Just got married, wife doesn't live with me, but I have a crush on a co-worker

[Workaholic]

Ok, the story is a bit complicated, so please bear with me.

 

My wife and I have been dating for 6 years, but we haven't lived with each other because of her more traditional thinking and her family was very stringht. Recently due to my legal status, we got married in the city hall but did not announced it to anyone. To others we still say we are dating or engaged. We got a house together but she is still living at her parent's place (to keep the cover), the last 6 years have been great and we really compliment each other in almost every way in life. In other word, we are perfect for each other and are the best friend of each other.

 

Recently, I started a new job and I have a very strong crush on this one co-worker of mine. We weren't flirting or even spending time socialling alone at all. She wasn't good looking but for some reason got all the right qualities that turns me on. She is single and is desperately looking for a boyfriend (from what I know) as she is getting older (almost 30, around my age). I cannot tell if she is having a crush on me or not, but we do have a bit more eye contacts than normal, and I "think" she has a crush on a guy that is 3 years younger (her 25, the guy 22, me 28), and know for sure that this guy has a crush on her.

 

People at my workplace knows that I am married, and I put my wife's picture up and she saw it too. I know I have a crush on this co-worker and it was so strong that I wasn't even trying to deny it: I picked a seat right across from her when our lab moved, I join an activity committee because she was in it, I casually ask her to lunch one day, and I remember everything I "overheard" she said. She probably knows, and I am trying to hide it but still initiate conversation with her a few times a day.

 

I know I got some problem, and my previous crushes all turned into a long term one-side fantasy that depressed me for years. I know I love my wife too much to consider any one else in life, and I wanted to do everything I can to get out of this crush. I already know the anser: don't do it, but I am too weak to convince myself and found myself always trying to get closer to my co-worker. Please help.

[JadeStar]

First of all, either you and your wife pull together as a team and move in together making it known that you and her are married, or you get an anullment. Traditions or not, you are 30 some years old, you're not kids, you been dating for 6 years, you got married at town hall, theres no reason you all can't be living together. If its her parents, sorry, you all are grown.

 

As for this "crush", you either cut all ties with her, and work on your marraige, or you get an anlulment from your wife and go be with this woman. You said you have had past crushes, was this while you and your wife were dating?

[Workaholic]

As for this "crush", you either cut all ties with her, and work on your marraige, or you get an anlulment from your wife and go be with this woman. You said you have had past crushes, was this while you and your wife were dating?

 

It was before I knew my wife. I was not very successful with girls in the past and always end up liking someone that doesn't like me, and hold on to that for years.

[tikigods]

Its time that you guys start acting like adults and tell people that you are married and start living life as a married couple. You and your wifes marriage has started out on the wrong foot, you aren't together and it looks like you have no plans on being together anytime soon. Its very easy to crush when you don't have anyone to go home to, despite being "married"

 

Its time to either go all out with your wife and live like a normal married couple, or move on

[Fritz]

Uhm, explain the whole "legal status" thing please as I think that probably enters into the whole living arragements issue.

 

However,

 

1. You're married, why aren't you living together? You're adults, stand up to mommy/daddy and grow some balls/uterus/guts. ****e or get off the pot bro.

2. You're married and have a crush, with a co-worker. You're insane. One thing applies here and only one thing, "never dip your pen in company ink". Full stop. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Fishing off the company pier is just a sure fire way to ruin your life. I'm sure this gal is great and all but hey, whats that, you're MARRIED.

[john2776]

What I would do is tell my wife about the girl that I have the crush on. She will go crazy at you, and she will make damn sure you don't go sniffing around that girl anymore. It will be a big wakeup call for you. You are married now - try dealing with things together, its one of the beauties of marriage that you don't have to go through life on your own anymore when tough things come along.