[Gunny376]

Who am I kidding....she gonna leave me..I know it. This psychologist better help me or that's it for him.

"No soup for you":( bye

 

I know its hard for you to see it, but if this is the worst thing that ever happens to you ~ you're wayahead of the game. There are others that go through this and much, much worse.

 

All of which doesn't do spit to ease your pain, but many of us have lived through it. There is life, and a good one the otherside of all of this.

[Guest]

Dude, seriously. Move on. Respect and accept what you had with her but, deal with how your relationship is now, no matter how hard it may seem. Today might seem bleak, but tomorrow is on the horizon. Relationships that end usually suck. It's life, get over it. Wish her the best in every way and move on. You cannot fix her. Life is a huge sea out there my friend with many fish. Do not sell yourself short by holding on. Leave her alone. Enjoy life, meet people, have fun being single, enjoy sex; experience what is out there.

 

Being single does not mean that you are lonely, just alone. Hell I don't know, do guy things. Buy a bike and travel around (the west coast sounds good for traveling), change your hair style, grow some facial hair, join a gym, take up sky diving, re-connect with lost friends or sit at home and wonder what if, "what did I do wrong"!? Sorry to sound brash. Dude, we all have challenges in relationships male or female. Does whiping a dead horse get you any closer to the finish line? No. It get's you passed. Good luck and take care.

[Confused Guy]

Gunny I like your picture change. I applied to the Marines, but had bad knees from playing football. He told me to apply to the Air Force, they'll take anyone...went to college instead. Is this a military posting site? many military personnel floating around here.

A famous football quote I don't know from who but it goes like this,

"My left knee looks like I got into a knife fight with a midget"

How true...

As for the post from "Guest" I'm not divorced yet, so I'm not going to move on. I'm waiting..and waiting..I do things with my family, which are great support. We all own a big summer house in upstate NY, and there's always 10 people there at any given time. I'm not sitting here crying about it, I'm doing things to occupy my time. I have my bad days and worse days. My shrink tells me the same thing which you guys have been telling me..that expensive @!#$@^. He gonna give me some meds next week.. never took the crap but it might help out..

I can't start putting her out of my mind yet as I do not want to lose my feelings for her..until she tells me that's it's totally over.

Still I have not contacted her except for her to PU her mail. Good sign is that she didn't forward her mail...

Going to a car show tonight with my '70 Cutlass. Burn some rubber, slap those gears around,, and try to avoid a ticket...

Later

[Gunny376]

That's the patch for 1/9, 1st Battalion, 9th Marines ~ part of the 9th Marine Regiment - lots of history behind that outfit.

 

You might want to check out Wolf's thread ~ he's going through a lot of what you're going through and Lady Jane posted some most excellent advice.

 

No, this isn't a military site ~ by far. We're all just people looking for the answers to questions, and soluitions to the problems, and trying to help others do the same, and maybe they will or can help us to do the same.

 

Me? I'm single and have been since having gone through the Big "D" back sixteen years ago. I was and have been about where Wolf and your are now, and its not pretty and its not fun, I'm here to tell you sportsfan! It is anc can be down righly ugly.

 

Most reconlliations never take place, they do on occassion, enough to give someone in this dark place a false sense of hope. I agree that you need to work on the issues of all of this and your life, but seriously if its affecting your day to day, and your work-live then you might want to see a "behaviorlist" pyschologist. They don't concentrate on finding the root cause ~ so much as work with you to provide the necessary skill set that you need to deal with the up in your face, right here and right now issues of your day to day life ~ in short how to deal with what you're going through.

 

A most excellent book on this subject is "Letting Go" A twelve week personal action program to overcome a broken heart by Dr. Zev Wanderer and Tracy Cabot, Ph.D ISBN 0-440-14730-1, which sounds right down your ally right about now.

 

Right now you need to be working on you and your life. To include the very real possibility that you may not be spending the rest of it without her.