Any guys NOT afraid of commitment?

[waitingforlove]

Hi everyone,

I have been reading the threads on here and seeing that a lot of other women went through the same thing (their boyfriends just won't propose) makes me sad. I wonder if there's any guy out there who is NOT afraid of commitment and marriage. Please post here to let us see your perspectives. Sometimes I wonder if men are "all the same," or is it simply because those "qualitied men" who are not afraid of commitment are becoming more and more scarce these days. I think a lot of women would like to know that we are "normal" to want to get married, and it's just that we didn't run into the "right men." I want to say "just move on and go find the right guy who would marry you," but I'm concerned if all men are commitment-phobic after all. Any insights out there?

[silentcharon]

Hi everyone,

I have been reading the threads on here and seeing that a lot of other women went through the same thing (their boyfriends just won't propose) makes me sad. I wonder if there's any guy out there who is NOT afraid of commitment and marriage. Please post here to let us see your perspectives. Sometimes I wonder if men are "all the same," or is it simply because those "qualitied men" who are not afraid of commitment are becoming more and more scarce these days. I think a lot of women would like to know that we are "normal" to want to get married, and it's just that we didn't run into the "right men." I want to say "just move on and go find the right guy who would marry you," but I'm concerned if all men are commitment-phobic after all. Any insights out there?

 

I think men become unafraid of commitment when they feel ready to. This is truly a broad subject- there are many reasons why a man could possibly feel ready for commitment.

 

There are a few here who don't believe in marriage, that a piece of paper shouldn't matter. Unfortunately, some women (or men) need that 'piece of paper' to justify their union.

 

I guess you should say "just move on and go find the right guy who would marry you," to these women to seem to be more concerned about the big marriage papers.

 

Blah, marriage is so over rated anyway.

[Outcast]

I think the only ones who aren't are under 25. After that, they hear a few horror tales or see a few or maybe get divorced once after an unhappy marriage and then they go hide, trembling, under rocks till the end of their days. No way they'll put a toe out lest they get hurt again.

 

Rather than resolve to be very cautious when next they contemplate entering a relationship, they just decide that 'women' are too scary and turn cynical and hard-hearted or into users of women.

 

It's a grand world, it is.

[rational optimist]

who wouldn't be afraid of entering into a life-long commitment to someone who is willing to push and push them into buying a ring for their eager little finger?

 

my brother is about to get married to a woman he has been in love with since he was sisxteen. At no point in their relationship has there been a hint of desperation or rushing into a commitment that either one was not ready to make. for them it took about 6 years, but there comes a point i think that in order to true love to really florish one has to be able to say "don't worry about investing yourself in me, because im just no going away."

 

I've got a point with my own girlfriend now that i think im going to ask her to marry me. its going to be a beautiful blessing to know that our future is together. That no matter how hard life might get, she and I are gonna look after each other come what may. If you rely on 'feeling' in love with each other as the basis of your commitment to each other you have no security since human emotions are tossed and turned like the waves of the sea. The thrill of the chase is exciting while it lasts, but what could be more harrowing for ever? Instead the security of sticking to a promise is what provides the environment for true, unconditional love to grow.

[john1776]

What's the point of getting married when you can always get a divorce whenever one of you gets bored with the relationship? The only difference between divorce and breaking up is that it takes a little longer to finalize things in a divorce settlement.

 

I always thought marriage was forever but as far as our modern day definition of marriage it's only until 1 person gets bored and decides to leave immediately because the spark is not there anymore.

 

So that's why I said what's the point of getting married when divorce is in the back of a woman's mind at the first sign of problems?? She'll complain that her boyfriend won't commit but when he finally does then 20 years later she wants a divorce because the marriage has become boring and there's no spark. So what is the point? You can't please women!

[waitingforlove]

Not only women initiate divorces, though. I do agree very much that long-term commitment (real commitment in the heart, not only marriage per se) depends on both people's willingness to stick to the promise whatever happens, however difficult things get. I'm not the type that would ever want a divorce. But please don't use the excuse of "women might want a divorce after marriage" to justify why men are afraid of proposing, because in reality, men also initiate divorces themselves. If the only reason they are afraid to get married is just that they don't want a divorce, then all divorces would be initiated by women, but that's the case, right?

[Rational optimist]

but what you are saying is an entirely circular arguament.

 

If you dont see marriage as a significant thing, then you'd be right in saying that divorce was no different from a break up.

 

However, if you see marriage as a lifelong commitment, then a divorce is an entirely different matter.

 

If you dont think marriage is a significant comittment, then i totally agree there is no point to it. What i am trying to say is that it is the promise, the comittment itself which makes the relationahip a loving one. I may not be perfect, but unlike any other Tom, Dick and Harry in the world - i will always be here for you.

[P1xie]

It's the opposite for me. I'm the one that is afraid to get married. I can commit, meaning I will be true to him, not cheat etc. But I'm terrified to actually get married.

 

He's always bugging me about it. I make up excuses like we can't afford a wedding right now.

[Am I crazy?]

i was ready but she didn't want buyers remorse so ta speak. it ain't just women who are waiting, some of us guys are waiting too.

[kbah]

My bf is more "pro-marriage" than I am as well. I could see us together in the future, but I still have so much I need to experience and learn b4 I make that commitment. I do not feel ready, though he seems to feel he "is."

[johan]

I would have married my ex. She was like P1xie and always had excuses why not. Occasionally she would bring it up in a vague sort of future way, but I didn't take her seriously, because I would have looked like an idiot getting all excited over that.

 

If she wanted it then she would have wanted it. Period. When you're old enough, "we can't afford it" or "I want to get my career going" or "my foot hurts right now" ring hollow, compared to the kind of love and desire it takes to really want to be with someone. In the end it was clear that it would never happen.

 

If you're waiting for the perfect circumstances, then if they occur at all you'll realize you missed them sometime after you find you're all alone. Or maybe you'll be thankful you never did make that move. But it won't happen. So don't pretend your fear will magically disappear after years of complacency. After patience has worn thin and resentment has takes its place your trepidation will only be greater and your love will fade away altogether.

 

She now holds the classification of ex-o-mine, and fortunately I only wasted 3-1/2 of my best years with her.

[P1xie]

I'm afraid things will change if we get married because he says things like "When we get married, I'm not going to be allowed to do this and that".

 

Nothing like I'm hanging out at all the bars and when we get married it's just not going to happen. I don't do anything like that.

 

Example when we get married I can no longer pick up hurt, or stray animals and spend money on getting them taken care of. He got mad because I spend $530.00 on a kitten I found on the road. I guess I should clarify that I used my own money, he does not help me out financially at all. I'm very independent. I pay some of his bills, he pays none of mine.

 

The idea of being told things are going to change scares me. Which makes me want to ask how much does things change when you do get married? Especially if you live together already.

[fallen851]

Plenty of my friends aren't afriad of commitment, including myself.

 

We really look forward to our life-long relationships.

 

I think it is a maturity issues, some of my friends who are 25 and act like they are still in high school. Other who are the 25 and act like they are still in college. They don't like to take or have responsibilities, they don't like to commit to anything (especially a relationship, but also a job, ect.) because they really don't know themselves yet. There is a lot of stress on men and how we "should act" in society, and it can take some time to figure out who you really are, and what you want.

 

But there are plenty of guys who aren't afraid of commitment, but you won't find them at a party, in trendy bar, or watching the WWE. I don't have time for that, the people I know who do, aren't the type who would be willing to commit.

 

Pixie you're relationship sounds scary, if he making you change things when you get married, they he probably isn't a good match, or at least I wouldn't do that. My fiancee and I have respect for what each other do, even if our hobbies are expensive.